The Onion Posts

Duluth curler among stray Olympians in Beijing streets

John Landsteiner of Duluth, at right in the image, was among “hundreds of stray Olympians” who “had been left behind after the 2022 Winter Games,” according to the satirical news website the Onion. With Landsteiner in the photo is his curling teammate Matt Hamilton of McFarland, Wis.

Wouldn’t we all rather have sex in Duluth?

About once a year, satirical news website the Onion references Duluth in a story. The 2021 example appears in a list of “What Your Partner Is Actually Thinking During Sex,” published this week.

Duluthian questions if it necessary for protesters to be black

It seems nothing is “too soon” for the Onion. Amid protests and riots following the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police, the satirical news website published a story with a Duluth dateline in which a “local man” questions “the necessity of protestors being black.”

Aunt with eventful romantic life lands Duluth in Onion again

Duluth is once again in the dateline of a story on the satirical news website The Onion. According to the article, nephews and nieces of Janine Harrison have confirmed she “managed to somehow both marry and divorce two separate times since the last time they had seen her.”

It’s the 15th time Duluth has been the location of an Onion story, by Perfect Duluth Day’s count. Just 33 days ago Moose Lake was featured.

Moose Lake woman nervous for boyfriend to meet person she becomes around parents

There have been 14 Duluth datelines in The Onion by Perfect Duluth Day’s count, but now Moose Lake is part of the action. The satirical newspaper reports that Erika Moreau is “nervous for dinner this evening, when her boyfriend will finally meet the person she turns into around her parents.”

The Onion: Woman nervous for boyfriend to meet person she becomes around parents

Weak-willed Duluthian changes opinion

For the 14th time (by Perfect Duluth Day’s count) The Onion has published a story with a Duluth dateline.

The headline reads: Weak-willed coward changes opinion after learning he was wrong

According to the story, “33-year-old coward Benjamin Dyer gave in and changed his opinion … instead of doubling down on his previously held belief like a real man.”

Duluth cat potentially ready to freak out

Duluth cat potentially ready to freak outThe latest Duluth dateline in The Onion newspaper reports “It impossible to tell what sounds will freak out cat.” Apparently, “there seemed to be no clear pattern to the animal’s responses,” according to local pet owner Wendy Vogl. “I can slam the front door and he’ll just sit there licking himself, but then he’ll hear thunder and run out of the room immediately.”

Friend of Duluthian comes out of the woodwork

Duluth had another dateline in the Onion last week:

Long-silent Facebook friend comes out of woodwork with post asking about insulating windows

Duluth snubbed again as next Star Wars readies to film in London

Duluth snubbed again

I love the image, but I feel like I’m missing something.

Onion A.V. Club: Duluth snubbed yet again as the next Star Wars readies to film in London

Pinewood CEO Ivan Dunleavy made the announcement at the annual Confederation of Business Industry conference, boasting, “The seventh Star Wars movie just finished shooting at Pinewood. And I’m delighted to be able to tell you that a new Star Wars movie is already booked in.” His words were considered a direct affront to the fine people of Duluth, who have patiently waited decades for England to quit hogging all the Star Wars.

The Hollywood Reporter confirmed that Dunleavy was referring to the first Star Wars spinoff, to be directed by Gareth Edwards, and not the follow-up to J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: The Force Awakens, But Not In Duluth, Because Fuck That Place.

Kink in Duluth

The Onion:
Masochist dog enjoys being walked around on leash while naked

Another Duluth dateline in the Onion

24-year-old receives sage counsel from venerable 27-year-old

DULUTH, MN-Generously bestowing the kind of wisdom that only comes with age, worldly and venerable 27-year-old Matthew Owen took the time last night to offer his enlightened counsel to 24-year-old family friend Dennis Paige.

Onion A.V. Club in Hibbing

The Onion A.V. Club’s Sean O’Neal traveled to Hibbing for a video that soaks up the Bob Dylan experience for the series Pop Pilgrims. There’s a nice look inside the Hibbing High School Auditorium — Minnesota’s second-nicest high-school auditorium.

[This post originally linked to the video, which no longer exists on the Onion’s site.]

Alternative News Source

Frak the DNT — I’m getting my news from The Beacon from here on out.


What This Town Needs Is A Really Shitty Community Newspaper

Low – “Africa”

From the Onion A.V. Club’s series “A.V. Undercover,” Low covers Toto’s “Africa.”

The Onion’s take on the big game