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Left Wing Nut Job

2110-301-603 COLOR.JPGIn a discussion about Al Gore winning the Nobel Peace Prize on KUWS yesterday Karl Spring, chief meteorologist for NBC affiliate KBJR, scoffed at Al Gore and said he wouldn't "pay a dime" to see "An Inconvenient Truth" because Al Gore is a "left wing nut job."

Don't you find it refreshing when scientists can put aside prejudice and examine issues based on cold, hard facts?

Seriously, if this guy as a meteorologist wanted to argue the science behind the movie, I'm all ears. If he just wants to cast aspersions and call people names, then maybe Fox is hiring.

Comments

so, by Karl's logic, being a "left wing nut job" is an immediate disqualification for any sort of actual or factual evidence...

does that mean I can discount anything that he says about the weather by nature of the fact that he's a narrowminded neocon?

meh. never thought he was that good of a prognosticator anyhow...


Just another reason not to watch or listen to the crap that the 'northland's newscenter' puts out. what a load of crap.


If I were to create a production of "The Raider of the Lost Ark" using local television new talent, I would definitely cast Karl Spring as a Nazi henchman. Nothing too significant maybe like one of the Major Toht's henchmen. Yeah.



Would it have been better if he'd said he wouldn't go see Al Bore's movie because the science Al uses is all bullshit?

I wouldn't use the term 'nutjob'. Maybe 'hypocrite', but not nutjob.


Yet another reason why George is superior to Karl: George would *never* say something asinine like that.


I don't know about wings just nuts. Then again maybe the sky is falling.


MMMMMMMM... Wings and nuts.


I already wrote an email to Dave Jensch, the Northland News Center's station head honcho. Those kind of immature insults don't belong on the public airwaves. I'm switching over to WDIO. Denny would never let his meteorolgist talk like that! George would never have spewed this kind of crap either.


Well, George tends to the right and has been a global warming cynic in the past. However, I think he is willing to have an intelligent conversation about it, and he is not likely to negatively label people based on his own opinions-- especially in such a flippant manner. I'm disappointed in Karl Spring. His comment shows poor judgment on many levels.


I'm really glad we hang people for giving opinions that differ from ours.


Maybe Karl is just mad as hell and won't take it anymore.


i would really just like to go through ONE SINGLE DAY without somebody in Internets Comment-land (or FoxNews or print media) making a ridiculously insane analogy between hanging/lynching and somebody getting a sound verbal drumming in the public fora.

for fuck's sake.


verbal drubbing.

and public forum.

sigh.


Do Karl Spring's wing and nuts know Sven Svengaard's penis?


That is really sad.


Beat me to that one, HBH.

And it sounds like he wasn't giving an opinion, he was denouncing someone else's opinion. Slight difference.


I'm confused about the whole hanging thing. Was tremolite denouncing Karl for "hanging" Al or denouncing some commenters for "hanging" Karl.

Something's being hung here.

At any rate, Karl's comments amount to an ad hominen attack and should be denounced as such.


Have you ever noticed that only nut jobs call people nut jobs?

Wait...


Chads.


i gotyer chad right here.


The full audio is available on KUWS.fm.

Spring doesn't deny that global warming exists or that it's the fault of human beings and their fossil fuels. He seems mainly against the politicization of the topic, saying that the facts in the movie are inaccurate and twisted for Gore's own political gain.


what political gain?
MAYbe with Diebold's help he could "win" an election...

but do you really think that's what Gore's up to?

perhaps it's penance for the invention of the interwebs and that whole potatoe thing.


He didn't say anything about an election, and "gain" was a word I used when paraphrasing.

Everyone should listen to the interview, and not to me.


potatoe was Dan Quail, and Gore actually never said he invented the internet. Snopes has a fairly good write up about the incident in question


Al Gore is a "left-wing nutjob". If you believe his financially and politically motivated meanderings, then perhaps your mother should have been should have been an extreme pro-abortion advocate.


Thanks for the link, Barrett. I hadn't heard the interview but just had read the report I cited before posting this. While Mr. Spring does start with an ad hominem attack, he does actually address some of his science-based concerns later on which are not cited in the article. You should hear the whole thing in context.


Al Gore couldn't find his ass with two hands and anyone who buys into his B.S. should retroactively abort themselves. Kudos to Mr. Spring for calling a "spade" a spade.


i luv you b cookie!


I must admit that I think Al Gore is definately a hypocrite concerning his "global warming" stance. This is a guy who wants people to ride bikes or walk to work yet he travels all over in a private jet. He also justifies his multi thousand dollar monthly electric bill for his mansion by saying he invests in a tree farm, or whatever it is that is supposedly producing oxygen. I believe that good old Al actually owns the company he gives the money to - what a bunch of b.s.

I have seen the movie "An Inconvenient Truth" and it is definataely an oxymoron, the movie should have been titled : "A convenient Un-truth"


shoot...sorry barrett...is was late and you were right...


Regarding the article in today's Duluth paper:

I find it interesting that you captured the essence of the debate about Al Gore's movie in your article as well as public discourse about research results.

"Spring then dropped the “left-wing nut” comment and said that, although he
hadn’t seen the movie,........"

This is typical by many nay sayers of any information, scientific or not,
from any location on the spectrum of political ideology. Many of the
comments are made by people who either have never seen or read the
information themselves or more commonly, fail to understand it.


Scientists don't agree on global warming and it's existence and if I remember correctly from school, there is no room in science for consensus. Something is either proven true or false. In the case of Al Gore and his movie, a judge in the UK found NINE LIES that in the movie that have to be disclosed to any English student who watches it. Why don't we do that in our country? I don't like name calling, but I will defend Mr. Spring's right to say what he would like--it's called free speech. That's supposed to be a right here in America. If you really want to know what our country should be all about, google Ron Paul and see how far we have come from the constitution and our rights. To me, that is more frightening that global warming.


"Global Warming" is nothing but spin put on a natual occurance by profit grabbing, spotlight hungry individuals. Nutty Gore would be a lot more believable if he did not own a business that is selling "Carbon Offsets". Don't any of the posters here have any earth sciences training, or are all of you liberal, liberal ed dropouts? Science (Climatology, Geology, Oceanography, even Paleontology for a few samples) proves that climate goes through natural cycles, look into that proof, if you dare!!! You might actually learn something. Do not be led, by a greedy nut such as Gore, like midless sheep. Nutty Gore is just crying "The sky is falling" strictly for personal gain, both political and financial.


Karl's a local (chief)meteorologist, not a social commentator. Paul Douglas is not pleased.


ke, you nailed it exfuckingzactly!! I just wish the name calling on both sides of the issue would stop.


Karl utilizes free speech to offer his opinion and lefty types go ballistic. Of course its OK when a celebrity spouts off on global warming and boy aren't they the experts! Gore is a celebrity/polititcian. The Nobel Prize was a joke.


Karl did utilize his free speech rights, I don't think anyone can argue with that. However, he's a weather man for cripe's sake..isn't it slightly disconcerting that a person who studies the weather for a living is blinded by his right wing ideology? Al Gore has actually done a lot of work and investigation on global warming and even agrees that the earth goes through natural cycles..it is the rapid rate of increase in the cycles and their consequences that are the kicker. Sure he rides in a jet..I'm a Green Party member and I drive a car. We all have to make conscious choices about our own ecological footprints...at least he is breaking a sweat trying to get his message out-its better than doing nothing, ignoring reality, and name calling.


Bush would never have let this go untouched if it had been a democrat saying that against a republican. He would have had him arrested and sent to jail to await trial...I think Karl should be fired for his actions on public tv...I will never listen to him again or watch channel 6 if he remains on there...I will watch l0-l3..


Four words: Storm in a teacup. Karl Spring was misguided (but within his rights) to turn the discussion political instead of dealing with facts. But a lot of people are extrapolating (probably correctly) that Karl is on the other side of the spectrum, and using that to discredit him as any kind of scientist. How does that work?
Also, it's like the idea of global warming didn't even legitimately exist until Al Gore made a movie of it. And I think it makes some people uncomfortable when one person with the capital to create something like 'An Inconvenient Truth' gets the glory for compiling decades of research. Whatever side of the fence you sit on...


P.T. Barnum reincarnated as Al Gore. Now theres a movie!! Too bad the Nobel committee is so corrupt.
How about the peace prize for someone who really deserves it. (Burma Monks perhaps)


P.T. Barnum reincarnated as Al Gore. Now theres a movie!! Too bad the Nobel committee is so corrupt.
How about the peace prize for someone who really deserves it. (Burma Monks perhaps)


whoa nellie who opened the flood gates? heh. A lot of poorly remembered stuff being spit forth. I'll tackle just one or two of them.

Science is mostly about consensus, a theory is proposed tested and accepted or not until a better one comes along or it is shown the old one is invalid. Very rarely are things as cut and dried as "proven true or false", things change, new data is collected and theories are refined. There is an overwhelming consensus (and yes that is the right and proper term)that global warming is exasberated by human activity. If you wish to ignore that and feel that humans have little impact on the climate there isn't much anyone can do except point you back towards the gathering mountain of evidence to the contrary. Yes, the earth goes through cycles of warming and cooling, but also yes the current cycle is being partially driven by the amount of carbon emissions we are putting into the atmosphere. It is making a natural cycle bigger and more extreme.
This is not really a liberal or conservative issue and trying to make it one is disingenuous to the point of making yourselves look a bit foolish.

I fail to see how Gore is achieving anything political out of this, he is not running for anything, and yes he owns a working farm that consumes electricity, and flies in a plane, the point being? How does that detract from encouraging people to walk or ride a bike (OMG walking is a liberal issue, you better cut off your legs!)
But whatever, I suspect the recent commentators have wandered in from "Free Duluth citizens blog", you'll find we engage in a lot less mysterious deletion of posts around here.


I'm discouraged when meteorologists like Karl Spring or Dave Dahl (KSTP) pipe up against scientific FACT.

FACT: global climate is warming dramatically

FACT: there is much more man-produced carbon in the atmosphere than ever.

FACT: climate change will have drastic effect on human civilization, some good, mostly bad

I would hope that at least meteorologists would understand these facts. Perhaps they need to review their lessons on the differences between weather and climate.


Lets not forget Al Gore made this a political issue. I give Karl Spring credit for calling it like it is. Al Gore is nuts.


Just a note - if you follow the link you'll realize that the adam above is not the transistor adam who is a regular here, but an entirely different adam.


Al Gore is a hypocrite. He wants us to change our life styles to "cut our carbon footprint" but HE can fly around in his fuel guzzling jet promoting HIS movie and HIS carbon offset business. How big of a carbon footprint is that? He can live in a house that uses 20 times the power of the average American. He also put out feelers recently to run for the Presidency. What is your definition of a hypocrite? What fool can honestly say that Gore isn't using his "Sky is falling" cry to his political and financial advantage? I hope that none of the individuals posting here is stupid enough to think that nut job Gore is doing this as a humanitarian.


Tell me what the republicans who controlled congress since l993 done up to this minute to change or fix things..your court selected president and vice president..oh ya 5 deferment dick and the cheerleader who couldnt even fullfill his tour of duty done that is so great...Absolutely nothing but get us into trouble with all other countries and get us into uncontrolable debt...he also should be in jail with Karl for running off there discusting mouths about things they know nothing about....good riddens we will only have that crew for another year and they will all be history....Global warming is for real..or dont you care about your kids and theres.....better wake up people....



Algore`s book, An Inconvenient Truth is rife with either one sided, misleading,speculative,exaggerated or just plain wrong statements:

One-sided statements


• It neglects to mention that aggregate mortality and mortality rates due to extreme weather events declined dramatically during the 20 th century.

• It neglects to mention the circumstances that make it reasonable rather than blameworthy for America to be the biggest CO 2 emitter: the world's largest economy, abundant fossil energy resources, markets integrated across continental distances, the world's most mobile population.

• The book impugns the motives of so-called global warming skeptics but never acknowledges the special-interest motivations of those whose research grants, direct mail income, industrial policy privileges, regulatory power, prosecutorial plunder, or political careers depend on keeping the public in a state of fear about global warming.

• AIT never addresses the obvious criticism that the Kyoto Protocol is all economic pain for no environmental gain and that regulations stringent enough to measurably cool the planet would be a “cure” worse than the alleged disease.

Misleading statements

• AIT implies that, throughout the past 650,000 years, changes in CO 2 levels preceded and largely caused changes in global temperature, whereas the causality mostly runs the other way: CO 2 changes followed global temperature changes.

• It ignores the societal factors that typically overwhelm climatic factors in determining people's risk of damage or death from hurricanes, floods, drought, tornadoes, wildfires, and disease.

• It implies that a study, which found that none of 928 science articles (actually abstracts) denied a CO 2 -global warming link, shows that Gore's apocalyptic view of global warming is the “consensus” view among scientists.

• It reports that 48 Nobel Prize-winning scientists accused Bush of distorting science, without mentioning that the scientists acted as members of a 527 political group set up to promote the Kerry for President Campaign.

Exaggerated statements

• AIT hypes the importance and exaggerates the certainty of the alleged link between global warming and the frequency and severity of tropical storms.

• Claims polar bears “have been drowning in significant numbers,” based on a report that found four drowned polar bears in one month of one year, following an abrupt storm.

• Portrays the collapse in 2002 of the Larson-B ice shelf—a formation the “size of Rhode Island”—as harbinger of doom. For perspective, the Larson-B was 180 th the size of Texas and 1/246 th the size of the West Antarctic Ice Sheet (WAIS).

• AIT presents a graph suggesting that China's new fuel economy standards are almost 30% more stringent than the current U.S. standards. In fact, the Chinese standards are only about 5% more stringent.

Speculative statements

• AIT blames global warming for the record-breaking 37-inch downpour in Mumbai, India, in July 2005, even there has been no trend in Mumbai rainfall for the month of July in 45 years.

• It blames global warming for recent floods in China's Sichuan and Shandong provinces, even though more damaging floods struck those areas in the 19 th and early 20 th centuries.

• It blames global warming for the disappearance of Lake Chad, a disaster more likely stemming from a combination of regional climate variability and societal factors such as population increase and overgrazing.

• AIT warns that a doubling of pre-industrial CO 2 levels to 560 ppm will so acidify seawater that all optimal areas for coral reef construction will disappear by 2050—implausible because coral calcification rates have increased as ocean temperatures and CO 2 levels have risen, and today's main reef builders evolved and thrived during the Mesozoic Period, when atmospheric CO 2 levels hovered above 1,000 ppm for 150 million years and exceeded 2,000 ppm for several million years.

• It warns of “significant and alarming structural changes” in the submarine base of the WAIS, but does not tell us what those changes are or why they are “significant and alarming.” The WAIS has been retreating since the early Holocene. At the rate of retreat observed in the 1990s, the WAIS should disappear in about 7,000 years.

• It warns that half the Greenland Ice Sheet could “slide” into the sea, even though the ice sheet sits in a bowl-like depression surrounded by mountains that restrict glacial outflow to the sea.

Wrong statements

• AIT claims glaciologist Lonnie Thompson's reconstruction of climate history proves the Medieval Warm Period was “tiny” compared to the warming observed in recent decades. It doesn't. Four of Thompson's six ice cores indicate the Medieval Warm Period was as warm as or warmer than any recent decade.

• It claims the rate of global warming is accelerating, when it has been remarkably constant for the past 30 years—roughly 0.17°C/decade.

• It attributes Europe's killer heat wave of 2003 to global warming; it was actually due to an atmospheric circulation anomaly.

• It claims that 2004 set an all-time record for the number of tornadoes in the United States. Tornado frequency has not increased; rather, the detection of smaller tornadoes has increased. If we consider the tornadoes that have been detectable for many decades (F-3 or greater), there is actually a downward trend since 1950.

• It blames global warming for a “mass extinction crisis” that is not, in fact, occurring




The mean temps have not gone up since `96. So what happened to your run away + feedback loop theory?

The warmest years were in the `30`s and not the 90`s. James Hansen`s (NASA) data was either flawed or rigged.

-CO2 is only about 0.038% of the atmosphere and only 3.6 per cent of greenhouse gases. Of that only 3.4 to 5% is man-made. CO2 as a result of man's activities was only 3.2 per cent of that, hence only 0.12 per cent of the greenhouse gases in total. Human-related methane, nitrogen dioxide and CFCs etc made similarly minuscule contributions to the effect: 0.066, 0.047 and 0.046 per cent respectively.

-Mankind (anthropomorphic climate change) IS NOT the primary cause of GW now or for instance during the Medieval period when it was actually warmer than today. Mankind was neither responsible for the little ice age either or the warming taking place on Mars or Pluto today. Greenland was called Greenland for a reason, it was green. The Vikings lived there during the Medieval warming period and it was hot enough to cultivate grapes. Did the Vikings drive SUV`s !?

-CO2 does not antedate temperature increases. Temperature increases first, CO2 follows behind by up to 800 years.

-There is enough CO2 in the atmosphere to absorb almost all of the IR in the main carbon dioxide absorption bands.Added CO2 would still only cause an incremental increase in the amount of infrared absorption.Each time CO2 is doubled the increase in temperature will be less than previously simply because all the longwave radiation that can be absorbed has already been absorbed. It`s been calculated that CO2 absorbance is 376 units per km for 380 ppm. Doubling CO2 at it`s absorbtion bandwidth would only cause an increase IR absorbtion of about 0.17%.

-Clouds and greenhouse gases (GHGs), like water vapor and carbon dioxide, absorb radiation of varying wavelengths emitted by the earth. Some of these absorption bands overlap. In a sense, clouds and the various GHGs “compete” to absorb the earth’s radiation. Because of this competition, the heat-trapping potentials of clouds and GHGs don’t simply add up in a linear fashion.
-As explained in greater detail on the Department of Energy Web site, there is — and has been since before the industrial revolution — enough carbon dioxide in the atmosphere to absorb about 36 percent of the radiation emitted by the earth. But because of the “competition” for the earth’s radiation from clouds and other GHGs, the heat-trapping contribution of carbon dioxide to the greenhouse effect is reduced to about 12 percent. “By itself, however, carbon dioxide is capable of trapping three times as much radiation as it actually does in the earth’s atmosphere,” the DOE said. Adding more carbon dioxide to the atmosphere, then, can do little to trap more of the earth’s radiation and so won’t contribute much to higher temperatures or more global warming.

-Temperatures have both risen and fallen during the period atmospheric CO2 has been rising. CO2 only plays a very minor part in climate change and man-made CO2, even less.

-Spending billions if not trillions to redistribute wealth(Kyoto) and creating a precursor to a command and control economy only to reduce the earth`s temperature by about 0.003055225 °C by the year 2050 or so, is just not worth it.

-" Kyoto represents the first component of an authentic global governance."
Jacques Chirac at The Hauge 2000


-The IPCC claimed climate change to be "very likely" 90% man-made. All scientific statistical tests are subject to a 95% confidence interval and must be proven with objective data and analysis Therefore, the IPCC`s “very likely” claim is opnion, not scientific fact.

-National Research Council report on the UN`s IPCC/Mann chart stated that Mann`s method was biased towards producing hockey stick-shaped temp. chart, that uncertainties had been underestimated. In otherwords, the UN`s IPCC Temp. chart was false.

-Last year the National Academies convened a committee and asked scientists to model temperatures from a thousand years ago to within 0.5 °C (0.9 °F). None claimed they could, except for Mr. "hockey stick" himself, Mike Mann. And we all know his "hockey stick" temp. chart has been debunked long ago,regardless of "peer review" aka, fellow travellers.

-Climate models are programmed to overstate potential warming response to enhanced greenhouse forcing by a huge margin.

-The 2007 IPCC Summary for Policy Makers (pols) was released before the report itself so that " Changes (other than grammatical or minor editorial changes) made after acceptance by the Working Group or the Panel shall be those necessary to ensure consistency with the Summary for Policymakers or the Overview Chapter. See Appendix A to the Principles Governing IPCC Work, p4/15 "
They released the IPCC's the political conclusions first, and then will adjust the actual science to fit them.

