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Share your smurfy ideas


In my column in the Transistor this week, I wrote:

Sooner of later, someone is going to make "Smurfs: The Movie." When that happens, it will be essential that some new Smurfs are added to the cast. I recommend the following:

Itchy Smurf, Bloody Smurf, Stinky Smurf, Horny Smurf, Paraplegic Smurf, Tickly Smurf, Suicidal Smurf, Klepto Smurf, Battered Smurf, Cannibal Smurf and Well-endowed Smurf.

Well, a few days later I was informed that International Merchandising, Promotion & Services has a deal with Paramount Pictures for a computer-animated 3-D Smurfs movie. (Yahoo! Movies has the scoop.)

So, you should probably comment on what Smurfs you think should be added to the cast.


Goth Smurf. He'll wear a black hat, unlike all those other smurf conformists.

Commie smurf. Oh wait, that's all of them already. :-)

The Smurfs Season 1 comes out on DVD on Feb. 26th. It's already in my Netflix queue, potentially making its way into my Amazon wishlist.

Stabby-Stabby Smurf

Scurvy Smurf. Rabid Smurf. Hemophiliac Smurf(that might be Bloody Smurf). Fahrvergnugen Smurf. Roid Rage Smurf(also could be Chris Benoit Smurf). Halitosis Smurf. Hemorrhoid Smurf. Agoraphobic Smurf. Haberdasher Smurf. Hangnail Smurf. Botox Smurf. Pretentious Smurf (Although that could just be Brainy Smurf). Ritalin Smurf. Rancid Smurf. Redundant Smurf. The Phantom Smurf. Reactionary Smurf. Unstable Smurf. Sanctimonious Smurf. Bob Smurf (I know, that one's kinda boring, but didn't you ever get tired of all the adjective names? Sometimes I just wished for a Bob Smurf). Phosphorescent Smurf. Obese Smurf. Shellac Smurf (not sure what this one would be, but I love the name). Master Blaster Smurf. Trepanation Smurf. Rapscallion Smurf (I suppose that would be Jokey Smurf). I could really go on for days, but that's a good start.

Emo Smurf.

Watch Gargamel to turn all Osama Bin Laden.

paul, i remember "standard smurf: the smurf by which all others are judged" from an article you wrote many moons ago. am i wrong on this? it makes me chuckle.

bipolar smurf, tweaker smurf, OCD smurf, scenester smurf, pornstar smurf...

rehab smurf

Mayday, what can I say? You caught me recycling material from 1998. Yes, Standard Smurf was part of my original Smurf column from 10 years ago. Let's just say I've joined the writer's strike.

Obviously Mother Smurf has to be revealed. All these smurfs did not just grow up and out from the soil...and if that is the case, Papa Smurf is disgusting.

Bervy Smurf

Tweaker Smurf is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!

There needs to be another girl smurf - Syphalitic Smurf

butchie smurf

What about Smurfette's B.F.F.: Homo Smurf?

menopausal smurf?

How about Hollywood Can't Come Up With Any More Original Ideas So They're Cashing In On All My 80's Childhood Memories Smurf?

Or is that too cumbersome?

Black Smurf

White Smurf

Pimp Smurf and Gangsta Smurf

i thought mine was pretty good, but with a suble tweak, lundgren one-upped me. drat!

Smarmy Smurf
Shaky Smurf
Tranny Smurf
Obese Smurf (aka Rascal Smurf)

I think a bigger questions is: who will play Johan and Peewee?

ahh...when you pull '70s blacksploitation euphamisms and movie titles into the thread, you enter into a whole new world:

I'm Gonna Get You, Smurfy.
Smurfy Brown

John Smurf. (think Isaac Hayes, baby!)

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