Denise Novotny is the reporter. Interview subjects in order of appearance: Marnie Housel, Jan Tilley, Angie Sommerfeld, Seung-Hyun Oh, Jon Ellis and Brandon Leno.

No, this is not a legitimate campus news piece. Yes, I wrote a script and fed everyone their lines, although they improvised a tiny bit. Yes, I was apparently terrible at white balancing TV cameras 20 years ago.