-Climate change related projects accounted for over 25% of the 3-year total reported grants and contributions received by 10 of the top-20 institutions. For 6 organizations, climate change grants accounted for 50% of their reported grants and contributions received.

-Of the list of recipients of those private funds reveals that the vast majority are spent by groups favoring restrictions on carbon dioxide emissions and believe that climate change requires dramatic government action.

-The U.S. federal government spent nearly $2 billion to support climate change science programs in 2004.

-Global alarmists are dependant upon these funds and must continue to produce doomsday scenarios.


Yo! Joey, you forgot to credit your souce...

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1910503/posts


Good for him. He was using his free speech that you Americans tout about so much.

We hear so much about "Freedom of Speech" from down there when it comes to protesting the war, protesting the President or whatever but when someone has an opinion that differs from your own, suddenly he shouldn't be allowed to say anything!

So, is it freedom for all, or just freedom for some?


Who let all the wing nuts in?


oops, source...


Good for him. He was using his free speech that you Americans tout about so much.

We hear so much about "Freedom of Speech" from down there when it comes to protesting the war, protesting the President or whatever but when someone has an opinion that differs from your own, suddenly he shouldn't be allowed to say anything!

So, is it freedom for all, or just freedom for some?


The DNT's got a poll!


Very well done Joey Mathers and presented in an excellent manner. However, I believe that the Gore worshippers will not change their minds. In spite of excellent efforts such as yours the Gories will not allow you to confuse them with true facts. As their god Gore has said "A zebra will not change its spots". These fools should look at the facts and come to the realization that there are always false prophets preaching doom and gloom. The mindless sheep are too lazy to actually look into the each doomsday scare and research tough questions such as "Who has something to gain from spining this into a panic"? Any of these sheep ever notice that there is always some scare running rampant across this country? Should you and I start a panic about the sun dying? I bet we too could get rich about creating a panic about this truism.


If you want to complain to the station, these guys are the two head honchos.

Robert Wilmers and David Jensch.

If their email scheme is the same as Karl Spring's (I read a email appology sent to a friend) their addresses should be rwilme[email protected] and [email protected]

Let the northland's voice be heard!


Well while you are patting yourself on the back I am really curious to see that data cited correctly and not just in a bulleted (accept it its true) format. And a simple question, if all this is global warming stuff is so full of bullshit as many of you are implying then why do the overwhelming majority of climate scientists agree that it is occurring and that it is partially a result of human activity? This is not a minority view, it is not something that changed since Gore's movie, hell even the current Whitehouse folks admit that it is occurring. I understand there are those who don't feel important unless they can buy into a conspiracy and feel as if they are oppressed, but come on really? citing FreeRepublic? That's pretty weak sauce.


First of all let me state that I am a professional scientist employed in the management of Lake Superior ecosystems. Science is not black and white as has been suggested. Our understanding of Global Climate change has and is evolving and has been for nearly 30 years. I studied the theory back in college in the 80’s. Our understanding of Climate change has increased greatly since Gore’s movie. The body of evidence is immense and diverse and it points to the same thing, humans are influencing our global climate. I respect your rights to your opinions and free speech but these opinions fly in the face of literally thousands of studies demonstrating climate change. In addition to climatological studies there are studies that range from soil functions to aquatic ecosystem shifts to forest compositional changes. The results are the same; climate change is real and is accelerating. I wish I could benefit politically of financialy from climate change but this reality is only going to make my work more difficult. Managing Lake Superior fisheries, forests and streams will cost us more money and time that we do not have. Already we have to adapt our management strategies. In addition lower water levels could affect shipping which will affect the economy here in Duluth. All is not gloom and doom we can do something about Climate Change but we need to be willing to act. Fortunately action will in many cases save use money in the long run. Duluth’s signing on to the Cities for Climate Change Protection will save the city money which ultimately benefits taxpayers.

Getting specifically to the comments made, derogatory comments benefit no one. Karl Spring may be a great meteorologist but he is not a Climatologist. It is unfortunate that he commented on movie he did not see. An often used analogy is that weather dictates what clothes you wear today; Climate dictates what clothes you keep in you closet. While these sciences are closely related they are not the same. Karls comments may reflect his opinion as a weather forecaster but there are not based in the science of a climatologist. The science of Global Climate Change is bigger than Al Gore. It is about our willingness to examine and collect data about our environment, come up with theories, and thoroughly test those theories and report the implication of their results. That is the job of the scientist. This is not about opinions but a systematic application of principles to discern the facts.

Implementing policies is up to you.


I find it very disheartening that people in Duluth say what ever they want about our president, going so far as to put "Buck Fush" signs in their windows and on their lawns, but God forbid the local weather man refers to Al Gore as a "nut." And people are getting really upset with him...saying they won't watch him on the news anymore? Come on people!! What's wrong with having an opinion? I think we can all agree that there are worse things he could have called him. I'm pretty sure that our freedom of speech includes everyone in the USA; even local weather reporters.


I find it very disheartening that people in Duluth say what ever they want about our president, going so far as to put "Buck Fush" signs in their windows and on their lawns, but God forbid the local weather man refers to Al Gore as a "nut." And people are getting really upset with him...saying they won't watch him on the news anymore? Come on people!! What's wrong with having an opinion? I think we can all agree that there are worse things he could have called him. I'm pretty sure that our freedom of speech includes everyone in the USA; even local weather reporters.


Odd that you used the phrase "our president" and "Al Gore" in the same sentence.


He's a public figure. He can say whatever he wants, but at a greater cost.


"Managing Lake Superior fisheries, forests and streams will cost us more money and time that we do not have". Who says we need to manage these? Only those who can profit from doing so. More scientists, more administrators, more tax dollars right? What is wrong with letting nature take its course and not meddle with it? There will be winners and there will be losers, just like has happened for millenia before humans arrived on the scene. There is no way that insignificant little humans are going to stop Climatic Change (thank you for using the proper terminology) and maintain the status quo. You know darn well that there IS NO STATUS QUO for the climate. It is true that human activity can add to the rate of change, but to what extent, THAT is where the real debate should focus and at what cost to society for minimizing that minute addition. Are we talking of an additional .001% or a .01% increase in the RATE of change due to human activity and what will it cost to cut our .001% contribution in half. I do not hear any scientist being clear about HOW MUCH human activity is ADDING to the rate of change. Profit and spotlight greedy individuals (Gore) are taking advantage of the fact that scientists know there is change happening but there is no proof of how much humans are affecting the change, so humans must be responsible for all of the change, right? That is where the scare tactics usde by the spinmasters come to light and the whole agrument on "Global Warming" due to human activity falls apart. How about the third world countries that are developing heavy industries with little or no controls on emmisions? We could eliminate half of the USA contribution to the .001% rate but be easily offset by the 3rd world industries that are polluting air and water.
It is the old "guns and butter" debate all over again. How much of our limited resources do we really want to devote to fighting one battle vrs. allocating those dollars to improving some other aspect of our society.


Oh great. Not the old "guns and butter" debate AGAIN.


wow....well you folks convinced me I was wrong. I now believe that global warming is a hype and that it's all Al Gore's fault.

Thanks for helping me out.


First off, lets keep up with the derogatory comments. Nothing really gets me off like making
someone feel inferior to me.

Secondly, I think whether Gore is right or wrong, if the earth will fry or freeze, if the acid rain is giving us a bum tomato crop, or if the ozone layer is swallowing up the moon...we should all do our best to gather information from MULTIPLE sources, debate with many people, and do our best to think about our environment.

Most the knowledge that we have about accumulated in the past few hundred years has been proven wrong, been re-articulated and reformulated a dozen times over...but somehow we have not fuck everything up for the next few hundred [thousand?] years.

So...read National Geographic, listen to Al Gore, hear out Karl Spring, get educated about public policy (and not just through far right/left websites), etc. etc. etc. and do something.


but yeah i don't know why K-spring would say that.

plus i always see him giving the women anchors "eyes".


REX,

FYI:FreeRepublic is Libertarian.

Those bullet points are mine except for the evisceration of alogre`s book.

Al Gore claimed to have invented the internet.
False, Problem is you cannot invent something that already existed.

Al Gore claimed to have discovered Love Canal. False.

Al Gore claimed that A Love Story was based on he and Tipper.False.

AlGore claimed no controlling legal authority taking money in Buddhist temples. False.

AlGore`s mansion uses up to 20X the electricity of a normal household.

AlGore`s claims he offsets his electrical use by purchasing "carbon credits". Problem is, he buys them from jis own company, essentially, investing in his own company.



The Sun still and always will drive temperature changes even though Junk Scientists claim that relationship ended 20 years ago:

http://www.spacecenter.dk/publications/scientific-report-series/Scient_No._3.pdf/view


I'm not wearing pants.


K Joey we get it you hat Al Gore, point received loud and clear. But seriously you have shot yourself in the foot a few times with your bullet points some of which are so easily refuted, known, and accepted as false you really don't exude much credibility.

cheers


Joey, I just used Al's internet and Googled the first sentence of your post. Low and behold the exact same spiel was on the site I URL'd . Thanks for clearing that up? I love the internet political cut and paste arguments, makes research and interpretation a thing of the past. I never made reference to any affiliation of the URL?


Rex, Edgeways:

Dealt with you truthers before and you pikers are easily dispatched with aplomb each and every time.

So, bring it on!

Your + feedback loop theory is false. Temps have not increased since `96.

CO2 does not and never has antedated temp increases. Not in ice core nor stomata data.

Your whole theory of man-made CO2 as THE cause of AGW doesn`t even make it out of the starting gate.


NASA`s James Hansen,left-wing stooge caught using either false or flawed data
---------------------------

How many people, for instance, know that James Hansen, a man billed as a lonely “NASA whistleblower” standing up to the mighty U.S. government, was really funded by Soros’ Open Society Institute, which gave him “legal and media advice”? That’s right, Hansen was packaged for the media by Soros’ flagship “philanthropy,” by as much as $720,000, most likely under the OSI’s “politicization of science” program.

That may have meant that Hansen had media flacks help him get on the evening news to push his agenda and lawyers pressuring officials to let him spout his supposedly “censored” spiel for weeks in the name of advancing the global warming agenda. Hansen even succeeded, with public pressure from his nightly news performances, in forcing NASA to change its media policies to his advantage.

http://ibdeditorial.com/IBDArticles.aspx?id=275526219598836


If Al Gore says we're in terrible trouble don't believe it. If someone says Al Gore is full of shit don't believe it.
Don't believe anything you hear. We're in a war of information and everyone is trying to top each other w/bullshit.
Find out what the score is for yourself. I know what I know, not from what people tell me, but what I've found out for myself,and that is for me to know and you to find out. Let them that have ears hear and them that have eyes see. The remainder will simply have to go fuck themselves when the truth be finally told.


PS rex and edgeways,

First rex.Typical leftist who doesn`t know jack. You google and find my post at FR. Who do you think Para-ord45 is ? Don`t know? PM me at FR and I`ll reply to you.

Secondly edgeway, I do not hate algore. Don`t know him, never met him. I hate his Big Lie. His propaganda has surpassed that of Leni Riefenstahls`.
You wanna go toe to toe trying to argue algore`s agw to the facts, let`s have at it.


nah Joey, go ahead whinge on man, whinge on. Everybody else is wrong you are right, sleep tight lill buddy.


Damn; truther, piker, and a leftist. If that's the case; I'll certainly bow out to an enraged .45 toting libertarian. I'm kind of scared now...


Joey, what have you been up to?
From Buzz.Duluth:

Nutty poll

Duluth TV meterologist Karl Spring has bravely waded into the global climatological debate.
The KBJR weatherman isn't the first to brand Al Gore as a "left wing nut." A Google search on the subject shows 11,100 other references.
In case you're wondering, the duluthnewstribune.com poll pitting Karl Spring and Al Gore has had some wild swings, most recently "for" a nuttier Gore.
Why? One reason is the poll has been "freepd" by freerepublic.com, a "very popular (and, warning: addictive) conservative news and discussion forum."


I'm still not wearing pants.


edgeay/rex,

Been here,seen it.

Leftists who can regurgitate their pablum but cannot debate detailed specifics.

I accept your implied refusal to debate.

Prediction:

algore predicted the a few years ago the end of the world would begin in 10 years. So in about 8 years those of use grounded in reality are going to have one big guffaw at at all you " the world is goin gto end unless you do everything we say".


oh pleasepleaseplease tell me Bill O'Really's sock puppet is going home soon.


Finally someone has the guts in middle America to say what they feel. Is it possible that this is all politics and not true objective science? As a longtime DFL, I to think Al Gore is a Far-left NUT job.


yo joey
your use of labels (right/left,etc.)certainly distinguishes you from the rest & limits your identity to one of a kind. i commend you on your extensive research & your remarkable talent for caring. far be it for me to tell the truth, but this one thing i know: them that know don't speak & them that speak don't know. try leaving the world behind for a spell & doctor your mortal soul w/refreshing ideals of a universe that is a total abortion & will end as intended weather you know it or not. i'm not talking about anything left or right here so you might stumble on my directives. things are not what they appear. seldom have they ever been. thinking you know jack shit doesn't change a thing. it's all going the way it will whatever your left nutjobs or your right thinkers do or say. have a good time researching that,tiger. go git em.


DNT POLL: we've covered this before... "This whole thing is wildly inaccurate. Rounding errors, ballot stuffers, dynamic IPs, firewalls. If you're using these numbers to do anything important, you're insane."

And stop feeding the trolls.



IF one is functionally illiterate - hasn't read Gore's book; knew not who won the Noble Peace Prize - then what more should one expect from what's-his-name, one of the local weathermen?


As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.


OK everybody...I watched the movie, "An Inconvenient Truth." Here's my review: I agree global warming is occurring, particulary in the last 125 years, due largely to the industrial revolution. I never debated that point. I was shocked that in the movie, the way Gore explained the greenhouse effect was to use a 5 minute segment from 'FUTURAMA' (a Matt Groening cartoon from FOX...isn't that ironic?) showing himself explaining the science to a little girl whose ice cream cone had melted. That's how to explain the greenhouse effect? Really? I was also surprised that about 20 minutes of the movie (in different segments) was devoted to him losing the election to Bush. What does that have to do with global warming? Every time they showed him moving around the world, he was in a limousine or a jet. That seems hypocritical. I would have rather seen him on a horse. And, every time he showed charts and graphs (there were lots), they always went straight up at the end, into the future. That is speculation...not fact. I do NOT question global warming. I DO question the science he used for this film, and the tremendous liberties he took extrapolating unknown quantities into the next 50 to 100 years. I found the film self-serving and very loose with the so-called facts. Plus, watch it again...he rarely attributes any facts to anybody, or any scientific group. He has lots of 'they say,' and 'we found.' I need more empirical data than that.

I apologize for one thing...calling him 'a left wing nut.' That was wrong.

Karl Spring: Chief Meteorologist - Northland's NewsCenter


p.s. SHOWERS LIKELY SUNDAY, CLEARING TO BEGIN MONDAY


Karl Spring,
Coming from a 'lefty' here, yes, your apology is accepted. And as far as nuts go, right or left....oak trees from little acorns grow.

Advice which I carry in a back pocket of my mind (yet don't always follow it, no)..."What others would have done as well, do not do it; what others would have said as well as you, do, do not say it; what another would have written as well as you, do not write it. Be faithful to that which exists nowhere but in yourself and make yourself indespensable." Andre Gide
....Rachel Buber from "the unaffiliated left"


Karl,

That was very big of you. It would be easier and more convenient to ignore ranting on a local blog. As the originator of this post I never imagined the reaction it would get. I wanted to promote dignity and civility in public dialogue.

I thank you for taking the high ground. Apology accepted.

And thanks for the forecast.


OK....just so those of you that read this on Sunday (and beyond) know, the movie review and apology was from me. The letter with the forecast that followed a few minutes later was not.

Thanks, Karl


Thanks for the comments and actually watching the film Karl....

I hope we all recognize that "Inconvenient Truth" is just a movie and not a scientific dissertation. I commend Al Gore for bringing the issue into centerstage where wackos from ALL directions can critique it. Like many of us, he needs to work on correcting some hypocritical behavior.

As for Karl, I can breathe a sigh of relief as I enjoy watching your weather segments here and, several years ago, in the Twin Cities.


Coming late to the game, but:

1) Interesting, that the raving right-wingers attack Al Gore and not the scientists whose work he cites.

2) Interesting, that attempts to "debunk" climate change and "An Inconvient Truth" have themselves have been shot down: http://scienceblogs.com/deltoid/2007/10/an_error_is_not_the_same_thing.php

3) Interesting, that the guy who pushed the lawsuit is a known industrialist and bankroller of anti-environmentalism, including at least one political party based on climate-change denialism: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/10/19/43056/159


Karl Spring,

The Earth warms, the Earth cools. Happened before and will happen again.

To state that man is the primary reason for an increase in mean temp increases is false as Al Gore attempted t oimply in his powerpoint movie. To say so would imply accepting the runaway + feedback loop theory of CO2 driving temperature increases.

CO2 never has antedated temperature increases and never will. It in fact lags behind temp increases by as much as 800 years.

The runaway + feedback loop theory is proven false because temperatures have not increased since 2005/2006.

http://www.cru.uea.ac.uk/cru/data/temperature/hadcrut3vgl.txt

" Kyoto represents the first component of an authentic global governance."

Jacques Chirac at The Hauge 2000

So called man-made global warming is merely a trojan horse for the marxist left. Warming, through its primary antidote of withdrawing carbon from production and consumption, is capable of realizing the marxist utopian dream,through environmentalism, of an egalitarian society based on rejection of economic growth in favor of a smaller population's eating lower on the food chain, consuming a lot less, and sharing a much lower level of resources much more equally(aka, carbon trading).


Joey Mathers used to be so adorable as the Beaver. I wonder what twisted him?


Joey Mathers: A hot tip for you to check out:

Get your message out to a more receptive audience. Thanks.

Aren't you concerned how frequenting this Marxist Web site will look at the next John Birch Society meeting?


umm...Eddie...Jerry Mathers was the Beaver.


This is the 100th comment


My error, the correct paragraph should have read :


The runaway + feedback loop theory is proven false because temperatures have not increased since 1998/1999

http://www.cru.uea.ac.uk/cru/data/temperature/hadcrut3vgl.txt


"The runaway + feedback loop theory is proven false because temperatures have not increased since 2005/2006."

global warming detractors think awfully small when they're trying to debunk imperical data related to climate change. I think it kinda plays right along with their "Instant Karma Gotta Have Everything Yesterday Bigger Is Better Screw Everyone Else But Me" mentality. If that doesn't work they resort to using derogative names like "Marxist" which are complete misnomers. It's like trying to link Iraq with the war on terror...or Fascism with Communism.

2005/2006...365 days (roughly)...try expanding your comparisons by decades. instead of days.

I'm not certain that the emphasis is on warming and cooling on a natural basis. Rather that said change has been accelerated in recent years by higher outputs of carbon based emissions.

Anyone who says that we can keep doing what we're doing to the environment and come out on the back end of it without some sort of catastrophic repercussion really has their head in the sand.

Jerry, here are a couple of facts for you, just because you're so fond of putting forth your own:

FACT: There are more industrial based emissions polluting the atmosphere now than at any other point in history.

FACT: Worldwide deforestation is greatly hampering the earth's ability to process and convert CO2 emissions.

Do you actually think that type of activity doesn't come with some sort of negative return? Or is it that the results of this activity are so far off in the future that it doesn't matter?

sounds just a bit selfish...

I wonder how many of these "expert" detractors of global warming are paid off by large corporations for their "opinions."

In the end, arguing about it isn't going to do any good at all...I'm not going to change your mind, and you're certainly not going to change mine. Your argument against is as full of holes as for...at best it's a wait and see.


ZRA,

Try reading my corrections before posting the usual left-wing Gaia zealotry.

