I have an old Bridgeman-Russell Company ruler. I don’t often think about how awesome it is, so I catch myself using it to do things like scrape gunk off a counter. For the sake of history, I’ll try to be more careful in the future.

The little slogans/whatever on the front read:

I’m up to Weight
I Drink Pure
Pasteurized Milk

Eat Delicious
VELVET Ice Cream
The Perfect Food

On the back:

Milk – Butter – Ice Cream and
Cheese are Growth Promoting,
Health Giving Foods.

These Vital Foods should
be Freely and Continuously
used in Every Home.

(Really? “Continuously”? As in non-stop? I mean, I enjoy my dairy products and everything, but I’m afraid if I took in that much calcium I’d grow so strong that I’d start randomly capitalizing words.)