Early last night, in the melee, I witnessed two college girls at Super One with a cart full of toilet paper. It was a mad rush for essentials, but some were unclear on the concept. There may have been one lone jar of Ragu slammed between the cage of this poor cart they were taking turns pushing and pulling. They must have been planning a massive dump. Or, so delirious with fear, thought they could eat paper. Sad, they could've each had their own cart, still stuck together, while doubling up on their pipe jamming haul. But instead, like two best buddies, truly inseparable, were plowing through this disaster together. 

What did you ladies get into, I asked? Did you have your cake and eat it too? I hate to be honest, but they didn't look all that bright, or fit. Which is maybe why their parents sent them to college. I want to be clear, and to remind everyone that the less you eat, and the more you exercise, the less you will have to wipe. 

The Panic Shopping began early in those places most frequented by those who worship at Fox News. And it finally caught up with my local Super One last night in the great Butt Wipe Run of 2020. The Ramen and Hamburger Helper were the first to go. Casualties in this brutal war on sanity.