The hard CRU data does not lie.Data from January of 2007 reveal the following temperature anomalies from 1998 to 2006 were 0.526, 0.302, 0.277, 0.406, 0.455, 0.465, 0.444, 0.475, 0.422.

On a graph that would point down, not up.

So the theory of a runaway CO2 + feedback lop theory is categorically FALSE.

Last time:

CO2 DOES NOT AND NEVER HAS ANTEDATED TEMPERATURE INCREASES AND IN FACT LAG BEHIND TEMPERATURE INCREASES BY S MUCH AS 800 YEARS.

AGW by man-made CO2=Lie

the temperature anomalies from 1998 to 2006 were 0.526, 0.302, 0.277, 0.406, 0.455, 0.465, 0.444, 0.475, 0.422.


Mathers: try reading what time people's comments were posted before you accuse them of not reading yours. Obviously you two commented at about the same time. You just lost credibility.


" FACT: There are more industrial based emissions polluting the atmosphere now than at any other point in history."

By emissions you mean what specifically, CO2 alone?

Once again:

-Temperatures have both risen and fallen during the period atmospheric CO2 has been rising. CO2 only plays a very minor part in climate change and man-made CO2, even less.

-Spending billions if not trillions to redistribute wealth(Kyoto) and creating a precursor to a command and control economy only to reduce the earth`s temperature by about 0.003055225 °C by the year 2050 or so, is just not worth it.



BERV,

If both of you had read all of my posts ( October 20, 2007 01:13 AM ) you both would have saved yourself complete embarrassment and true zealots of a false theory.

See the conundrum you place yourselves in when you regurgitate the pablum that is fed to you without question by the radical left.


Just curious Joey, why you are so committed here? It is fairly obvious you have a pretty dim view of most of the regular posters here, and that feeling is most likely returned... so why exactly are you here? Your presentation style and virtual verbal diarrhea of name calling and self proclaimed facts can't really be aimed at convincing anyone you are correct. Do you just like to argue for arguments sake? Because that is what this is, an argument, not a debate. I understand the position you are yelling from (and really most people here do as well), I just don't find your presentation and supporting assertions credible, and that is something name calling yelling and being generally abusive is not going to change.
You've done your duty and tried to convert the heathens, perhaps it is time to go pat yourself on the back for bringing the word to the ignorant masses, have a beer and find some like minded people to complain about us to.
cheers


Gaia zealotry?

wow.

that's a new one.


edgeways said;

" self proclaimed facts…I just don't find your presentation and supporting assertions credible..."

The facts of CO2 and that it never has antedated temp changes are NOT self-proclaimed nor are they assertions.

Which leads to your next fundamental flaw;

" Because that is what this is, an argument"

I present facts you present opinion and have yet to challenge the facts much like AlGore who ducks a REAL debate knowing he`d get skunked and made a fool of.

It`s the fundamental difference, we think, they feel.
You feel it`s the right thing to do so you do it unquestionably.

So yes, follw your grand leader algore and bow to the goracle. We`ll continue to think and laugh, especially in about 8 years when algore claimed the end of the world would begin.


hey....its cold over here.
Somebody throw some coal dust over the whats left of the arctic ice cap will ya!!


Joey,
is it at all possible for you to hold a conversation without tossing around playground epithets?

In doing so, you hope to place yourself above your opponent, but in truth you only denigrate yourself and cheapen the debate.

like i said, there are holes in both arguments...neither are airtight, because it's not an exact science...it's the effing climate for chrissakes...It boils down to what YOU personally believe...

For the record, I haven't seen AIT...It's a bit like preaching to the choir. Movies of that nature are for the most part lost on me...Unless you count Baraka in with that lot.

I simply apply realistic thinking to the situation and I come up with this: If you put toxins into your body without doing something to counter them, a rather nasty situation develops. Same with the environment. Mass deforestation via logging and conversion to agriculture to feed a growing worldwide population and increased pollutants from industrial waste and human activity exacerbates and accelerates what should be a natural process.

So, what are you suggesting we do then...say Fuck It and go ahead and continue destroying the world around us?

Sorry man...I have kids. You might not give a rat's ass what this place looks like after you die...I on the other hand am not wired that way.


Scientific American
RealClimate
Scientific American
RealClimate
">Union of Concerned Scientist report on Exxon Data
A direct, high-resolution, Southern Hemisphere record of late Neogene glacioeustasy, important constraints, and a possible stratotype for ice volume, sea-level and climate change.
grist
Intergovermental Panel on Climate Change Working Group I

Much of the data sources for trying to debunk anthrosource climate change is funded by industry that stabds to gain the most by maintaining the status quo (so if you want to talk about hypocrisy, if that is what you like to get on your high horse about go right to it). Sources that point to climate shift being partial affected by anthro activity comes from a wide range of sources. Climate is a complex issue, everyone seems to feel they are entitled to be an expert on the matter despite their ignorance.
Defend your patch of ground, nurse that hatred towards that ex-politician (You do realize it is two names right?), because the issue has been around long before whatshisname came along and will be after he moves on.

You never answered the other question btw, WHY are you here?


Regardless of the science,
the nobel prize has no business being in al gores possession.


and you're qualified to make that assessment because of what, jim?

apparently the scientific community as well as the governing board for the Nobel awards feel differently. are you trying to say that you know better than they do?

HA!


it is so important that i'm personally right that i'll trip over my own shoestrings to strangle anyone who tries to one-up me goddamit. gosh my farts smell good.
by the way - a hard rain's a gonna fall. i think jezuz sd that.


The Beav' is still hanging around? He's so cute! Running around like Chicken Little,

"The sky is not falling, CO2 DOES NOT AND NEVER HAS ANTEDATED TEMPERATURE INCREASES, the sky is not falling,CO2 DOES NOT AND NEVER HAS ANTEDATED TEMPERATURE INCREASES, the sky is not falling..."


B Cookie: By mocking Joey with "The sky is NOT falling" indicates that you ARE in fact like Chicken Little and believe "The sky IS falling". Thanks much for adding impact to Joeys argument with your mockery.


"Since 1901, the Nobel Prize has been honoring men and women from all corners of the globe for outstanding achievements in physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, and for work in peace."

I'm sorry zra but i just don't see how this describes al gore,or yassar arafat for that matter. what about deserving candidates? those who risk it all like
the burma monks are the type of candidate who are so far more deserving. its easy enough to see that the nobel committee is agenda driven and therefore must select someone who fits the pattern they've established. its all predetermined and corrupt.


Karl Spring's apology might be acceptable, if it didn't follow his smarmy review of a film on which he'd already passed judgment before he saw it.


all this talk about beaver, emissions and reguritiation make me think you all need a little oral roberts lesson.


Jim: I agree totally. The Nobel Award has appeared to be too politicized in recent years. The awarding of this formerly prestigious award to Gore has now removed all credibility formerly associated with the award. It is now comparable to the Emmy, Golden Globe even the Tony Awards, where if you hire yourself a good enough publicist you can essentially buy yourself an award. Nothing but self congradulatory back patting with obvious agenda promoting. I challenge the posters here to objectively look at the recipients of awards and look at what agenda truly is being promoted.


I would truly like to see the "Global Warming" panic debated in terms of mans' CONTRIBUTION to that which has been proven to be a naturally occuring cycle. Only then can we objectively determine "At what cost" are certain changes practical/impractical. If the USA were to spend trillions just to be offset by Brazil clear-cutting the Amazon rainforest to feed its charcoal industry (used to feed it steel industry) or Indias and Chinas out of control industrial (and unchecked pollution spewing) growth, where is the benefit, except to the profiteers? All countries need to embrace the idea of lessening their contribution to Climate Change. The USA just cannot afford to try to offset the callous disregard of the environment by developing third world countries. Yes, we can make changes, but there is a point, past which, the diminishing returns are not worth it unless the rest of the world catches up with our efforts. We must be realistic.


That's it.

***

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
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Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
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I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
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Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
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Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
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Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
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(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

(woof, woof, woof, woof)

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it

Wait for y'all my trolls, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)

Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the trolls out (woof, woof, woof, woof)


Wait a minute: "The Nobel Award has appeared to be too politicized in recent years…"

(Grammar aside) are you fucking kidding?

PLEASE DON'T FEED THE TROLLS.


hmm. Dave Anderson is doing the weather. Any news what happened to Karl?


Adam: Your post on 10/22 at 4:24, even if it was a cut and paste with a little tweaking of wording on your part, shows you have no respect for the opinions of others if they are not in lock-step with your opinions. Too bad. I've seldom encountered an individual with such a closed, intelectually vacant mind before. You will forever remain a stupid person until you pry open your mind and honestly consider all the facts on both sides of issues. Heaven forbid...you may actually learn something. You obviously wouldn't want that. Go ahead, keep your head in the sand, or up your a.., the world will go on quite well in spite of you. Your post also proves that you are a sorry individual and you need to get a life.


oh it is SO ON!

ACT I
PROLOGUE

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

SCENE I. Verona. A public place.

Enter SAMPSON and GREGORY, of the house of Capulet, armed with swords and bucklers

SAMPSON

Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals.

GREGORY

No, for then we should be colliers.

SAMPSON

I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.

GREGORY

Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar.

SAMPSON

I strike quickly, being moved.

GREGORY

But thou art not quickly moved to strike.

SAMPSON

A dog of the house of Montague moves me.

GREGORY

To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand:
therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away.

SAMPSON

A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will
take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's.

GREGORY

That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes
to the wall.

SAMPSON

True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels,
are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push
Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids
to the wall.

GREGORY

The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.

SAMPSON

'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I
have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the
maids, and cut off their heads.

GREGORY

The heads of the maids?

SAMPSON

Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads;
take it in what sense thou wilt.

GREGORY

They must take it in sense that feel it.

SAMPSON

Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and
'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.

GREGORY

'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou
hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes
two of the house of the Montagues.

SAMPSON

My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.

GREGORY

How! turn thy back and run?

SAMPSON

Fear me not.

GREGORY

No, marry; I fear thee!

SAMPSON

Let us take the law of our sides; let them begin.

GREGORY

I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as
they list.

SAMPSON

Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them;
which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it.

Enter ABRAHAM and BALTHASAR

ABRAHAM

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

SAMPSON

I do bite my thumb, sir.

ABRAHAM

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

SAMPSON

[Aside to GREGORY] Is the law of our side, if I say
ay?

GREGORY

No.

SAMPSON

No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I
bite my thumb, sir.

GREGORY

Do you quarrel, sir?

ABRAHAM

Quarrel sir! no, sir.

SAMPSON

If you do, sir, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you.

ABRAHAM

No better.

SAMPSON

Well, sir.

GREGORY

Say 'better:' here comes one of my master's kinsmen.

SAMPSON

Yes, better, sir.

ABRAHAM

You lie.

SAMPSON

Draw, if you be men. Gregory, remember thy swashing blow.

They fight

Enter BENVOLIO

BENVOLIO

Part, fools!
Put up your swords; you know not what you do.

Beats down their swords

Enter TYBALT

TYBALT

What, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds?
Turn thee, Benvolio, look upon thy death.

BENVOLIO

I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword,
Or manage it to part these men with me.

TYBALT

What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word,
As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee:
Have at thee, coward!

They fight

Enter, several of both houses, who join the fray; then enter Citizens, with clubs

First Citizen

Clubs, bills, and partisans! strike! beat them down!
Down with the Capulets! down with the Montagues!

Enter CAPULET in his gown, and LADY CAPULET

CAPULET

What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!

LADY CAPULET

A crutch, a crutch! why call you for a sword?

CAPULET

My sword, I say! Old Montague is come,
And flourishes his blade in spite of me.

Enter MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE

MONTAGUE

Thou villain Capulet,--Hold me not, let me go.

LADY MONTAGUE

Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe.

Enter PRINCE, with Attendants

PRINCE

Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace,
Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel,--
Will they not hear? What, ho! you men, you beasts,
That quench the fire of your pernicious rage
With purple fountains issuing from your veins,
On pain of torture, from those bloody hands
Throw your mistemper'd weapons to the ground,
And hear the sentence of your moved prince.
Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word,
By thee, old Capulet, and Montague,
Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets,
And made Verona's ancient citizens
Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments,
To wield old partisans, in hands as old,
Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate:
If ever you disturb our streets again,
Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.
For this time, all the rest depart away:
You Capulet; shall go along with me:
And, Montague, come you this afternoon,
To know our further pleasure in this case,
To old Free-town, our common judgment-place.
Once more, on pain of death, all men depart.

Exeunt all but MONTAGUE, LADY MONTAGUE, and BENVOLIO

MONTAGUE

Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach?
Speak, nephew, were you by when it began?

BENVOLIO

Here were the servants of your adversary,
And yours, close fighting ere I did approach:
I drew to part them: in the instant came
The fiery Tybalt, with his sword prepared,
Which, as he breathed defiance to my ears,
He swung about his head and cut the winds,
Who nothing hurt withal hiss'd him in scorn:
While we were interchanging thrusts and blows,
Came more and more and fought on part and part,
Till the prince came, who parted either part.

LADY MONTAGUE

O, where is Romeo? saw you him to-day?
Right glad I am he was not at this fray.

BENVOLIO

Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun
Peer'd forth the golden window of the east,
A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad;
Where, underneath the grove of sycamore
That westward rooteth from the city's side,
So early walking did I see your son:
Towards him I made, but he was ware of me
And stole into the covert of the wood:
I, measuring his affections by my own,
That most are busied when they're most alone,
Pursued my humour not pursuing his,
And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me.

MONTAGUE

Many a morning hath he there been seen,
With tears augmenting the fresh morning dew.
Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs;
But all so soon as the all-cheering sun
Should in the furthest east begin to draw
The shady curtains from Aurora's bed,
Away from the light steals home my heavy son,
And private in his chamber pens himself,
Shuts up his windows, locks far daylight out
And makes himself an artificial night:
Black and portentous must this humour prove,
Unless good counsel may the cause remove.

BENVOLIO

My noble uncle, do you know the cause?

MONTAGUE

I neither know it nor can learn of him.

BENVOLIO

Have you importuned him by any means?

MONTAGUE

Both by myself and many other friends:
But he, his own affections' counsellor,
Is to himself--I will not say how true--
But to himself so secret and so close,
So far from sounding and discovery,
As is the bud bit with an envious worm,
Ere he can spread his sweet leaves to the air,
Or dedicate his beauty to the sun.
Could we but learn from whence his sorrows grow.
We would as willingly give cure as know.

Enter ROMEO

BENVOLIO

See, where he comes: so please you, step aside;
I'll know his grievance, or be much denied.

MONTAGUE

I would thou wert so happy by thy stay,
To hear true shrift. Come, madam, let's away.

Exeunt MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE

BENVOLIO

Good-morrow, cousin.

ROMEO

Is the day so young?

BENVOLIO

But new struck nine.

ROMEO

Ay me! sad hours seem long.
Was that my father that went hence so fast?

BENVOLIO

It was. What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?

ROMEO

Not having that, which, having, makes them short.

BENVOLIO

In love?

ROMEO

Out--

BENVOLIO

Of love?

ROMEO

Out of her favour, where I am in love.

BENVOLIO

Alas, that love, so gentle in his view,
Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!

ROMEO

Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still,
Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!
Where shall we dine? O me! What fray was here?
Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all.
Here's much to do with hate, but more with love.
Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate!
O any thing, of nothing first create!
O heavy lightness! serious vanity!
Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire,
sick health!
Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!
This love feel I, that feel no love in this.
Dost thou not laugh?

BENVOLIO

No, coz, I rather weep.

ROMEO

Good heart, at what?

BENVOLIO

At thy good heart's oppression.

ROMEO

Why, such is love's transgression.
Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast,
Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prest
With more of thine: this love that thou hast shown
Doth add more grief to too much of mine own.
Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:
What is it else? a madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet.
Farewell, my coz.

BENVOLIO

Soft! I will go along;
An if you leave me so, you do me wrong.

ROMEO

Tut, I have lost myself; I am not here;
This is not Romeo, he's some other where.

BENVOLIO

Tell me in sadness, who is that you love.

ROMEO

What, shall I groan and tell thee?

BENVOLIO

Groan! why, no.
But sadly tell me who.

ROMEO

Bid a sick man in sadness make his will:
Ah, word ill urged to one that is so ill!
In sadness, cousin, I do love a woman.

BENVOLIO

I aim'd so near, when I supposed you loved.

ROMEO

A right good mark-man! And she's fair I love.

BENVOLIO

A right fair mark, fair coz, is soonest hit.

ROMEO

Well, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hit
With Cupid's arrow; she hath Dian's wit;
And, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd,
From love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd.
She will not stay the siege of loving terms,
Nor bide the encounter of assailing eyes,
Nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold:
O, she is rich in beauty, only poor,
That when she dies with beauty dies her store.

BENVOLIO

Then she hath sworn that she will still live chaste?

ROMEO

She hath, and in that sparing makes huge waste,
For beauty starved with her severity
Cuts beauty off from all posterity.
She is too fair, too wise, wisely too fair,
To merit bliss by making me despair:
She hath forsworn to love, and in that vow
Do I live dead that live to tell it now.

BENVOLIO

Be ruled by me, forget to think of her.

ROMEO

O, teach me how I should forget to think.

BENVOLIO

By giving liberty unto thine eyes;
Examine other beauties.

ROMEO

'Tis the way
To call hers exquisite, in question more:
These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows
Being black put us in mind they hide the fair;
He that is strucken blind cannot forget
The precious treasure of his eyesight lost:
Show me a mistress that is passing fair,
What doth her beauty serve, but as a note
Where I may read who pass'd that passing fair?
Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget.

BENVOLIO

I'll pay that doctrine, or else die in debt.

Exeunt

SCENE II. A street.

Enter CAPULET, PARIS, and Servant

CAPULET

But Montague is bound as well as I,
In penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think,
For men so old as we to keep the peace.

PARIS

Of honourable reckoning are you both;
And pity 'tis you lived at odds so long.
But now, my lord, what say you to my suit?

CAPULET

But saying o'er what I have said before:
My child is yet a stranger in the world;
She hath not seen the change of fourteen years,
Let two more summers wither in their pride,
Ere we may think her ripe to be a bride.

PARIS

Younger than she are happy mothers made.

CAPULET

And too soon marr'd are those so early made.
The earth hath swallow'd all my hopes but she,
She is the hopeful lady of my earth:
But woo her, gentle Paris, get her heart,
My will to her consent is but a part;
An she agree, within her scope of choice
Lies my consent and fair according voice.
This night I hold an old accustom'd feast,
Whereto I have invited many a guest,
Such as I love; and you, among the store,
One more, most welcome, makes my number more.
At my poor house look to behold this night
Earth-treading stars that make dark heaven light:
Such comfort as do lusty young men feel
When well-apparell'd April on the heel
Of limping winter treads, even such delight
Among fresh female buds shall you this night
Inherit at my house; hear all, all see,
And like her most whose merit most shall be:
Which on more view, of many mine being one
May stand in number, though in reckoning none,
Come, go with me.

To Servant, giving a paper
Go, sirrah, trudge about
Through fair Verona; find those persons out
Whose names are written there, and to them say,
My house and welcome on their pleasure stay.

Exeunt CAPULET and PARIS

Servant

Find them out whose names are written here! It is
written, that the shoemaker should meddle with his
yard, and the tailor with his last, the fisher with
his pencil, and the painter with his nets; but I am
sent to find those persons whose names are here
writ, and can never find what names the writing
person hath here writ. I must to the learned.--In good time.

Enter BENVOLIO and ROMEO

BENVOLIO

Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning,
One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish;
Turn giddy, and be holp by backward turning;
One desperate grief cures with another's languish:
Take thou some new infection to thy eye,
And the rank poison of the old will die.

ROMEO

Your plaintain-leaf is excellent for that.

BENVOLIO

For what, I pray thee?

ROMEO

For your broken shin.

BENVOLIO

Why, Romeo, art thou mad?

