from this week's Reader Weakly...
(p.s. - the punctuation, spelling, grammar... all that jazz... appears below exactly as it appears in print....)
The Fartwell Tour
Hubert Cumberdale (andrew olson)
Northland Enquirer (reader weekly)
The Fartwell Tour have announced their 4th Cd release this month titled, He Who Smelt It Dealt It. The State Chumps will be opening the show and kicking off their "When Nerds Attack" three city tour. The cities include far off locations like, Proctor, Hermantown, and Cloquet.
From the Fartwell Tour, Fat Milkawitch and his negative methane enhanced drums are quite the spectacle. When he thinks negative thoughts the drums play faster and at an increased swiftness. Sometimes it is too quick for normal ears to comprehend, playing with the verosity of Tinkerbell. Of the 15 bands that Fat is in, only Trucks and SUV's and Lyrics To A Soundtrack were worse than Fartwell Tour.
Fartwell Tour has done well at selling its Heavy Metal meets Frampton sound. After paying people to attend their shows these last few years the band has hit hard times. At their previous CD release party last week for their self-advertising magazine, And The Heroin Screams, "Get Off Me" they had an eventful evening. When Fat started to let the methane drums go two people passed out.
During "The Smell", someone actually threw up. Not to say the music is bad, but it just is the worst in history. Even Enya would cover her ears during what was being played.
On cowbell Greg "Pussycat" Connor put Will Farrell to shame. Not many can wrangle the electric bell, but Greg makes it an essential to any band. He also was showing off his latest tattoo of his cat's name, and the girls were swooning. Fat also had another tattoo, but this one was of his pet gerbil, Sandy.
this dude is fucking clever.
changing mat milinkovich to fat milkawitch?
the farewell well tour and cars & trucks to the fartwell tour and trucks and suvs? wow...
and calling the state champs the state chumps?
wow. this guy's genius. he's worth all the coupons he's paid in.