Lost Fedora in the Garden of the Plaza

Below is the text from an interesting Craiglist ad posted today.

You left me… – w4m (Downtown Duluth)
Date: 2012-06-05, 2:49PM

Me: Fedora laying in the garden of the Plaza on the corner of 5th Avenue West and Superior Street.

You: Wandering around with an outfit that is probably a mess without me. YOU HEARD ME. You’re a MESS without me.

Tell me when you were wearing me and then explain to me how you fucking forgot me outside. It rained last night, ya know? I sat in the cold ass rain and wind waiting for you and you never came. Just lost me and forgot me, huh? Real class act. Let me guess, you went back to Beanie, didn’t you?! You cheating sonofabitch. WINTER’S OVER.

Ya know what, don’t come and get me. I don’t need you. I hope Beanie makes your dumb, bald head sweaty and you smell like feet. I’m done. You can keep my hatbox. I’m moving to Miami where I know someone will appreciate me.

Also- I WAS CHEATING ON YOU WITH YOUR ROOMMATE.

Peace easy, sucka!