ROMEO

Not mad, but bound more than a mad-man is;
Shut up in prison, kept without my food,
Whipp'd and tormented and--God-den, good fellow.

Servant

God gi' god-den. I pray, sir, can you read?

ROMEO

Ay, mine own fortune in my misery.

Servant

Perhaps you have learned it without book: but, I
pray, can you read any thing you see?

ROMEO

Ay, if I know the letters and the language.

Servant

Ye say honestly: rest you merry!

ROMEO

Stay, fellow; I can read.

Reads
'Signior Martino and his wife and daughters;
County Anselme and his beauteous sisters; the lady
widow of Vitravio; Signior Placentio and his lovely
nieces; Mercutio and his brother Valentine; mine
uncle Capulet, his wife and daughters; my fair niece
Rosaline; Livia; Signior Valentio and his cousin
Tybalt, Lucio and the lively Helena.' A fair
assembly: whither should they come?

Servant

Up.

ROMEO

Whither?

Servant

To supper; to our house.

ROMEO

Whose house?

Servant

My master's.

ROMEO

Indeed, I should have ask'd you that before.

Servant

Now I'll tell you without asking: my master is the
great rich Capulet; and if you be not of the house
of Montagues, I pray, come and crush a cup of wine.
Rest you merry!

Exit

BENVOLIO

At this same ancient feast of Capulet's
Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lovest,
With all the admired beauties of Verona:
Go thither; and, with unattainted eye,
Compare her face with some that I shall show,
And I will make thee think thy swan a crow.

ROMEO

When the devout religion of mine eye
Maintains such falsehood, then turn tears to fires;
And these, who often drown'd could never die,
Transparent heretics, be burnt for liars!
One fairer than my love! the all-seeing sun
Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun.

BENVOLIO

Tut, you saw her fair, none else being by,
Herself poised with herself in either eye:
But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd
Your lady's love against some other maid
That I will show you shining at this feast,
And she shall scant show well that now shows best.

ROMEO

I'll go along, no such sight to be shown,
But to rejoice in splendor of mine own.

Exeunt

SCENE III. A room in Capulet's house.

Enter LADY CAPULET and Nurse

LADY CAPULET

Nurse, where's my daughter? call her forth to me.

Nurse

Now, by my maidenhead, at twelve year old,
I bade her come. What, lamb! what, ladybird!
God forbid! Where's this girl? What, Juliet!

Enter JULIET

JULIET

How now! who calls?

Nurse

Your mother.

JULIET

Madam, I am here.
What is your will?

LADY CAPULET

This is the matter:--Nurse, give leave awhile,
We must talk in secret:--nurse, come back again;
I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel.
Thou know'st my daughter's of a pretty age.

Nurse

Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour.

LADY CAPULET

She's not fourteen.

Nurse

I'll lay fourteen of my teeth,--
And yet, to my teeth be it spoken, I have but four--
She is not fourteen. How long is it now
To Lammas-tide?

LADY CAPULET

A fortnight and odd days.

Nurse

Even or odd, of all days in the year,
Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen.
Susan and she--God rest all Christian souls!--
Were of an age: well, Susan is with God;
She was too good for me: but, as I said,
On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen;
That shall she, marry; I remember it well.
'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years;
And she was wean'd,--I never shall forget it,--
Of all the days of the year, upon that day:
For I had then laid wormwood to my dug,
Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall;
My lord and you were then at Mantua:--
Nay, I do bear a brain:--but, as I said,
When it did taste the wormwood on the nipple
Of my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool,
To see it tetchy and fall out with the dug!
Shake quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow,
To bid me trudge:
And since that time it is eleven years;
For then she could stand alone; nay, by the rood,
She could have run and waddled all about;
For even the day before, she broke her brow:
And then my husband--God be with his soul!
A' was a merry man--took up the child:
'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face?
Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit;
Wilt thou not, Jule?' and, by my holidame,
The pretty wretch left crying and said 'Ay.'
To see, now, how a jest shall come about!
I warrant, an I should live a thousand years,
I never should forget it: 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he;
And, pretty fool, it stinted and said 'Ay.'

LADY CAPULET

Enough of this; I pray thee, hold thy peace.

Nurse

Yes, madam: yet I cannot choose but laugh,
To think it should leave crying and say 'Ay.'
And yet, I warrant, it had upon its brow
A bump as big as a young cockerel's stone;
A parlous knock; and it cried bitterly:
'Yea,' quoth my husband,'fall'st upon thy face?
Thou wilt fall backward when thou comest to age;
Wilt thou not, Jule?' it stinted and said 'Ay.'

JULIET

And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I.

Nurse

Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace!
Thou wast the prettiest babe that e'er I nursed:
An I might live to see thee married once,
I have my wish.

LADY CAPULET

Marry, that 'marry' is the very theme
I came to talk of. Tell me, daughter Juliet,
How stands your disposition to be married?

JULIET

It is an honour that I dream not of.

Nurse

An honour! were not I thine only nurse,
I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat.

LADY CAPULET

Well, think of marriage now; younger than you,
Here in Verona, ladies of esteem,
Are made already mothers: by my count,
I was your mother much upon these years
That you are now a maid. Thus then in brief:
The valiant Paris seeks you for his love.

Nurse

A man, young lady! lady, such a man
As all the world--why, he's a man of wax.

LADY CAPULET

Verona's summer hath not such a flower.

Nurse

Nay, he's a flower; in faith, a very flower.

LADY CAPULET

What say you? can you love the gentleman?
This night you shall behold him at our feast;
Read o'er the volume of young Paris' face,
And find delight writ there with beauty's pen;
Examine every married lineament,
And see how one another lends content
And what obscured in this fair volume lies
Find written in the margent of his eyes.
This precious book of love, this unbound lover,
To beautify him, only lacks a cover:
The fish lives in the sea, and 'tis much pride
For fair without the fair within to hide:
That book in many's eyes doth share the glory,
That in gold clasps locks in the golden story;
So shall you share all that he doth possess,
By having him, making yourself no less.

Nurse

No less! nay, bigger; women grow by men.

LADY CAPULET

Speak briefly, can you like of Paris' love?

JULIET

I'll look to like, if looking liking move:
But no more deep will I endart mine eye
Than your consent gives strength to make it fly.

Enter a Servant

Servant

Madam, the guests are come, supper served up, you
called, my young lady asked for, the nurse cursed in
the pantry, and every thing in extremity. I must
hence to wait; I beseech you, follow straight.

LADY CAPULET

We follow thee.

Exit Servant
Juliet, the county stays.

Nurse

Go, girl, seek happy nights to happy days.

Exeunt

SCENE IV. A street.

Enter ROMEO, MERCUTIO, BENVOLIO, with five or six Maskers, Torch-bearers, and others

ROMEO

What, shall this speech be spoke for our excuse?
Or shall we on without a apology?

BENVOLIO

The date is out of such prolixity:
We'll have no Cupid hoodwink'd with a scarf,
Bearing a Tartar's painted bow of lath,
Scaring the ladies like a crow-keeper;
Nor no without-book prologue, faintly spoke
After the prompter, for our entrance:
But let them measure us by what they will;
We'll measure them a measure, and be gone.

ROMEO

Give me a torch: I am not for this ambling;
Being but heavy, I will bear the light.

MERCUTIO

Nay, gentle Romeo, we must have you dance.

ROMEO

Not I, believe me: you have dancing shoes
With nimble soles: I have a soul of lead
So stakes me to the ground I cannot move.

MERCUTIO

You are a lover; borrow Cupid's wings,
And soar with them above a common bound.

ROMEO

I am too sore enpierced with his shaft
To soar with his light feathers, and so bound,
I cannot bound a pitch above dull woe:
Under love's heavy burden do I sink.

MERCUTIO

And, to sink in it, should you burden love;
Too great oppression for a tender thing.

ROMEO

Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,
Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.

MERCUTIO

If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.
Give me a case to put my visage in:
A visor for a visor! what care I
What curious eye doth quote deformities?
Here are the beetle brows shall blush for me.

BENVOLIO

Come, knock and enter; and no sooner in,
But every man betake him to his legs.

ROMEO

A torch for me: let wantons light of heart
Tickle the senseless rushes with their heels,
For I am proverb'd with a grandsire phrase;
I'll be a candle-holder, and look on.
The game was ne'er so fair, and I am done.

MERCUTIO

Tut, dun's the mouse, the constable's own word:
If thou art dun, we'll draw thee from the mire
Of this sir-reverence love, wherein thou stick'st
Up to the ears. Come, we burn daylight, ho!

ROMEO

Nay, that's not so.

MERCUTIO

I mean, sir, in delay
We waste our lights in vain, like lamps by day.
Take our good meaning, for our judgment sits
Five times in that ere once in our five wits.

ROMEO

And we mean well in going to this mask;
But 'tis no wit to go.

MERCUTIO

Why, may one ask?

ROMEO

I dream'd a dream to-night.

MERCUTIO

And so did I.

ROMEO

Well, what was yours?

MERCUTIO

That dreamers often lie.

ROMEO

In bed asleep, while they do dream things true.

MERCUTIO

O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you.
She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes
In shape no bigger than an agate-stone
On the fore-finger of an alderman,
Drawn with a team of little atomies
Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep;
Her wagon-spokes made of long spiders' legs,
The cover of the wings of grasshoppers,
The traces of the smallest spider's web,
The collars of the moonshine's watery beams,
Her whip of cricket's bone, the lash of film,
Her wagoner a small grey-coated gnat,
Not so big as a round little worm
Prick'd from the lazy finger of a maid;
Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut
Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,
Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.
And in this state she gallops night by night
Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;
O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on court'sies straight,
O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees,
O'er ladies ' lips, who straight on kisses dream,
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,
Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are:
Sometime she gallops o'er a courtier's nose,
And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;
And sometime comes she with a tithe-pig's tail
Tickling a parson's nose as a' lies asleep,
Then dreams, he of another benefice:
Sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,
And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats,
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,
Of healths five-fathom deep; and then anon
Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes,
And being thus frighted swears a prayer or two
And sleeps again. This is that very Mab
That plats the manes of horses in the night,
And bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs,
Which once untangled, much misfortune bodes:
This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs,
That presses them and learns them first to bear,
Making them women of good carriage:
This is she--

ROMEO

Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace!
Thou talk'st of nothing.

MERCUTIO

True, I talk of dreams,
Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy,
Which is as thin of substance as the air
And more inconstant than the wind, who wooes
Even now the frozen bosom of the north,
And, being anger'd, puffs away from thence,
Turning his face to the dew-dropping south.

BENVOLIO

This wind, you talk of, blows us from ourselves;
Supper is done, and we shall come too late.

ROMEO

I fear, too early: for my mind misgives
Some consequence yet hanging in the stars
Shall bitterly begin his fearful date
With this night's revels and expire the term
Of a despised life closed in my breast
By some vile forfeit of untimely death.
But He, that hath the steerage of my course,
Direct my sail! On, lusty gentlemen.

BENVOLIO

Strike, drum.

Exeunt

SCENE V. A hall in Capulet's house.

Musicians waiting. Enter Servingmen with napkins

First Servant

Where's Potpan, that he helps not to take away? He
shift a trencher? he scrape a trencher!

Second Servant

When good manners shall lie all in one or two men's
hands and they unwashed too, 'tis a foul thing.

First Servant

Away with the joint-stools, remove the
court-cupboard, look to the plate. Good thou, save
me a piece of marchpane; and, as thou lovest me, let
the porter let in Susan Grindstone and Nell.
Antony, and Potpan!

Second Servant

Ay, boy, ready.

First Servant

You are looked for and called for, asked for and
sought for, in the great chamber.

Second Servant

We cannot be here and there too. Cheerly, boys; be
brisk awhile, and the longer liver take all.

Enter CAPULET, with JULIET and others of his house, meeting the Guests and Maskers

CAPULET

Welcome, gentlemen! ladies that have their toes
Unplagued with corns will have a bout with you.
Ah ha, my mistresses! which of you all
Will now deny to dance? she that makes dainty,
She, I'll swear, hath corns; am I come near ye now?
Welcome, gentlemen! I have seen the day
That I have worn a visor and could tell
A whispering tale in a fair lady's ear,
Such as would please: 'tis gone, 'tis gone, 'tis gone:
You are welcome, gentlemen! come, musicians, play.
A hall, a hall! give room! and foot it, girls.

Music plays, and they dance
More light, you knaves; and turn the tables up,
And quench the fire, the room is grown too hot.
Ah, sirrah, this unlook'd-for sport comes well.
Nay, sit, nay, sit, good cousin Capulet;
For you and I are past our dancing days:
How long is't now since last yourself and I
Were in a mask?

Second Capulet

By'r lady, thirty years.

CAPULET

What, man! 'tis not so much, 'tis not so much:
'Tis since the nuptials of Lucentio,
Come pentecost as quickly as it will,
Some five and twenty years; and then we mask'd.

Second Capulet

'Tis more, 'tis more, his son is elder, sir;
His son is thirty.

CAPULET

Will you tell me that?
His son was but a ward two years ago.

ROMEO

[To a Servingman] What lady is that, which doth
enrich the hand
Of yonder knight?

Servant

I know not, sir.

ROMEO

O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows,
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,
And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

TYBALT

This, by his voice, should be a Montague.
Fetch me my rapier, boy. What dares the slave
Come hither, cover'd with an antic face,
To fleer and scorn at our solemnity?
Now, by the stock and honour of my kin,
To strike him dead, I hold it not a sin.

CAPULET

Why, how now, kinsman! wherefore storm you so?

TYBALT

Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe,
A villain that is hither come in spite,
To scorn at our solemnity this night.

CAPULET

Young Romeo is it?

TYBALT

'Tis he, that villain Romeo.

CAPULET

Content thee, gentle coz, let him alone;
He bears him like a portly gentleman;
And, to say truth, Verona brags of him
To be a virtuous and well-govern'd youth:
I would not for the wealth of all the town
Here in my house do him disparagement:
Therefore be patient, take no note of him:
It is my will, the which if thou respect,
Show a fair presence and put off these frowns,
And ill-beseeming semblance for a feast.

TYBALT

It fits, when such a villain is a guest:
I'll not endure him.

CAPULET

He shall be endured:
What, goodman boy! I say, he shall: go to;
Am I the master here, or you? go to.
You'll not endure him! God shall mend my soul!
You'll make a mutiny among my guests!
You will set cock-a-hoop! you'll be the man!

TYBALT

Why, uncle, 'tis a shame.

CAPULET

Go to, go to;
You are a saucy boy: is't so, indeed?
This trick may chance to scathe you, I know what:
You must contrary me! marry, 'tis time.
Well said, my hearts! You are a princox; go:
Be quiet, or--More light, more light! For shame!
I'll make you quiet. What, cheerly, my hearts!

TYBALT

Patience perforce with wilful choler meeting
Makes my flesh tremble in their different greeting.
I will withdraw: but this intrusion shall
Now seeming sweet convert to bitter gall.

Exit

ROMEO

[To JULIET] If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

JULIET

Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

ROMEO

Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

JULIET

Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

ROMEO

O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

JULIET

Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

ROMEO

Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.

JULIET

Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

ROMEO

Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again.

JULIET

You kiss by the book.

Nurse

Madam, your mother craves a word with you.

ROMEO

What is her mother?

Nurse

Marry, bachelor,
Her mother is the lady of the house,
And a good lady, and a wise and virtuous
I nursed her daughter, that you talk'd withal;
I tell you, he that can lay hold of her
Shall have the chinks.

ROMEO

Is she a Capulet?
O dear account! my life is my foe's debt.

BENVOLIO

Away, begone; the sport is at the best.

ROMEO

Ay, so I fear; the more is my unrest.

CAPULET

Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone;
We have a trifling foolish banquet towards.
Is it e'en so? why, then, I thank you all
I thank you, honest gentlemen; good night.
More torches here! Come on then, let's to bed.
Ah, sirrah, by my fay, it waxes late:
I'll to my rest.

Exeunt all but JULIET and Nurse

JULIET

Come hither, nurse. What is yond gentleman?

Nurse

The son and heir of old Tiberio.

JULIET

What's he that now is going out of door?

Nurse

Marry, that, I think, be young Petrucio.

JULIET

What's he that follows there, that would not dance?

Nurse

I know not.

JULIET

Go ask his name: if he be married.
My grave is like to be my wedding bed.

Nurse

His name is Romeo, and a Montague;
The only son of your great enemy.

JULIET

My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathed enemy.

Nurse

What's this? what's this?

JULIET

A rhyme I learn'd even now
Of one I danced withal.

One calls within 'Juliet.'

Nurse

Anon, anon!
Come, let's away; the strangers all are gone.

Exeunt

ACT II
PROLOGUE

Enter Chorus

Chorus

Now old desire doth in his death-bed lie,
And young affection gapes to be his heir;
That fair for which love groan'd for and would die,
With tender Juliet match'd, is now not fair.
Now Romeo is beloved and loves again,
Alike betwitched by the charm of looks,
But to his foe supposed he must complain,
And she steal love's sweet bait from fearful hooks:
Being held a foe, he may not have access
To breathe such vows as lovers use to swear;
And she as much in love, her means much less
To meet her new-beloved any where:
But passion lends them power, time means, to meet
Tempering extremities with extreme sweet.

Exit

SCENE I. A lane by the wall of Capulet's orchard.

Enter ROMEO

ROMEO

Can I go forward when my heart is here?
Turn back, dull earth, and find thy centre out.

He climbs the wall, and leaps down within it

Enter BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO

BENVOLIO

Romeo! my cousin Romeo!

MERCUTIO

He is wise;
And, on my lie, hath stol'n him home to bed.

BENVOLIO

He ran this way, and leap'd this orchard wall:
Call, good Mercutio.

MERCUTIO

Nay, I'll conjure too.
Romeo! humours! madman! passion! lover!
Appear thou in the likeness of a sigh:
Speak but one rhyme, and I am satisfied;
Cry but 'Ay me!' pronounce but 'love' and 'dove;'
Speak to my gossip Venus one fair word,
One nick-name for her purblind son and heir,
Young Adam Cupid, he that shot so trim,
When King Cophetua loved the beggar-maid!
He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not;
The ape is dead, and I must conjure him.
I conjure thee by Rosaline's bright eyes,
By her high forehead and her scarlet lip,
By her fine foot, straight leg and quivering thigh
And the demesnes that there adjacent lie,
That in thy likeness thou appear to us!

BENVOLIO

And if he hear thee, thou wilt anger him.

MERCUTIO

This cannot anger him: 'twould anger him
To raise a spirit in his mistress' circle
Of some strange nature, letting it there stand
Till she had laid it and conjured it down;
That were some spite: my invocation
Is fair and honest, and in his mistres s' name
I conjure only but to raise up him.

BENVOLIO

Come, he hath hid himself among these trees,
To be consorted with the humorous night:
Blind is his love and best befits the dark.

MERCUTIO

If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark.
Now will he sit under a medlar tree,
And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit
As maids call medlars, when they laugh alone.
Romeo, that she were, O, that she were
An open et caetera, thou a poperin pear!
Romeo, good night: I'll to my truckle-bed;
This field-bed is too cold for me to sleep:
Come, shall we go?

BENVOLIO

Go, then; for 'tis in vain
To seek him here that means not to be found.

Exeunt

SCENE II. Capulet's orchard.

Enter ROMEO

ROMEO

He jests at scars that never felt a wound.

JULIET appears above at a window
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

JULIET

Ay me!

ROMEO

She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head
As is a winged messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

JULIET

O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

ROMEO

[Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?

JULIET

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

ROMEO

I take thee at thy word:
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.

JULIET

What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night
So stumblest on my counsel?

ROMEO

By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am:
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,
Because it is an enemy to thee;
Had I it written, I would tear the word.

JULIET

My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:
Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?

ROMEO

Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike.

JULIET

How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.

ROMEO

With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls;
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
And what love can do that dares love attempt;
Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me.

JULIET

If they do see thee, they will murder thee.

ROMEO

Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye
Than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet,
And I am proof against their enmity.

JULIET

I would not for the world they saw thee here.

