Dear Duluth News Tribune,
Any time I find a stray newspaper at a coffee shop, or waiting room, my initial course of action is to go straight to The Family Circus so that I may gawk at the daily track-wreck of comedy it provides. The philosophical beating I take by trying to riddle out just what is it that Bil & Jeffy Keane think I should be laughing at has somehow become a masochist treat for my brain as the years go by.
In recent months though, this pleasure seems to be unhinged by the horrible way your layout editors treat this sacred circle. Attached is the comic as it appears from the syndication source, immediately followed by the beaten and bloodied corpse that gets spat onto your printed comics page.
The Family Oval shall not suffice. I’m sure Bil & Jeffy Keane would be aghast by the treatment you give their comic. Without a doubt, the Keane’s go to great lengths to make sure that Billy, Dolly, and little PJ’s heads perfectly resemble testicles in each and every one of their daily discs of unfunny. To unprofessionally scale them in the way that you repeatably do, should be taken as nothing less then an open handed slap to the face of both Bil & Jeffy Keane as you disgrace their little works of art.
Please, give the editor back his shift key so he can resize his images while constraining proportions. It will make us all happier at the end of the day.