I was in a cathedral, standing in the nave. The pews were empty, the building dark. It must have been night. Without warning, a choir’s song sliced through the hushed darkness, their voices intertwining to illuminate the room — a bright, pure light. I could see their faces, one thousand beautiful children, dressed in white. I stood there motionless, enraptured by their song, their words washing over me. The tune was bracingly enigmatic, yet hauntingly familiar — they sung a single phrase over and over:
Vincent Gargiulo is horrible.
It might be hard to believe, but it all happened in the dream!
Even odder, I’d never even heard the name before! It just came to me, seemingly from the ether. When I woke up, I immediately looked it up online, and as things go, “Vincent Gargiulo” is an actual person. Who knew? I bet he has a life and personality and family and probably a personal history too! Of course, that’s just conjecture, as I didn’t dig any deeper than a Google image search.
And you know what the honest to gracious truth is? He doesn’t look all that horrible at all!
But those words — those being-piercing, life-altering words. They must have an important meaning for my life. How can I pass?
So, I’d like to announce my next project — Vincent Gargiulo is horrible. It’s not about Vincent Gargiulo’s horribleness, or anything like that. Really, the title just seems to be the perfect vessel for an auto-biographical venture — it really captures a feeling I’m looking for. Vincent Gargiulo is horrible may sound as if it were about Vincent Gargiulo, but it would be about me. Get it? He’s the backdrop for my story.
Admittedly, the name gives me a moment of pause. I’ve considered something less polemic like Vincent Gargiulo is probably pretty okay in all likelihood or Vincent Gargiulo might deserve the benefit of the doubt or Vincent Gargiulo chooses Duluth for a project that the city would be really psyched about except for its name. But come on — would a choir of cherubim illumine my soul and crowd-sourced fund raising campaign with dull words like that? Highly doubt it.
I’ll be rolling out a Kickstarter in the next couple of days — I’m thinking I’ll need around 10k to execute the project properly — so get your Amazon Payments Account ready.