ROMEO

I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight;
And but thou love me, let them find me here:
My life were better ended by their hate,
Than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.

JULIET

By whose direction found'st thou out this place?

ROMEO

By love, who first did prompt me to inquire;
He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes.
I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far
As that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea,
I would adventure for such merchandise.

JULIET

Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face,
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek
For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night
Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny
What I have spoke: but farewell compliment!
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay,'
And I will take thy word: yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries
Then say, Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo,
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully:
Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won,
I'll frown and be perverse an say thee nay,
So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.
In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond,
And therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light:
But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true
Than those that have more cunning to be strange.
I should have been more strange, I must confess,
But that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware,
My true love's passion: therefore pardon me,
And not impute this yielding to light love,
Which the dark night hath so discovered.

ROMEO

Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear
That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops--

JULIET

O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circled orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

ROMEO

What shall I swear by?

JULIET

Do not swear at all;
Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self,
Which is the god of my idolatry,
And I'll believe thee.

ROMEO

If my heart's dear love--

JULIET

Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee,
I have no joy of this contract to-night:
It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden;
Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be
Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night!
This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.
Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest
Come to thy heart as that within my breast!

ROMEO

O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

JULIET

What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?

ROMEO

The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.

JULIET

I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:
And yet I would it were to give again.

ROMEO

Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love?

JULIET

But to be frank, and give it thee again.
And yet I wish but for the thing I have:
My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.

Nurse calls within
I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!
Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.
Stay but a little, I will come again.

Exit, above

ROMEO

O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.
Being in night, all this is but a dream,
Too flattering-sweet to be substantial.

Re-enter JULIET, above

JULIET

Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed.
If that thy bent of love be honourable,
Thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow,
By one that I'll procure to come to thee,
Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;
And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay
And follow thee my lord throughout the world.

Nurse

[Within] Madam!

JULIET

I come, anon.--But if thou mean'st not well,
I do beseech thee--

Nurse

[Within] Madam!

JULIET

By and by, I come:--
To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief:
To-morrow will I send.

ROMEO

So thrive my soul--

JULIET

A thousand times good night!

Exit, above

ROMEO

A thousand times the worse, to want thy light.
Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from
their books,
But love from love, toward school with heavy looks.

Retiring

Re-enter JULIET, above

JULIET

Hist! Romeo, hist! O, for a falconer's voice,
To lure this tassel-gentle back again!
Bondage is hoarse, and may not speak aloud;
Else would I tear the cave where Echo lies,
And make her airy tongue more hoarse than mine,
With repetition of my Romeo's name.

ROMEO

It is my soul that calls upon my name:
How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night,
Like softest music to attending ears!

JULIET

Romeo!

ROMEO

My dear?

JULIET

At what o'clock to-morrow
Shall I send to thee?

ROMEO

At the hour of nine.

JULIET

I will not fail: 'tis twenty years till then.
I have forgot why I did call thee back.

ROMEO

Let me stand here till thou remember it.

JULIET

I shall forget, to have thee still stand there,
Remembering how I love thy company.

ROMEO

And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget,
Forgetting any other home but this.

JULIET

'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone:
And yet no further than a wanton's bird;
Who lets it hop a little from her hand,
Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves,
And with a silk thread plucks it back again,
So loving-jealous of his liberty.

ROMEO

I would I were thy bird.

JULIET

Sweet, so would I:
Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.
Good night, good night! parting is such
sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

Exit above

ROMEO

Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast!
Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!
Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell,
His help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.

Exit

SCENE III. Friar Laurence's cell.

Enter FRIAR LAURENCE, with a basket

FRIAR LAURENCE

The grey-eyed morn smiles on the frowning night,
Chequering the eastern clouds with streaks of light,
And flecked darkness like a drunkard reels
From forth day's path and Titan's fiery wheels:
Now, ere the sun advance his burning eye,
The day to cheer and night's dank dew to dry,
I must up-fill this osier cage of ours
With baleful weeds and precious-juiced flowers.
The earth that's nature's mother is her tomb;
What is her burying grave that is her womb,
And from her womb children of divers kind
We sucking on her natural bosom find,
Many for many virtues excellent,
None but for some and yet all different.
O, mickle is the powerful grace that lies
In herbs, plants, stones, and their true qualities:
For nought so vile that on the earth doth live
But to the earth some special good doth give,
Nor aught so good but strain'd from that fair use
Revolts from true birth, stumbling on abuse:
Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied;
And vice sometimes by action dignified.
Within the infant rind of this small flower
Poison hath residence and medicine power:
For this, being smelt, with that part cheers each part;
Being tasted, slays all senses with the heart.
Two such opposed kings encamp them still
In man as well as herbs, grace and rude will;
And where the worser is predominant,
Full soon the canker death eats up that plant.

Enter ROMEO

ROMEO

Good morrow, father.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Benedicite!
What early tongue so sweet saluteth me?
Young son, it argues a distemper'd head
So soon to bid good morrow to thy bed:
Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye,
And where care lodges, sleep will never lie;
But where unbruised youth with unstuff'd brain
Doth couch his limbs, there golden sleep doth reign:
Therefore thy earliness doth me assure
Thou art up-roused by some distemperature;
Or if not so, then here I hit it right,
Our Romeo hath not been in bed to-night.

ROMEO

That last is true; the sweeter rest was mine.

FRIAR LAURENCE

God pardon sin! wast thou with Rosaline?

ROMEO

With Rosaline, my ghostly father? no;
I have forgot that name, and that name's woe.

FRIAR LAURENCE

That's my good son: but where hast thou been, then?

ROMEO

I'll tell thee, ere thou ask it me again.
I have been feasting with mine enemy,
Where on a sudden one hath wounded me,
That's by me wounded: both our remedies
Within thy help and holy physic lies:
I bear no hatred, blessed man, for, lo,
My intercession likewise steads my foe.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Be plain, good son, and homely in thy drift;
Riddling confession finds but riddling shrift.

ROMEO

Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set
On the fair daughter of rich Capulet:
As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine;
And all combined, save what thou must combine
By holy marriage: when and where and how
We met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow,
I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray,
That thou consent to marry us to-day.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Holy Saint Francis, what a change is here!
Is Rosaline, whom thou didst love so dear,
So soon forsaken? young men's love then lies
Not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.
Jesu Maria, what a deal of brine
Hath wash'd thy sallow cheeks for Rosaline!
How much salt water thrown away in waste,
To season love, that of it doth not taste!
The sun not yet thy sighs from heaven clears,
Thy old groans ring yet in my ancient ears;
Lo, here upon thy cheek the stain doth sit
Of an old tear that is not wash'd off yet:
If e'er thou wast thyself and these woes thine,
Thou and these woes were all for Rosaline:
And art thou changed? pronounce this sentence then,
Women may fall, when there's no strength in men.

ROMEO

Thou chid'st me oft for loving Rosaline.

FRIAR LAURENCE

For doting, not for loving, pupil mine.

ROMEO

And bad'st me bury love.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Not in a grave,
To lay one in, another out to have.

ROMEO

I pray thee, chide not; she whom I love now
Doth grace for grace and love for love allow;
The other did not so.

FRIAR LAURENCE

O, she knew well
Thy love did read by rote and could not spell.
But come, young waverer, come, go with me,
In one respect I'll thy assistant be;
For this alliance may so happy prove,
To turn your households' rancour to pure love.

ROMEO

O, let us hence; I stand on sudden haste.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast.

Exeunt

SCENE IV. A street.

Enter BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO

MERCUTIO

Where the devil should this Romeo be?
Came he not home to-night?

BENVOLIO

Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.

MERCUTIO

Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline.
Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.

BENVOLIO

Tybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet,
Hath sent a letter to his father's house.

MERCUTIO

A challenge, on my life.

BENVOLIO

Romeo will answer it.

MERCUTIO

Any man that can write may answer a letter.

BENVOLIO

Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he
dares, being dared.

MERCUTIO

Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a
white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a
love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the
blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to
encounter Tybalt?

BENVOLIO

Why, what is Tybalt?

MERCUTIO

More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is
the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as
you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and
proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and
the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk
button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the
very first house, of the first and second cause:
ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the
hai!

BENVOLIO

The what?

MERCUTIO

The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting
fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu,
a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good
whore!' Why, is not this a lamentable thing,
grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with
these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these
perdona-mi's, who stand so much on the new form,
that they cannot at ease on the old bench? O, their
bones, their bones!

Enter ROMEO

BENVOLIO

Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.

MERCUTIO

Without his roe, like a dried herring: flesh, flesh,
how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers
that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a
kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to
be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy;
Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey
eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior
Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation
to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit
fairly last night.

ROMEO

Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

MERCUTIO

The ship, sir, the slip; can you not conceive?

ROMEO

Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in
such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.

MERCUTIO

That's as much as to say, such a case as yours
constrains a man to bow in the hams.

ROMEO

Meaning, to court'sy.

MERCUTIO

Thou hast most kindly hit it.

ROMEO

A most courteous exposition.

MERCUTIO

Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.

ROMEO

Pink for flower.

MERCUTIO

Right.

ROMEO

Why, then is my pump well flowered.

MERCUTIO

Well said: follow me this jest now till thou hast
worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it
is worn, the jest may remain after the wearing sole singular.

ROMEO

O single-soled jest, solely singular for the
singleness.

MERCUTIO

Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint.

ROMEO

Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll cry a match.

MERCUTIO

Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have
done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of
thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five:
was I with you there for the goose?

ROMEO

Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast
not there for the goose.

MERCUTIO

I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.

ROMEO

Nay, good goose, bite not.

MERCUTIO

Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most
sharp sauce.

ROMEO

And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?

MERCUTIO

O here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an
inch narrow to an ell broad!

ROMEO

I stretch it out for that word 'broad;' which added
to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.

MERCUTIO

Why, is not this better now than groaning for love?
now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art
thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature:
for this drivelling love is like a great natural,
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.

BENVOLIO

Stop there, stop there.

MERCUTIO

Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.

BENVOLIO

Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.

MERCUTIO

O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short:
for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and
meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.

ROMEO

Here's goodly gear!

Enter Nurse and PETER

MERCUTIO

A sail, a sail!

BENVOLIO

Two, two; a shirt and a smock.

Nurse

Peter!

PETER

Anon!

Nurse

My fan, Peter.

MERCUTIO

Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's the
fairer face.

Nurse

God ye good morrow, gentlemen.

MERCUTIO

God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.

Nurse

Is it good den?

MERCUTIO

'Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the
dial is now upon the prick of noon.

Nurse

Out upon you! what a man are you!

ROMEO

One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to
mar.

Nurse

By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself to mar,'
quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I
may find the young Romeo?

ROMEO

I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when
you have found him than he was when you sought him:
I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.

Nurse

You say well.

MERCUTIO

Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith;
wisely, wisely.

Nurse

if you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with
you.

BENVOLIO

She will indite him to some supper.

MERCUTIO

A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho!

ROMEO

What hast thou found?

MERCUTIO

No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie,
that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent.

Sings
An old hare hoar,
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in lent
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score,
When it hoars ere it be spent.
Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll
to dinner, thither.

ROMEO

I will follow you.

MERCUTIO

Farewell, ancient lady; farewell,

Singing
'lady, lady, lady.'

Exeunt MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO

Nurse

Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy
merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?

ROMEO

A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk,
and will speak more in a minute than he will stand
to in a month.

Nurse

An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take him
down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such
Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall.
Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am
none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by
too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure?

PETER

I saw no man use you a pleasure; if I had, my weapon
should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare
draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a
good quarrel, and the law on my side.

Nurse

Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about
me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word:
and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you
out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself:
but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into
a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross
kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman
is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double
with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered
to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.

ROMEO

Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I
protest unto thee--

Nurse

Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much:
Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.

ROMEO

What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.

Nurse

I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as
I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.

ROMEO

Bid her devise
Some means to come to shrift this afternoon;
And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell
Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains.

Nurse

No truly sir; not a penny.

ROMEO

Go to; I say you shall.

Nurse

This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.

ROMEO

And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall:
Within this hour my man shall be with thee
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;
Which to the high top-gallant of my joy
Must be my convoy in the secret night.
Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains:
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.

Nurse

Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.

ROMEO

What say'st thou, my dear nurse?

Nurse

Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?

ROMEO

I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.

NURSE

Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady--Lord,
Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing:--O, there
is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain
lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief
see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her
sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer
man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks
as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not
rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?

ROMEO

Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.

Nurse

Ah. mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for
the--No; I know it begins with some other
letter:--and she hath the prettiest sententious of
it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good
to hear it.

ROMEO

Commend me to thy lady.

Nurse

Ay, a thousand times.

Exit Romeo
Peter!

PETER

Anon!

Nurse

Peter, take my fan, and go before and apace.

Exeunt

SCENE V. Capulet's orchard.

Enter JULIET

JULIET

The clock struck nine when I did send the nurse;
In half an hour she promised to return.
Perchance she cannot meet him: that's not so.
O, she is lame! love's heralds should be thoughts,
Which ten times faster glide than the sun's beams,
Driving back shadows over louring hills:
Therefore do nimble-pinion'd doves draw love,
And therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid wings.
Now is the sun upon the highmost hill
Of this day's journey, and from nine till twelve
Is three long hours, yet she is not come.
Had she affections and warm youthful blood,
She would be as swift in motion as a ball;
My words would bandy her to my sweet love,
And his to me:
But old folks, many feign as they were dead;
Unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead.
O God, she comes!

Enter Nurse and PETER
O honey nurse, what news?
Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away.

Nurse

Peter, stay at the gate.

Exit PETER

JULIET

Now, good sweet nurse,--O Lord, why look'st thou sad?
Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily;
If good, thou shamest the music of sweet news
By playing it to me with so sour a face.

Nurse

I am a-weary, give me leave awhile:
Fie, how my bones ache! what a jaunt have I had!

JULIET

I would thou hadst my bones, and I thy news:
Nay, come, I pray thee, speak; good, good nurse, speak.

Nurse

Jesu, what haste? can you not stay awhile?
Do you not see that I am out of breath?

JULIET

How art thou out of breath, when thou hast breath
To say to me that thou art out of breath?
The excuse that thou dost make in this delay
Is longer than the tale thou dost excuse.
Is thy news good, or bad? answer to that;
Say either, and I'll stay the circumstance:
Let me be satisfied, is't good or bad?

Nurse

Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not
how to choose a man: Romeo! no, not he; though his
face be better than any man's, yet his leg excels
all men's; and for a hand, and a foot, and a body,
though they be not to be talked on, yet they are
past compare: he is not the flower of courtesy,
but, I'll warrant him, as gentle as a lamb. Go thy
ways, wench; serve God. What, have you dined at home?

JULIET

No, no: but all this did I know before.
What says he of our marriage? what of that?

Nurse

Lord, how my head aches! what a head have I!
It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces.
My back o' t' other side,--O, my back, my back!
Beshrew your heart for sending me about,
To catch my death with jaunting up and down!

JULIET

I' faith, I am sorry that thou art not well.
Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse, tell me, what says my love?

Nurse

Your love says, like an honest gentleman, and a
courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, and, I
warrant, a virtuous,--Where is your mother?

JULIET

Where is my mother! why, she is within;
Where should she be? How oddly thou repliest!
'Your love says, like an honest gentleman,
Where is your mother?'

Nurse

O God's lady dear!
Are you so hot? marry, come up, I trow;
Is this the poultice for my aching bones?
Henceforward do your messages yourself.

JULIET

Here's such a coil! come, what says Romeo?

Nurse

Have you got leave to go to shrift to-day?

JULIET

I have.

Nurse

Then hie you hence to Friar Laurence' cell;
There stays a husband to make you a wife:
Now comes the wanton blood up in your cheeks,
They'll be in scarlet straight at any news.
Hie you to church; I must another way,
To fetch a ladder, by the which your love
Must climb a bird's nest soon when it is dark:
I am the drudge and toil in your delight,
But you shall bear the burden soon at night.
Go; I'll to dinner: hie you to the cell.

JULIET

Hie to high fortune! Honest nurse, farewell.

Exeunt

SCENE VI. Friar Laurence's cell.

Enter FRIAR LAURENCE and ROMEO

FRIAR LAURENCE

So smile the heavens upon this holy act,
That after hours with sorrow chide us not!

ROMEO

Amen, amen! but come what sorrow can,
It cannot countervail the exchange of joy
That one short minute gives me in her sight:
Do thou but close our hands with holy words,
Then love-devouring death do what he dare;
It is enough I may but call her mine.

FRIAR LAURENCE

These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite:
Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.

Enter JULIET
Here comes the lady: O, so light a foot
Will ne'er wear out the everlasting flint:
A lover may bestride the gossamer
That idles in the wanton summer air,
And yet not fall; so light is vanity.

JULIET

Good even to my ghostly confessor.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Romeo shall thank thee, daughter, for us both.

JULIET

As much to him, else is his thanks too much.

ROMEO

Ah, Juliet, if the measure of thy joy
Be heap'd like mine and that thy skill be more
To blazon it, then sweeten with thy breath
This neighbour air, and let rich music's tongue
Unfold the imagined happiness that both
Receive in either by this dear encounter.

JULIET

Conceit, more rich in matter than in words,
Brags of his substance, not of ornament:
They are but beggars that can count their worth;
But my true love is grown to such excess
I cannot sum up sum of half my wealth.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Come, come with me, and we will make short work;
For, by your leaves, you shall not stay alone
Till holy church incorporate two in one.

Exeunt

ACT III
SCENE I. A public place.

Enter MERCUTIO, BENVOLIO, Page, and Servants

BENVOLIO

I pray thee, good Mercutio, let's retire:
The day is hot, the Capulets abroad,
And, if we meet, we shall not scape a brawl;
For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.

MERCUTIO

Thou art like one of those fellows that when he
enters the confines of a tavern claps me his sword
upon the table and says 'God send me no need of
thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws
it on the drawer, when indeed there is no need.

BENVOLIO

Am I like such a fellow?

MERCUTIO

Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as
any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody, and as
soon moody to be moved.

BENVOLIO

And what to?

MERCUTIO

Nay, an there were two such, we should have none
shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou! why,
thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more,
or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast: thou
wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no
other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes: what
eye but such an eye would spy out such a quarrel?
Thy head is as fun of quarrels as an egg is full of
meat, and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as
an egg for quarrelling: thou hast quarrelled with a
man for coughing in the street, because he hath
wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun:
didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing
his new doublet before Easter? with another, for
tying his new shoes with old riband? and yet thou
wilt tutor me from quarrelling!

BENVOLIO

An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man
should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.

MERCUTIO

The fee-simple! O simple!

BENVOLIO

By my head, here come the Capulets.

MERCUTIO

By my heel, I care not.

Enter TYBALT and others

TYBALT

Follow me close, for I will speak to them.
Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.

MERCUTIO

And but one word with one of us? couple it with
something; make it a word and a blow.

TYBALT

You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you
will give me occasion.

MERCUTIO

Could you not take some occasion without giving?

TYBALT

Mercutio, thou consort'st with Romeo,--

MERCUTIO

Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? an
thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but
discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall
make you dance. 'Zounds, consort!

BENVOLIO

We talk here in the public haunt of men:
Either withdraw unto some private place,
And reason coldly of your grievances,
Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.

MERCUTIO

Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze;
I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I.

Enter ROMEO

TYBALT

Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.

MERCUTIO

But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery:
Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower;
Your worship in that sense may call him 'man.'

TYBALT

Romeo, the hate I bear thee can afford
No better term than this,--thou art a villain.

ROMEO

Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee
Doth much excuse the appertaining rage
To such a greeting: villain am I none;
Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.

TYBALT

Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries
That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.

ROMEO

I do protest, I never injured thee,
But love thee better than thou canst devise,
Till thou shalt know the reason of my love:
And so, good Capulet,--which name I tender
As dearly as my own,--be satisfied.

MERCUTIO

O calm, dishonourable, vile submission!
Alla stoccata carries it away.

Draws
Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?

