It seems nothing is “too soon” for the Onion. Amid protests and riots following the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police, the satirical news website published a story with a Duluth dateline in which a “local man” questions “the necessity of protestors being black.”
Duluth is once again in the dateline of a story on the satirical news website The Onion. According to the article, nephews and nieces of Janine Harrison have confirmed she “managed to somehow both marry and divorce two separate times since the last time they had seen her.”
It’s the 15th time Duluth has been the location of an Onion story, by Perfect Duluth Day’s count. Just 33 days ago Moose Lake was featured.
There have been 14 Duluth datelines in The Onion by Perfect Duluth Day’s count, but now Moose Lake is part of the action. The satirical newspaper reports that Erika Moreau is “nervous for dinner this evening, when her boyfriend will finally meet the person she turns into around her parents.”
The latest Duluth dateline in The Onion newspaper reports “It impossible to tell what sounds will freak out cat.” Apparently, “there seemed to be no clear pattern to the animal’s responses,” according to local pet owner Wendy Vogl. “I can slam the front door and he’ll just sit there licking himself, but then he’ll hear thunder and run out of the room immediately.”
Pinewood CEO Ivan Dunleavy made the announcement at the annual Confederation of Business Industry conference, boasting, “The seventh Star Wars movie just finished shooting at Pinewood. And I’m delighted to be able to tell you that a new Star Wars movie is already booked in.” His words were considered a direct affront to the fine people of Duluth, who have patiently waited decades for England to quit hogging all the Star Wars.
The Hollywood Reporter confirmed that Dunleavy was referring to the first Star Wars spinoff, to be directed by Gareth Edwards, and not the follow-up to J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: The Force Awakens, But Not In Duluth, Because Fuck That Place.
DULUTH, MN-Generously bestowing the kind of wisdom that only comes with age, worldly and venerable 27-year-old Matthew Owen took the time last night to offer his enlightened counsel to 24-year-old family friend Dennis Paige.
The Onion A.V. Club’s Sean O’Neal travels to Hibbing in a video to soak up the Bob Dylan experience for the series Pop Pilgrims. There’s a nice look inside the Hibbing High School Auditorium — Minnesota’s second-nicest high-school auditorium.