24-year-old receives sage counsel from venerable 27-year-old

DULUTH, MN-Generously bestowing the kind of wisdom that only comes with age, worldly and venerable 27-year-old Matthew Owen took the time last night to offer his enlightened counsel to 24-year-old family friend Dennis Paige.

Other Onion stories with Duluth datelines:

• National News Highlights (2010)

• Boy finds own real-life E.T. (2009)

• Marital frustrations channeled through thermostat (2006)

• National News Highlights (2006)

• Offended customer’s huffy walkout goes unnoticed (2005)

• Antique dealer sick of appraising Smurf collections (2002)

• What this town needs is a really shitty community newspaper (2002)

• Struggling local theater space put out of its misery (1999)

• Eating enthusiast acquires chocolate eclair (1997)

… and there are probably some we missed.