TYBALT

What wouldst thou have with me?

MERCUTIO

Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine
lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you
shall use me hereafter, drybeat the rest of the
eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher
by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your
ears ere it be out.

TYBALT

I am for you.

Drawing

ROMEO

Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up.

MERCUTIO

Come, sir, your passado.

They fight

ROMEO

Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons.
Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage!
Tybalt, Mercutio, the prince expressly hath
Forbidden bandying in Verona streets:
Hold, Tybalt! good Mercutio!

TYBALT under ROMEO's arm stabs MERCUTIO, and flies with his followers

MERCUTIO

I am hurt.
A plague o' both your houses! I am sped.
Is he gone, and hath nothing?

BENVOLIO

What, art thou hurt?

MERCUTIO

Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough.
Where is my page? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon.

Exit Page

ROMEO

Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.

MERCUTIO

No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a
church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for
me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I
am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o'
both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a
cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a
rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of
arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I
was hurt under your arm.

ROMEO

I thought all for the best.

MERCUTIO

Help me into some house, Benvolio,
Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses!
They have made worms' meat of me: I have it,
And soundly too: your houses!

Exeunt MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO

ROMEO

This gentleman, the prince's near ally,
My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt
In my behalf; my reputation stain'd
With Tybalt's slander,--Tybalt, that an hour
Hath been my kinsman! O sweet Juliet,
Thy beauty hath made me effeminate
And in my temper soften'd valour's steel!

Re-enter BENVOLIO

BENVOLIO

O Romeo, Romeo, brave Mercutio's dead!
That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds,
Which too untimely here did scorn the earth.

ROMEO

This day's black fate on more days doth depend;
This but begins the woe, others must end.

BENVOLIO

Here comes the furious Tybalt back again.

ROMEO

Alive, in triumph! and Mercutio slain!
Away to heaven, respective lenity,
And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now!

Re-enter TYBALT
Now, Tybalt, take the villain back again,
That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio's soul
Is but a little way above our heads,
Staying for thine to keep him company:
Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him.

TYBALT

Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here,
Shalt with him hence.

ROMEO

This shall determine that.

They fight; TYBALT falls

BENVOLIO

Romeo, away, be gone!
The citizens are up, and Tybalt slain.
Stand not amazed: the prince will doom thee death,
If thou art taken: hence, be gone, away!

ROMEO

O, I am fortune's fool!

BENVOLIO

Why dost thou stay?

Exit ROMEO

Enter Citizens, & c

First Citizen

Which way ran he that kill'd Mercutio?
Tybalt, that murderer, which way ran he?

BENVOLIO

There lies that Tybalt.

First Citizen

Up, sir, go with me;
I charge thee in the princes name, obey.

Enter Prince, attended; MONTAGUE, CAPULET, their Wives, and others

PRINCE

Where are the vile beginners of this fray?

BENVOLIO

O noble prince, I can discover all
The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl:
There lies the man, slain by young Romeo,
That slew thy kinsman, brave Mercutio.

LADY CAPULET

Tybalt, my cousin! O my brother's child!
O prince! O cousin! husband! O, the blood is spilt
O my dear kinsman! Prince, as thou art true,
For blood of ours, shed blood of Montague.
O cousin, cousin!

PRINCE

Benvolio, who began this bloody fray?

BENVOLIO

Tybalt, here slain, whom Romeo's hand did slay;
Romeo that spoke him fair, bade him bethink
How nice the quarrel was, and urged withal
Your high displeasure: all this uttered
With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd,
Could not take truce with the unruly spleen
Of Tybalt deaf to peace, but that he tilts
With piercing steel at bold Mercutio's breast,
Who all as hot, turns deadly point to point,
And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats
Cold death aside, and with the other sends
It back to Tybalt, whose dexterity,
Retorts it: Romeo he cries aloud,
'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and, swifter than
his tongue,
His agile arm beats down their fatal points,
And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm
An envious thrust from Tybalt hit the life
Of stout Mercutio, and then Tybalt fled;
But by and by comes back to Romeo,
Who had but newly entertain'd revenge,
And to 't they go like lightning, for, ere I
Could draw to part them, was stout Tybalt slain.
And, as he fell, did Romeo turn and fly.
This is the truth, or let Benvolio die.

LADY CAPULET

He is a kinsman to the Montague;
Affection makes him false; he speaks not true:
Some twenty of them fought in this black strife,
And all those twenty could but kill one life.
I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give;
Romeo slew Tybalt, Romeo must not live.

PRINCE

Romeo slew him, he slew Mercutio;
Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?

MONTAGUE

Not Romeo, prince, he was Mercutio's friend;
His fault concludes but what the law should end,
The life of Tybalt.

PRINCE

And for that offence
Immediately we do exile him hence:
I have an interest in your hate's proceeding,
My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding;
But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine
That you shall all repent the loss of mine:
I will be deaf to pleading and excuses;
Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses:
Therefore use none: let Romeo hence in haste,
Else, when he's found, that hour is his last.
Bear hence this body and attend our will:
Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill.

Exeunt

SCENE II. Capulet's orchard.

Enter JULIET

JULIET

Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds,
Towards Phoebus' lodging: such a wagoner
As Phaethon would whip you to the west,
And bring in cloudy night immediately.
Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night,
That runaway's eyes may wink and Romeo
Leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen.
Lovers can see to do their amorous rites
By their own beauties; or, if love be blind,
It best agrees with night. Come, civil night,
Thou sober-suited matron, all in black,
And learn me how to lose a winning match,
Play'd for a pair of stainless maidenhoods:
Hood my unmann'd blood, bating in my cheeks,
With thy black mantle; till strange love, grown bold,
Think true love acted simple modesty.
Come, night; come, Romeo; come, thou day in night;
For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night
Whiter than new snow on a raven's back.
Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night,
Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.
O, I have bought the mansion of a love,
But not possess'd it, and, though I am sold,
Not yet enjoy'd: so tedious is this day
As is the night before some festival
To an impatient child that hath new robes
And may not wear them. O, here comes my nurse,
And she brings news; and every tongue that speaks
But Romeo's name speaks heavenly eloquence.

Enter Nurse, with cords
Now, nurse, what news? What hast thou there? the cords
That Romeo bid thee fetch?

Nurse

Ay, ay, the cords.

Throws them down

JULIET

Ay me! what news? why dost thou wring thy hands?

Nurse

Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!
We are undone, lady, we are undone!
Alack the day! he's gone, he's kill'd, he's dead!

JULIET

Can heaven be so envious?

Nurse

Romeo can,
Though heaven cannot: O Romeo, Romeo!
Who ever would have thought it? Romeo!

JULIET

What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus?
This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell.
Hath Romeo slain himself? say thou but 'I,'
And that bare vowel 'I' shall poison more
Than the death-darting eye of cockatrice:
I am not I, if there be such an I;
Or those eyes shut, that make thee answer 'I.'
If he be slain, say 'I'; or if not, no:
Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe.

Nurse

I saw the wound, I saw it with mine eyes,--
God save the mark!--here on his manly breast:
A piteous corse, a bloody piteous corse;
Pale, pale as ashes, all bedaub'd in blood,
All in gore-blood; I swounded at the sight.

JULIET

O, break, my heart! poor bankrupt, break at once!
To prison, eyes, ne'er look on liberty!
Vile earth, to earth resign; end motion here;
And thou and Romeo press one heavy bier!

Nurse

O Tybalt, Tybalt, the best friend I had!
O courteous Tybalt! honest gentleman!
That ever I should live to see thee dead!

JULIET

What storm is this that blows so contrary?
Is Romeo slaughter'd, and is Tybalt dead?
My dear-loved cousin, and my dearer lord?
Then, dreadful trumpet, sound the general doom!
For who is living, if those two are gone?

Nurse

Tybalt is gone, and Romeo banished;
Romeo that kill'd him, he is banished.

JULIET

O God! did Romeo's hand shed Tybalt's blood?

Nurse

It did, it did; alas the day, it did!

JULIET

O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face!
Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave?
Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical!
Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb!
Despised substance of divinest show!
Just opposite to what thou justly seem'st,
A damned saint, an honourable villain!
O nature, what hadst thou to do in hell,
When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend
In moral paradise of such sweet flesh?
Was ever book containing such vile matter
So fairly bound? O that deceit should dwell
In such a gorgeous palace!

Nurse

There's no trust,
No faith, no honesty in men; all perjured,
All forsworn, all naught, all dissemblers.
Ah, where's my man? give me some aqua vitae:
These griefs, these woes, these sorrows make me old.
Shame come to Romeo!

JULIET

Blister'd be thy tongue
For such a wish! he was not born to shame:
Upon his brow shame is ashamed to sit;
For 'tis a throne where honour may be crown'd
Sole monarch of the universal earth.
O, what a beast was I to chide at him!

Nurse

Will you speak well of him that kill'd your cousin?

JULIET

Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband?
Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name,
When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?
But, wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin?
That villain cousin would have kill'd my husband:
Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring;
Your tributary drops belong to woe,
Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy.
My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain;
And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband:
All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then?
Some word there was, worser than Tybalt's death,
That murder'd me: I would forget it fain;
But, O, it presses to my memory,
Like damned guilty deeds to sinners' minds:
'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo--banished;'
That 'banished,' that one word 'banished,'
Hath slain ten thousand Tybalts. Tybalt's death
Was woe enough, if it had ended there:
Or, if sour woe delights in fellowship
And needly will be rank'd with other griefs,
Why follow'd not, when she said 'Tybalt's dead,'
Thy father, or thy mother, nay, or both,
Which modern lamentations might have moved?
But with a rear-ward following Tybalt's death,
'Romeo is banished,' to speak that word,
Is father, mother, Tybalt, Romeo, Juliet,
All slain, all dead. 'Romeo is banished!'
There is no end, no limit, measure, bound,
In that word's death; no words can that woe sound.
Where is my father, and my mother, nurse?

Nurse

Weeping and wailing over Tybalt's corse:
Will you go to them? I will bring you thither.

JULIET

Wash they his wounds with tears: mine shall be spent,
When theirs are dry, for Romeo's banishment.
Take up those cords: poor ropes, you are beguiled,
Both you and I; for Romeo is exiled:
He made you for a highway to my bed;
But I, a maid, die maiden-widowed.
Come, cords, come, nurse; I'll to my wedding-bed;
And death, not Romeo, take my maidenhead!

Nurse

Hie to your chamber: I'll find Romeo
To comfort you: I wot well where he is.
Hark ye, your Romeo will be here at night:
I'll to him; he is hid at Laurence' cell.

JULIET

O, find him! give this ring to my true knight,
And bid him come to take his last farewell.

Exeunt

SCENE III. Friar Laurence's cell.

Enter FRIAR LAURENCE

FRIAR LAURENCE

Romeo, come forth; come forth, thou fearful man:
Affliction is enamour'd of thy parts,
And thou art wedded to calamity.

Enter ROMEO

ROMEO

Father, what news? what is the prince's doom?
What sorrow craves acquaintance at my hand,
That I yet know not?

FRIAR LAURENCE

Too familiar
Is my dear son with such sour company:
I bring thee tidings of the prince's doom.

ROMEO

What less than dooms-day is the prince's doom?

FRIAR LAURENCE

A gentler judgment vanish'd from his lips,
Not body's death, but body's banishment.

ROMEO

Ha, banishment! be merciful, say 'death;'
For exile hath more terror in his look,
Much more than death: do not say 'banishment.'

FRIAR LAURENCE

Hence from Verona art thou banished:
Be patient, for the world is broad and wide.

ROMEO

There is no world without Verona walls,
But purgatory, torture, hell itself.
Hence-banished is banish'd from the world,
And world's exile is death: then banished,
Is death mis-term'd: calling death banishment,
Thou cutt'st my head off with a golden axe,
And smilest upon the stroke that murders me.

FRIAR LAURENCE

O deadly sin! O rude unthankfulness!
Thy fault our law calls death; but the kind prince,
Taking thy part, hath rush'd aside the law,
And turn'd that black word death to banishment:
This is dear mercy, and thou seest it not.

ROMEO

'Tis torture, and not mercy: heaven is here,
Where Juliet lives; and every cat and dog
And little mouse, every unworthy thing,
Live here in heaven and may look on her;
But Romeo may not: more validity,
More honourable state, more courtship lives
In carrion-flies than Romeo: they my seize
On the white wonder of dear Juliet's hand
And steal immortal blessing from her lips,
Who even in pure and vestal modesty,
Still blush, as thinking their own kisses sin;
But Romeo may not; he is banished:
Flies may do this, but I from this must fly:
They are free men, but I am banished.
And say'st thou yet that exile is not death?
Hadst thou no poison mix'd, no sharp-ground knife,
No sudden mean of death, though ne'er so mean,
But 'banished' to kill me?--'banished'?
O friar, the damned use that word in hell;
Howlings attend it: how hast thou the heart,
Being a divine, a ghostly confessor,
A sin-absolver, and my friend profess'd,
To mangle me with that word 'banished'?

FRIAR LAURENCE

Thou fond mad man, hear me but speak a word.

ROMEO

O, thou wilt speak again of banishment.

FRIAR LAURENCE

I'll give thee armour to keep off that word:
Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy,
To comfort thee, though thou art banished.

ROMEO

Yet 'banished'? Hang up philosophy!
Unless philosophy can make a Juliet,
Displant a town, reverse a prince's doom,
It helps not, it prevails not: talk no more.

FRIAR LAURENCE

O, then I see that madmen have no ears.

ROMEO

How should they, when that wise men have no eyes?

FRIAR LAURENCE

Let me dispute with thee of thy estate.

ROMEO

Thou canst not speak of that thou dost not feel:
Wert thou as young as I, Juliet thy love,
An hour but married, Tybalt murdered,
Doting like me and like me banished,
Then mightst thou speak, then mightst thou tear thy hair,
And fall upon the ground, as I do now,
Taking the measure of an unmade grave.

Knocking within

FRIAR LAURENCE

Arise; one knocks; good Romeo, hide thyself.

ROMEO

Not I; unless the breath of heartsick groans,
Mist-like, infold me from the search of eyes.

Knocking

FRIAR LAURENCE

Hark, how they knock! Who's there? Romeo, arise;
Thou wilt be taken. Stay awhile! Stand up;

Knocking
Run to my study. By and by! God's will,
What simpleness is this! I come, I come!

Knocking
Who knocks so hard? whence come you? what's your will?

Nurse

[Within] Let me come in, and you shall know
my errand;
I come from Lady Juliet.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Welcome, then.

Enter Nurse

Nurse

O holy friar, O, tell me, holy friar,
Where is my lady's lord, where's Romeo?

FRIAR LAURENCE

There on the ground, with his own tears made drunk.

Nurse

O, he is even in my mistress' case,
Just in her case! O woful sympathy!
Piteous predicament! Even so lies she,
Blubbering and weeping, weeping and blubbering.
Stand up, stand up; stand, and you be a man:
For Juliet's sake, for her sake, rise and stand;
Why should you fall into so deep an O?

ROMEO

Nurse!

Nurse

Ah sir! ah sir! Well, death's the end of all.

ROMEO

Spakest thou of Juliet? how is it with her?
Doth she not think me an old murderer,
Now I have stain'd the childhood of our joy
With blood removed but little from her own?
Where is she? and how doth she? and what says
My conceal'd lady to our cancell'd love?

Nurse

O, she says nothing, sir, but weeps and weeps;
And now falls on her bed; and then starts up,
And Tybalt calls; and then on Romeo cries,
And then down falls again.

ROMEO

As if that name,
Shot from the deadly level of a gun,
Did murder her; as that name's cursed hand
Murder'd her kinsman. O, tell me, friar, tell me,
In what vile part of this anatomy
Doth my name lodge? tell me, that I may sack
The hateful mansion.

Drawing his sword

FRIAR LAURENCE

Hold thy desperate hand:
Art thou a man? thy form cries out thou art:
Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote
The unreasonable fury of a beast:
Unseemly woman in a seeming man!
Or ill-beseeming beast in seeming both!
Thou hast amazed me: by my holy order,
I thought thy disposition better temper'd.
Hast thou slain Tybalt? wilt thou slay thyself?
And stay thy lady too that lives in thee,
By doing damned hate upon thyself?
Why rail'st thou on thy birth, the heaven, and earth?
Since birth, and heaven, and earth, all three do meet
In thee at once; which thou at once wouldst lose.
Fie, fie, thou shamest thy shape, thy love, thy wit;
Which, like a usurer, abound'st in all,
And usest none in that true use indeed
Which should bedeck thy shape, thy love, thy wit:
Thy noble shape is but a form of wax,
Digressing from the valour of a man;
Thy dear love sworn but hollow perjury,
Killing that love which thou hast vow'd to cherish;
Thy wit, that ornament to shape and love,
Misshapen in the conduct of them both,
Like powder in a skitless soldier's flask,
Is set afire by thine own ignorance,
And thou dismember'd with thine own defence.
What, rouse thee, man! thy Juliet is alive,
For whose dear sake thou wast but lately dead;
There art thou happy: Tybalt would kill thee,
But thou slew'st Tybalt; there are thou happy too:
The law that threaten'd death becomes thy friend
And turns it to exile; there art thou happy:
A pack of blessings lights up upon thy back;
Happiness courts thee in her best array;
But, like a misbehaved and sullen wench,
Thou pout'st upon thy fortune and thy love:
Take heed, take heed, for such die miserable.
Go, get thee to thy love, as was decreed,
Ascend her chamber, hence and comfort her:
But look thou stay not till the watch be set,
For then thou canst not pass to Mantua;
Where thou shalt live, till we can find a time
To blaze your marriage, reconcile your friends,
Beg pardon of the prince, and call thee back
With twenty hundred thousand times more joy
Than thou went'st forth in lamentation.
Go before, nurse: commend me to thy lady;
And bid her hasten all the house to bed,
Which heavy sorrow makes them apt unto:
Romeo is coming.

Nurse

O Lord, I could have stay'd here all the night
To hear good counsel: O, what learning is!
My lord, I'll tell my lady you will come.

ROMEO

Do so, and bid my sweet prepare to chide.

Nurse

Here, sir, a ring she bid me give you, sir:
Hie you, make haste, for it grows very late.

Exit

ROMEO

How well my comfort is revived by this!

FRIAR LAURENCE

Go hence; good night; and here stands all your state:
Either be gone before the watch be set,
Or by the break of day disguised from hence:
Sojourn in Mantua; I'll find out your man,
And he shall signify from time to time
Every good hap to you that chances here:
Give me thy hand; 'tis late: farewell; good night.

ROMEO

But that a joy past joy calls out on me,
It were a grief, so brief to part with thee: Farewell.

Exeunt

SCENE IV. A room in Capulet's house.

Enter CAPULET, LADY CAPULET, and PARIS

CAPULET

Things have fall'n out, sir, so unluckily,
That we have had no time to move our daughter:
Look you, she loved her kinsman Tybalt dearly,
And so did I:--Well, we were born to die.
'Tis very late, she'll not come down to-night:
I promise you, but for your company,
I would have been a-bed an hour ago.

PARIS

These times of woe afford no time to woo.
Madam, good night: commend me to your daughter.

LADY CAPULET

I will, and know her mind early to-morrow;
To-night she is mew'd up to her heaviness.

CAPULET

Sir Paris, I will make a desperate tender
Of my child's love: I think she will be ruled
In all respects by me; nay, more, I doubt it not.
Wife, go you to her ere you go to bed;
Acquaint her here of my son Paris' love;
And bid her, mark you me, on Wednesday next--
But, soft! what day is this?

PARIS

Monday, my lord,

CAPULET

Monday! ha, ha! Well, Wednesday is too soon,
O' Thursday let it be: o' Thursday, tell her,
She shall be married to this noble earl.
Will you be ready? do you like this haste?
We'll keep no great ado,--a friend or two;
For, hark you, Tybalt being slain so late,
It may be thought we held him carelessly,
Being our kinsman, if we revel much:
Therefore we'll have some half a dozen friends,
And there an end. But what say you to Thursday?

PARIS

My lord, I would that Thursday were to-morrow.

CAPULET

Well get you gone: o' Thursday be it, then.
Go you to Juliet ere you go to bed,
Prepare her, wife, against this wedding-day.
Farewell, my lord. Light to my chamber, ho!
Afore me! it is so very very late,
That we may call it early by and by.
Good night.

Exeunt

SCENE V. Capulet's orchard.

Enter ROMEO and JULIET above, at the window

JULIET

Wilt thou be gone? it is not yet near day:
It was the nightingale, and not the lark,
That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear;
Nightly she sings on yon pomegranate-tree:
Believe me, love, it was the nightingale.

ROMEO

It was the lark, the herald of the morn,
No nightingale: look, love, what envious streaks
Do lace the severing clouds in yonder east:
Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day
Stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops.
I must be gone and live, or stay and die.

JULIET

Yon light is not day-light, I know it, I:
It is some meteor that the sun exhales,
To be to thee this night a torch-bearer,
And light thee on thy way to Mantua:
Therefore stay yet; thou need'st not to be gone.

ROMEO

Let me be ta'en, let me be put to death;
I am content, so thou wilt have it so.
I'll say yon grey is not the morning's eye,
'Tis but the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow;
Nor that is not the lark, whose notes do beat
The vaulty heaven so high above our heads:
I have more care to stay than will to go:
Come, death, and welcome! Juliet wills it so.
How is't, my soul? let's talk; it is not day.

JULIET

It is, it is: hie hence, be gone, away!
It is the lark that sings so out of tune,
Straining harsh discords and unpleasing sharps.
Some say the lark makes sweet division;
This doth not so, for she divideth us:
Some say the lark and loathed toad change eyes,
O, now I would they had changed voices too!
Since arm from arm that voice doth us affray,
Hunting thee hence with hunt's-up to the day,
O, now be gone; more light and light it grows.

ROMEO

More light and light; more dark and dark our woes!

Enter Nurse, to the chamber

Nurse

Madam!

JULIET

Nurse?

Nurse

Your lady mother is coming to your chamber:
The day is broke; be wary, look about.

Exit

JULIET

Then, window, let day in, and let life out.

ROMEO

Farewell, farewell! one kiss, and I'll descend.

He goeth down

JULIET

Art thou gone so? love, lord, ay, husband, friend!
I must hear from thee every day in the hour,
For in a minute there are many days:
O, by this count I shall be much in years
Ere I again behold my Romeo!

ROMEO

Farewell!
I will omit no opportunity
That may convey my greetings, love, to thee.

JULIET

O think'st thou we shall ever meet again?

ROMEO

I doubt it not; and all these woes shall serve
For sweet discourses in our time to come.

JULIET

O God, I have an ill-divining soul!
Methinks I see thee, now thou art below,
As one dead in the bottom of a tomb:
Either my eyesight fails, or thou look'st pale.

ROMEO

And trust me, love, in my eye so do you:
Dry sorrow drinks our blood. Adieu, adieu!

Exit

JULIET

O fortune, fortune! all men call thee fickle:
If thou art fickle, what dost thou with him.
That is renown'd for faith? Be fickle, fortune;
For then, I hope, thou wilt not keep him long,
But send him back.

LADY CAPULET

[Within] Ho, daughter! are you up?

JULIET

Who is't that calls? is it my lady mother?
Is she not down so late, or up so early?
What unaccustom'd cause procures her hither?

Enter LADY CAPULET

LADY CAPULET

Why, how now, Juliet!

JULIET

Madam, I am not well.

LADY CAPULET

Evermore weeping for your cousin's death?
What, wilt thou wash him from his grave with tears?
An if thou couldst, thou couldst not make him live;
Therefore, have done: some grief shows much of love;
But much of grief shows still some want of wit.

JULIET

Yet let me weep for such a feeling loss.

LADY CAPULET

So shall you feel the loss, but not the friend
Which you weep for.

JULIET

Feeling so the loss,
Cannot choose but ever weep the friend.

LADY CAPULET

Well, girl, thou weep'st not so much for his death,
As that the villain lives which slaughter'd him.

JULIET

What villain madam?

LADY CAPULET

That same villain, Romeo.

JULIET

[Aside] Villain and he be many miles asunder.--
God Pardon him! I do, with all my heart;
And yet no man like he doth grieve my heart.

LADY CAPULET

That is, because the traitor murderer lives.

JULIET

Ay, madam, from the reach of these my hands:
Would none but I might venge my cousin's death!

LADY CAPULET

We will have vengeance for it, fear thou not:
Then weep no more. I'll send to one in Mantua,
Where that same banish'd runagate doth live,
Shall give him such an unaccustom'd dram,
That he shall soon keep Tybalt company:
And then, I hope, thou wilt be satisfied.

JULIET

Indeed, I never shall be satisfied
With Romeo, till I behold him--dead--
Is my poor heart for a kinsman vex'd.
Madam, if you could find out but a man
To bear a poison, I would temper it;
That Romeo should, upon receipt thereof,
Soon sleep in quiet. O, how my heart abhors
To hear him named, and cannot come to him.
To wreak the love I bore my cousin
Upon his body that slaughter'd him!

LADY CAPULET

Find thou the means, and I'll find such a man.
But now I'll tell thee joyful tidings, girl.

JULIET

And joy comes well in such a needy time:
What are they, I beseech your ladyship?

LADY CAPULET

Well, well, thou hast a careful father, child;
One who, to put thee from thy heaviness,
Hath sorted out a sudden day of joy,
That thou expect'st not nor I look'd not for.

JULIET

Madam, in happy time, what day is that?

LADY CAPULET

Marry, my child, early next Thursday morn,
The gallant, young and noble gentleman,
The County Paris, at Saint Peter's Church,
Shall happily make thee there a joyful bride.

JULIET

Now, by Saint Peter's Church and Peter too,
He shall not make me there a joyful bride.
I wonder at this haste; that I must wed
Ere he, that should be husband, comes to woo.
I pray you, tell my lord and father, madam,
I will not marry yet; and, when I do, I swear,
It shall be Romeo, whom you know I hate,
Rather than Paris. These are news indeed!

LADY CAPULET

Here comes your father; tell him so yourself,
And see how he will take it at your hands.

Enter CAPULET and Nurse

CAPULET

When the sun sets, the air doth drizzle dew;
But for the sunset of my brother's son
It rains downright.
How now! a conduit, girl? what, still in tears?
Evermore showering? In one little body
Thou counterfeit'st a bark, a sea, a wind;
For still thy eyes, which I may call the sea,
Do ebb and flow with tears; the bark thy body is,
Sailing in this salt flood; the winds, thy sighs;
Who, raging with thy tears, and they with them,
Without a sudden calm, will overset
Thy tempest-tossed body. How now, wife!
Have you deliver'd to her our decree?

LADY CAPULET

Ay, sir; but she will none, she gives you thanks.
I would the fool were married to her grave!

CAPULET

Soft! take me with you, take me with you, wife.
How! will she none? doth she not give us thanks?
Is she not proud? doth she not count her blest,
Unworthy as she is, that we have wrought
So worthy a gentleman to be her bridegroom?

JULIET

Not proud, you have; but thankful, that you have:
Proud can I never be of what I hate;
But thankful even for hate, that is meant love.

CAPULET

How now, how now, chop-logic! What is this?
'Proud,' and 'I thank you,' and 'I thank you not;'
And yet 'not proud,' mistress minion, you,
Thank me no thankings, nor, proud me no prouds,
But fettle your fine joints 'gainst Thursday next,
To go with Paris to Saint Peter's Church,
Or I will drag thee on a hurdle thither.
Out, you green-sickness carrion! out, you baggage!
You tallow-face!

LADY CAPULET

Fie, fie! what, are you mad?

JULIET

Good father, I beseech you on my knees,
Hear me with patience but to speak a word.

CAPULET

Hang thee, young baggage! disobedient wretch!
I tell thee what: get thee to church o' Thursday,
Or never after look me in the face:
Speak not, reply not, do not answer me;
My fingers itch. Wife, we scarce thought us blest
That God had lent us but this only child;
But now I see this one is one too much,
And that we have a curse in having her:
Out on her, hilding!

Nurse

God in heaven bless her!
You are to blame, my lord, to rate her so.

CAPULET

And why, my lady wisdom? hold your tongue,
Good prudence; smatter with your gossips, go.

Nurse

I speak no treason.

CAPULET

O, God ye god-den.

Nurse

May not one speak?

CAPULET

Peace, you mumbling fool!
Utter your gravity o'er a gossip's bowl;
For here we need it not.

LADY CAPULET

You are too hot.

CAPULET

God's bread! it makes me mad:
Day, night, hour, tide, time, work, play,
Alone, in company, still my care hath been
To have her match'd: and having now provided
A gentleman of noble parentage,
Of fair demesnes, youthful, and nobly train'd,
Stuff'd, as they say, with honourable parts,
Proportion'd as one's thought would wish a man;
And then to have a wretched puling fool,
A whining mammet, in her fortune's tender,
To answer 'I'll not wed; I cannot love,
I am too young; I pray you, pardon me.'
But, as you will not wed, I'll pardon you:
Graze where you will you shall not house with me:
Look to't, think on't, I do not use to jest.
Thursday is near; lay hand on heart, advise:
An you be mine, I'll give you to my friend;
And you be not, hang, beg, starve, die in
the streets,
For, by my soul, I'll ne'er acknowledge thee,
Nor what is mine shall never do thee good:
Trust to't, bethink you; I'll not be forsworn.

Exit

JULIET

Is there no pity sitting in the clouds,
That sees into the bottom of my grief?
O, sweet my mother, cast me not away!
Delay this marriage for a month, a week;
Or, if you do not, make the bridal bed
In that dim monument where Tybalt lies.

LADY CAPULET

Talk not to me, for I'll not speak a word:
Do as thou wilt, for I have done with thee.

Exit

JULIET

O God!--O nurse, how shall this be prevented?
My husband is on earth, my faith in heaven;
How shall that faith return again to earth,
Unless that husband send it me from heaven
By leaving earth? comfort me, counsel me.
Alack, alack, that heaven should practise stratagems
Upon so soft a subject as myself!
What say'st thou? hast thou not a word of joy?
Some comfort, nurse.

Nurse

Faith, here it is.
Romeo is banish'd; and all the world to nothing,
That he dares ne'er come back to challenge you;
Or, if he do, it needs must be by stealth.
Then, since the case so stands as now it doth,
I think it best you married with the county.
O, he's a lovely gentleman!
Romeo's a dishclout to him: an eagle, madam,
Hath not so green, so quick, so fair an eye
As Paris hath. Beshrew my very heart,
I think you are happy in this second match,
For it excels your first: or if it did not,
Your first is dead; or 'twere as good he were,
As living here and you no use of him.

JULIET

Speakest thou from thy heart?

Nurse

And from my soul too;
Or else beshrew them both.

JULIET

Amen!

Nurse

What?

JULIET

Well, thou hast comforted me marvellous much.
Go in: and tell my lady I am gone,
Having displeased my father, to Laurence' cell,
To make confession and to be absolved.

Nurse

Marry, I will; and this is wisely done.

Exit

JULIET

Ancient damnation! O most wicked fiend!
Is it more sin to wish me thus forsworn,
Or to dispraise my lord with that same tongue
Which she hath praised him with above compare
So many thousand times? Go, counsellor;
Thou and my bosom henceforth shall be twain.
I'll to the friar, to know his remedy:
If all else fail, myself have power to die.

Exit

ACT IV
SCENE I. Friar Laurence's cell.

Enter FRIAR LAURENCE and PARIS

FRIAR LAURENCE

On Thursday, sir? the time is very short.

PARIS

My father Capulet will have it so;
And I am nothing slow to slack his haste.

FRIAR LAURENCE

You say you do not know the lady's mind:
Uneven is the course, I like it not.

PARIS

Immoderately she weeps for Tybalt's death,
And therefore have I little talk'd of love;
For Venus smiles not in a house of tears.
Now, sir, her father counts it dangerous
That she doth give her sorrow so much sway,
And in his wisdom hastes our marriage,
To stop the inundation of her tears;
Which, too much minded by herself alone,
May be put from her by society:
Now do you know the reason of this haste.

FRIAR LAURENCE

[Aside] I would I knew not why it should be slow'd.
Look, sir, here comes the lady towards my cell.

Enter JULIET

PARIS

Happily met, my lady and my wife!

JULIET

That may be, sir, when I may be a wife.

PARIS

That may be must be, love, on Thursday next.

JULIET

What must be shall be.

FRIAR LAURENCE

That's a certain text.

PARIS

Come you to make confession to this father?

JULIET

To answer that, I should confess to you.

PARIS

Do not deny to him that you love me.

JULIET

I will confess to you that I love him.

PARIS

So will ye, I am sure, that you love me.

JULIET

If I do so, it will be of more price,
Being spoke behind your back, than to your face.

PARIS

Poor soul, thy face is much abused with tears.

JULIET

The tears have got small victory by that;
For it was bad enough before their spite.

PARIS

Thou wrong'st it, more than tears, with that report.

JULIET

That is no slander, sir, which is a truth;
And what I spake, I spake it to my face.

PARIS

Thy face is mine, and thou hast slander'd it.

JULIET

It may be so, for it is not mine own.
Are you at leisure, holy father, now;
Or shall I come to you at evening mass?

FRIAR LAURENCE

My leisure serves me, pensive daughter, now.
My lord, we must entreat the time alone.

PARIS

God shield I should disturb devotion!
Juliet, on Thursday early will I rouse ye:
Till then, adieu; and keep this holy kiss.

Exit

JULIET

O shut the door! and when thou hast done so,
Come weep with me; past hope, past cure, past help!

FRIAR LAURENCE

Ah, Juliet, I already know thy grief;
It strains me past the compass of my wits:
I hear thou must, and nothing may prorogue it,
On Thursday next be married to this county.

JULIET

Tell me not, friar, that thou hear'st of this,
Unless thou tell me how I may prevent it:
If, in thy wisdom, thou canst give no help,
Do thou but call my resolution wise,
And with this knife I'll help it presently.
God join'd my heart and Romeo's, thou our hands;
And ere this hand, by thee to Romeo seal'd,
Shall be the label to another deed,
Or my true heart with treacherous revolt
Turn to another, this shall slay them both:
Therefore, out of thy long-experienced time,
Give me some present counsel, or, behold,
'Twixt my extremes and me this bloody knife
Shall play the umpire, arbitrating that
Which the commission of thy years and art
Could to no issue of true honour bring.
Be not so long to speak; I long to die,
If what thou speak'st speak not of remedy.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Hold, daughter: I do spy a kind of hope,
Which craves as desperate an execution.
As that is desperate which we would prevent.
If, rather than to marry County Paris,
Thou hast the strength of will to slay thyself,
Then is it likely thou wilt undertake
A thing like death to chide away this shame,
That copest with death himself to scape from it:
And, if thou darest, I'll give thee remedy.

JULIET

O, bid me leap, rather than marry Paris,
From off the battlements of yonder tower;
Or walk in thievish ways; or bid me lurk
Where serpents are; chain me with roaring bears;
Or shut me nightly in a charnel-house,
O'er-cover'd quite with dead men's rattling bones,
With reeky shanks and yellow chapless skulls;
Or bid me go into a new-made grave
And hide me with a dead man in his shroud;
Things that, to hear them told, have made me tremble;
And I will do it without fear or doubt,
To live an unstain'd wife to my sweet love.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Hold, then; go home, be merry, give consent
To marry Paris: Wednesday is to-morrow:
To-morrow night look that thou lie alone;
Let not thy nurse lie with thee in thy chamber:
Take thou this vial, being then in bed,
And this distilled liquor drink thou off;
When presently through all thy veins shall run
A cold and drowsy humour, for no pulse
Shall keep his native progress, but surcease:
No warmth, no breath, shall testify thou livest;
The roses in thy lips and cheeks shall fade
To paly ashes, thy eyes' windows fall,
Like death, when he shuts up the day of life;
Each part, deprived of supple government,
Shall, stiff and stark and cold, appear like death:
And in this borrow'd likeness of shrunk death
Thou shalt continue two and forty hours,
And then awake as from a pleasant sleep.
Now, when the bridegroom in the morning comes
To rouse thee from thy bed, there art thou dead:
Then, as the manner of our country is,
In thy best robes uncover'd on the bier
Thou shalt be borne to that same ancient vault
Where all the kindred of the Capulets lie.
In the mean time, against thou shalt awake,
Shall Romeo by my letters know our drift,
And hither shall he come: and he and I
Will watch thy waking, and that very night
Shall Romeo bear thee hence to Mantua.
And this shall free thee from this present shame;
If no inconstant toy, nor womanish fear,
Abate thy valour in the acting it.

JULIET

Give me, give me! O, tell not me of fear!

FRIAR LAURENCE

Hold; get you gone, be strong and prosperous
In this resolve: I'll send a friar with speed
To Mantua, with my letters to thy lord.

JULIET

Love give me strength! and strength shall help afford.
Farewell, dear father!

Exeunt

SCENE II. Hall in Capulet's house.

Enter CAPULET, LADY CAPULET, Nurse, and two Servingmen

CAPULET

So many guests invite as here are writ.

Exit First Servant
Sirrah, go hire me twenty cunning cooks.

Second Servant

You shall have none ill, sir; for I'll try if they
can lick their fingers.

CAPULET

How canst thou try them so?

Second Servant

Marry, sir, 'tis an ill cook that cannot lick his
own fingers: therefore he that cannot lick his
fingers goes not with me.

CAPULET

Go, be gone.

Exit Second Servant
We shall be much unfurnished for this time.
What, is my daughter gone to Friar Laurence?

Nurse

Ay, forsooth.

CAPULET

Well, he may chance to do some good on her:
A peevish self-will'd harlotry it is.

Nurse

See where she comes from shrift with merry look.

Enter JULIET

CAPULET

How now, my headstrong! where have you been gadding?

JULIET

Where I have learn'd me to repent the sin
Of disobedient opposition
To you and your behests, and am enjoin'd
By holy Laurence to fall prostrate here,
And beg your pardon: pardon, I beseech you!
Henceforward I am ever ruled by you.

CAPULET

Send for the county; go tell him of this:
I'll have this knot knit up to-morrow morning.

JULIET

I met the youthful lord at Laurence' cell;
And gave him what becomed love I might,
Not step o'er the bounds of modesty.

CAPULET

Why, I am glad on't; this is well: stand up:
This is as't should be. Let me see the county;
Ay, marry, go, I say, and fetch him hither.
Now, afore God! this reverend holy friar,
Our whole city is much bound to him.

JULIET

Nurse, will you go with me into my closet,
To help me sort such needful ornaments
As you think fit to furnish me to-morrow?

LADY CAPULET

No, not till Thursday; there is time enough.

CAPULET

Go, nurse, go with her: we'll to church to-morrow.

Exeunt JULIET and Nurse

LADY CAPULET

We shall be short in our provision:
'Tis now near night.

CAPULET

Tush, I will stir about,
And all things shall be well, I warrant thee, wife:
Go thou to Juliet, help to deck up her;
I'll not to bed to-night; let me alone;
I'll play the housewife for this once. What, ho!
They are all forth. Well, I will walk myself
To County Paris, to prepare him up
Against to-morrow: my heart is wondrous light,
Since this same wayward girl is so reclaim'd.

Exeunt

SCENE III. Juliet's chamber.

Enter JULIET and Nurse

JULIET

Ay, those attires are best: but, gentle nurse,
I pray thee, leave me to my self to-night,
For I have need of many orisons
To move the heavens to smile upon my state,
Which, well thou know'st, is cross, and full of sin.

Enter LADY CAPULET

LADY CAPULET

What, are you busy, ho? need you my help?

JULIET

No, madam; we have cull'd such necessaries
As are behoveful for our state to-morrow:
So please you, let me now be left alone,
And let the nurse this night sit up with you;
For, I am sure, you have your hands full all,
In this so sudden business.

LADY CAPULET

Good night:
Get thee to bed, and rest; for thou hast need.

Exeunt LADY CAPULET and Nurse

JULIET

Farewell! God knows when we shall meet again.
I have a faint cold fear thrills through my veins,
That almost freezes up the heat of life:
I'll call them back again to comfort me:
Nurse! What should she do here?
My dismal scene I needs must act alone.
Come, vial.
What if this mixture do not work at all?
Shall I be married then to-morrow morning?
No, no: this shall forbid it: lie thou there.

Laying down her dagger
What if it be a poison, which the friar
Subtly hath minister'd to have me dead,
Lest in this marriage he should be dishonour'd,
Because he married me before to Romeo?
I fear it is: and yet, methinks, it should not,
For he hath still been tried a holy man.
How if, when I am laid into the tomb,
I wake before the time that Romeo
Come to redeem me? there's a fearful point!
Shall I not, then, be stifled in the vault,
To whose foul mouth no healthsome air breathes in,
And there die strangled ere my Romeo comes?
Or, if I live, is it not very like,
The horrible conceit of death and night,
Together with the terror of the place,--
As in a vault, an ancient receptacle,
Where, for these many hundred years, the bones
Of all my buried ancestors are packed:
Where bloody Tybalt, yet but green in earth,
Lies festering in his shroud; where, as they say,
At some hours in the night spirits resort;--
Alack, alack, is it not like that I,
So early waking, what with loathsome smells,
And shrieks like mandrakes' torn out of the earth,
That living mortals, hearing them, run mad:--
O, if I wake, shall I not be distraught,
Environed with all these hideous fears?
And madly play with my forefather's joints?
And pluck the mangled Tybalt from his shroud?
And, in this rage, with some great kinsman's bone,
As with a club, dash out my desperate brains?
O, look! methinks I see my cousin's ghost
Seeking out Romeo, that did spit his body
Upon a rapier's point: stay, Tybalt, stay!
Romeo, I come! this do I drink to thee.

She falls upon her bed, within the curtains

SCENE IV. Hall in Capulet's house.

Enter LADY CAPULET and Nurse

LADY CAPULET

Hold, take these keys, and fetch more spices, nurse.

Nurse

They call for dates and quinces in the pastry.

Enter CAPULET

CAPULET

Come, stir, stir, stir! the second cock hath crow'd,
The curfew-bell hath rung, 'tis three o'clock:
Look to the baked meats, good Angelica:
Spare not for the cost.

Nurse

Go, you cot-quean, go,
Get you to bed; faith, You'll be sick to-morrow
For this night's watching.

CAPULET

No, not a whit: what! I have watch'd ere now
All night for lesser cause, and ne'er been sick.

LADY CAPULET

Ay, you have been a mouse-hunt in your time;
But I will watch you from such watching now.

Exeunt LADY CAPULET and Nurse

CAPULET

A jealous hood, a jealous hood!

Enter three or four Servingmen, with spits, logs, and baskets
Now, fellow,
What's there?

First Servant

Things for the cook, sir; but I know not what.

CAPULET

Make haste, make haste.

Exit First Servant
Sirrah, fetch drier logs:
Call Peter, he will show thee where they are.

Second Servant

I have a head, sir, that will find out logs,
And never trouble Peter for the matter.

Exit

CAPULET

Mass, and well said; a merry whoreson, ha!
Thou shalt be logger-head. Good faith, 'tis day:
The county will be here with music straight,
For so he said he would: I hear him near.

Music within
Nurse! Wife! What, ho! What, nurse, I say!

Re-enter Nurse
Go waken Juliet, go and trim her up;
I'll go and chat with Paris: hie, make haste,
Make haste; the bridegroom he is come already:
Make haste, I say.

Exeunt

SCENE V. Juliet's chamber.

Enter Nurse

Nurse

Mistress! what, mistress! Juliet! fast, I warrant her, she:
Why, lamb! why, lady! fie, you slug-a-bed!
Why, love, I say! madam! sweet-heart! why, bride!
What, not a word? you take your pennyworths now;
Sleep for a week; for the next night, I warrant,
The County Paris hath set up his rest,
That you shall rest but little. God forgive me,
Marry, and amen, how sound is she asleep!
I must needs wake her. Madam, madam, madam!
Ay, let the county take you in your bed;
He'll fright you up, i' faith. Will it not be?

Undraws the curtains
What, dress'd! and in your clothes! and down again!
I must needs wake you; Lady! lady! lady!
Alas, alas! Help, help! my lady's dead!
O, well-a-day, that ever I was born!
Some aqua vitae, ho! My lord! my lady!

Enter LADY CAPULET

LADY CAPULET

What noise is here?

Nurse

O lamentable day!

LADY CAPULET

What is the matter?

Nurse

Look, look! O heavy day!

LADY CAPULET

O me, O me! My child, my only life,
Revive, look up, or I will die with thee!
Help, help! Call help.

Enter CAPULET

CAPULET

For shame, bring Juliet forth; her lord is come.

Nurse

She's dead, deceased, she's dead; alack the day!

LADY CAPULET

Alack the day, she's dead, she's dead, she's dead!

CAPULET

Ha! let me see her: out, alas! she's cold:
Her blood is settled, and her joints are stiff;
Life and these lips have long been separated:
Death lies on her like an untimely frost
Upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

Nurse

O lamentable day!

LADY CAPULET

O woful time!

CAPULET

Death, that hath ta'en her hence to make me wail,
Ties up my tongue, and will not let me speak.

Enter FRIAR LAURENCE and PARIS, with Musicians

FRIAR LAURENCE

Come, is the bride ready to go to church?

CAPULET

Ready to go, but never to return.
O son! the night before thy wedding-day
Hath Death lain with thy wife. There she lies,
Flower as she was, deflowered by him.
Death is my son-in-law, Death is my heir;
My daughter he hath wedded: I will die,
And leave him all; life, living, all is Death's.

PARIS

Have I thought long to see this morning's face,
And doth it give me such a sight as this?

LADY CAPULET

Accursed, unhappy, wretched, hateful day!
Most miserable hour that e'er time saw
In lasting labour of his pilgrimage!
But one, poor one, one poor and loving child,
But one thing to rejoice and solace in,
And cruel death hath catch'd it from my sight!

Nurse

O woe! O woful, woful, woful day!
Most lamentable day, most woful day,
That ever, ever, I did yet behold!
O day! O day! O day! O hateful day!
Never was seen so black a day as this:
O woful day, O woful day!

PARIS

Beguiled, divorced, wronged, spited, slain!
Most detestable death, by thee beguil'd,
By cruel cruel thee quite overthrown!
O love! O life! not life, but love in death!

CAPULET

Despised, distressed, hated, martyr'd, kill'd!
Uncomfortable time, why camest thou now
To murder, murder our solemnity?
O child! O child! my soul, and not my child!
Dead art thou! Alack! my child is dead;
And with my child my joys are buried.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Peace, ho, for shame! confusion's cure lives not
In these confusions. Heaven and yourself
Had part in this fair maid; now heaven hath all,
And all the better is it for the maid:
Your part in her you could not keep from death,
But heaven keeps his part in eternal life.
The most you sought was her promotion;
For 'twas your heaven she should be advanced:
And weep ye now, seeing she is advanced
Above the clouds, as high as heaven itself?
O, in this love, you love your child so ill,
That you run mad, seeing that she is well:
She's not well married that lives married long;
But she's best married that dies married young.
Dry up your tears, and stick your rosemary
On this fair corse; and, as the custom is,
In all her best array bear her to church:
For though fond nature bids us an lament,
Yet nature's tears are reason's merriment.

CAPULET

All things that we ordained festival,
Turn from their office to black funeral;
Our instruments to melancholy bells,
Our wedding cheer to a sad burial feast,
Our solemn hymns to sullen dirges change,
Our bridal flowers serve for a buried corse,
And all things change them to the contrary.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Sir, go you in; and, madam, go with him;
And go, Sir Paris; every one prepare
To follow this fair corse unto her grave:
The heavens do lour upon you for some ill;
Move them no more by crossing their high will.

Exeunt CAPULET, LADY CAPULET, PARIS, and FRIAR LAURENCE

First Musician

Faith, we may put up our pipes, and be gone.

Nurse

Honest goodfellows, ah, put up, put up;
For, well you know, this is a pitiful case.

Exit

First Musician

Ay, by my troth, the case may be amended.

Enter PETER

PETER

Musicians, O, musicians, 'Heart's ease, Heart's
ease:' O, an you will have me live, play 'Heart's ease.'

First Musician

Why 'Heart's ease?'

PETER

O, musicians, because my heart itself plays 'My
heart is full of woe:' O, play me some merry dump,
to comfort me.

First Musician

Not a dump we; 'tis no time to play now.

PETER

You will not, then?

First Musician

No.

PETER

I will then give it you soundly.

First Musician

What will you give us?

PETER

No money, on my faith, but the gleek;
I will give you the minstrel.

First Musician

Then I will give you the serving-creature.

PETER

Then will I lay the serving-creature's dagger on
your pate. I will carry no crotchets: I'll re you,
I'll fa you; do you note me?

First Musician

An you re us and fa us, you note us.

Second Musician

Pray you, put up your dagger, and put out your wit.

PETER

Then have at you with my wit! I will dry-beat you
with an iron wit, and put up my iron dagger. Answer
me like men:
'When griping grief the heart doth wound,
And doleful dumps the mind oppress,
Then music with her silver sound'--
why 'silver sound'? why 'music with her silver
sound'? What say you, Simon Catling?

Musician

Marry, sir, because silver hath a sweet sound.

PETER

Pretty! What say you, Hugh Rebeck?

Second Musician

I say 'silver sound,' because musicians sound for silver.

PETER

Pretty too! What say you, James Soundpost?

Third Musician

Faith, I know not what to say.

PETER

O, I cry you mercy; you are the singer: I will say
for you. It is 'music with her silver sound,'
because musicians have no gold for sounding:
'Then music with her silver sound
With speedy help doth lend redress.'

Exit

First Musician

What a pestilent knave is this same!

Second Musician

Hang him, Jack! Come, we'll in here; tarry for the
mourners, and stay dinner.

Exeunt

ACT V
SCENE I. Mantua. A street.

Enter ROMEO

ROMEO

If I may trust the flattering truth of sleep,
My dreams presage some joyful news at hand:
My bosom's lord sits lightly in his throne;
And all this day an unaccustom'd spirit
Lifts me above the ground with cheerful thoughts.
I dreamt my lady came and found me dead--
Strange dream, that gives a dead man leave
to think!--
And breathed such life with kisses in my lips,
That I revived, and was an emperor.
Ah me! how sweet is love itself possess'd,
When but love's shadows are so rich in joy!

Enter BALTHASAR, booted
News from Verona!--How now, Balthasar!
Dost thou not bring me letters from the friar?
How doth my lady? Is my father well?
How fares my Juliet? that I ask again;
For nothing can be ill, if she be well.

BALTHASAR

Then she is well, and nothing can be ill:
Her body sleeps in Capel's monument,
And her immortal part with angels lives.
I saw her laid low in her kindred's vault,
And presently took post to tell it you:
O, pardon me for bringing these ill news,
Since you did leave it for my office, sir.

ROMEO

Is it even so? then I defy you, stars!
Thou know'st my lodging: get me ink and paper,
And hire post-horses; I will hence to-night.

BALTHASAR

I do beseech you, sir, have patience:
Your looks are pale and wild, and do import
Some misadventure.

ROMEO

Tush, thou art deceived:
Leave me, and do the thing I bid thee do.
Hast thou no letters to me from the friar?

BALTHASAR

No, my good lord.

ROMEO

No matter: get thee gone,
And hire those horses; I'll be with thee straight.

Exit BALTHASAR
Well, Juliet, I will lie with thee to-night.
Let's see for means: O mischief, thou art swift
To enter in the thoughts of desperate men!
I do remember an apothecary,--
And hereabouts he dwells,--which late I noted
In tatter'd weeds, with overwhelming brows,
Culling of simples; meagre were his looks,
Sharp misery had worn him to the bones:
And in his needy shop a tortoise hung,
An alligator stuff'd, and other skins
Of ill-shaped fishes; and about his shelves
A beggarly account of empty boxes,
Green earthen pots, bladders and musty seeds,
Remnants of packthread and old cakes of roses,
Were thinly scatter'd, to make up a show.
Noting this penury, to myself I said
'An if a man did need a poison now,
Whose sale is present death in Mantua,
Here lives a caitiff wretch would sell it him.'
O, this same thought did but forerun my need;
And this same needy man must sell it me.
As I remember, this should be the house.
Being holiday, the beggar's shop is shut.
What, ho! apothecary!

Enter Apothecary

Apothecary

Who calls so loud?

ROMEO

Come hither, man. I see that thou art poor:
Hold, there is forty ducats: let me have
A dram of poison, such soon-speeding gear
As will disperse itself through all the veins
That the life-weary taker may fall dead
And that the trunk may be discharged of breath
As violently as hasty powder fired
Doth hurry from the fatal cannon's womb.

Apothecary

Such mortal drugs I have; but Mantua's law
Is death to any he that utters them.

ROMEO

Art thou so bare and full of wretchedness,
And fear'st to die? famine is in thy cheeks,
Need and oppression starveth in thine eyes,
Contempt and beggary hangs upon thy back;
The world is not thy friend nor the world's law;
The world affords no law to make thee rich;
Then be not poor, but break it, and take this.

Apothecary

My poverty, but not my will, consents.

ROMEO

I pay thy poverty, and not thy will.

Apothecary

Put this in any liquid thing you will,
And drink it off; and, if you had the strength
Of twenty men, it would dispatch you straight.

ROMEO

There is thy gold, worse poison to men's souls,
Doing more murders in this loathsome world,
Than these poor compounds that thou mayst not sell.
I sell thee poison; thou hast sold me none.
Farewell: buy food, and get thyself in flesh.
Come, cordial and not poison, go with me
To Juliet's grave; for there must I use thee.

Exeunt

SCENE II. Friar Laurence's cell.

Enter FRIAR JOHN

FRIAR JOHN

Holy Franciscan friar! brother, ho!

Enter FRIAR LAURENCE

FRIAR LAURENCE

This same should be the voice of Friar John.
Welcome from Mantua: what says Romeo?
Or, if his mind be writ, give me his letter.

FRIAR JOHN

Going to find a bare-foot brother out
One of our order, to associate me,
Here in this city visiting the sick,
And finding him, the searchers of the town,
Suspecting that we both were in a house
Where the infectious pestilence did reign,
Seal'd up the doors, and would not let us forth;
So that my speed to Mantua there was stay'd.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Who bare my letter, then, to Romeo?

FRIAR JOHN

I could not send it,--here it is again,--
Nor get a messenger to bring it thee,
So fearful were they of infection.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Unhappy fortune! by my brotherhood,
The letter was not nice but full of charge
Of dear import, and the neglecting it
May do much danger. Friar John, go hence;
Get me an iron crow, and bring it straight
Unto my cell.

FRIAR JOHN

Brother, I'll go and bring it thee.

Exit

FRIAR LAURENCE

Now must I to the monument alone;
Within three hours will fair Juliet wake:
She will beshrew me much that Romeo
Hath had no notice of these accidents;
But I will write again to Mantua,
And keep her at my cell till Romeo come;
Poor living corse, closed in a dead man's tomb!

Exit

SCENE III. A churchyard; in it a tomb belonging to the Capulets.

Enter PARIS, and his Page bearing flowers and a torch

PARIS

Give me thy torch, boy: hence, and stand aloof:
Yet put it out, for I would not be seen.
Under yond yew-trees lay thee all along,
Holding thine ear close to the hollow ground;
So shall no foot upon the churchyard tread,
Being loose, unfirm, with digging up of graves,
But thou shalt hear it: whistle then to me,
As signal that thou hear'st something approach.
Give me those flowers. Do as I bid thee, go.

PAGE

[Aside] I am almost afraid to stand alone
Here in the churchyard; yet I will adventure.

Retires

PARIS

Sweet flower, with flowers thy bridal bed I strew,--
O woe! thy canopy is dust and stones;--
Which with sweet water nightly I will dew,
Or, wanting that, with tears distill'd by moans:
The obsequies that I for thee will keep
Nightly shall be to strew thy grave and weep.

The Page whistles
The boy gives warning something doth approach.
What cursed foot wanders this way to-night,
To cross my obsequies and true love's rite?
What with a torch! muffle me, night, awhile.

Retires

Enter ROMEO and BALTHASAR, with a torch, mattock, & c

ROMEO

Give me that mattock and the wrenching iron.
Hold, take this letter; early in the morning
See thou deliver it to my lord and father.
Give me the light: upon thy life, I charge thee,
Whate'er thou hear'st or seest, stand all aloof,
And do not interrupt me in my course.
Why I descend into this bed of death,
Is partly to behold my lady's face;
But chiefly to take thence from her dead finger
A precious ring, a ring that I must use
In dear employment: therefore hence, be gone:
But if thou, jealous, dost return to pry
In what I further shall intend to do,
By heaven, I will tear thee joint by joint
And strew this hungry churchyard with thy limbs:
The time and my intents are savage-wild,
More fierce and more inexorable far
Than empty tigers or the roaring sea.

BALTHASAR

I will be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

ROMEO

So shalt thou show me friendship. Take thou that:
Live, and be prosperous: and farewell, good fellow.

BALTHASAR

[Aside] For all this same, I'll hide me hereabout:
His looks I fear, and his intents I doubt.

Retires

ROMEO

Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death,
Gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth,
Thus I enforce thy rotten jaws to open,
And, in despite, I'll cram thee with more food!

Opens the tomb

PARIS

This is that banish'd haughty Montague,
That murder'd my love's cousin, with which grief,
It is supposed, the fair creature died;
And here is come to do some villanous shame
To the dead bodies: I will apprehend him.

Comes forward
Stop thy unhallow'd toil, vile Montague!
Can vengeance be pursued further than death?
Condemned villain, I do apprehend thee:
Obey, and go with me; for thou must die.

ROMEO

I must indeed; and therefore came I hither.
Good gentle youth, tempt not a desperate man;
Fly hence, and leave me: think upon these gone;
Let them affright thee. I beseech thee, youth,
Put not another sin upon my head,
By urging me to fury: O, be gone!
By heaven, I love thee better than myself;
For I come hither arm'd against myself:
Stay not, be gone; live, and hereafter say,
A madman's mercy bade thee run away.

PARIS

I do defy thy conjurations,
And apprehend thee for a felon here.

ROMEO

Wilt thou provoke me? then have at thee, boy!

They fight

PAGE

O Lord, they fight! I will go call the watch.

Exit

PARIS

O, I am slain!

Falls
If thou be merciful,
Open the tomb, lay me with Juliet.

Dies

ROMEO

In faith, I will. Let me peruse this face.
Mercutio's kinsman, noble County Paris!
What said my man, when my betossed soul
Did not attend him as we rode? I think
He told me Paris should have married Juliet:
Said he not so? or did I dream it so?
Or am I mad, hearing him talk of Juliet,
To think it was so? O, give me thy hand,
One writ with me in sour misfortune's book!
I'll bury thee in a triumphant grave;
A grave? O no! a lantern, slaughter'd youth,
For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes
This vault a feasting presence full of light.
Death, lie thou there, by a dead man interr'd.

Laying PARIS in the tomb
How oft when men are at the point of death
Have they been merry! which their keepers call
A lightning before death: O, how may I
Call this a lightning? O my love! my wife!
Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath,
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty:
Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,
And death's pale flag is not advanced there.
Tybalt, liest thou there in thy bloody sheet?
O, what more favour can I do to thee,
Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain
To sunder his that was thine enemy?
Forgive me, cousin! Ah, dear Juliet,
Why art thou yet so fair? shall I believe
That unsubstantial death is amorous,
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?
For fear of that, I still will stay with thee;
And never from this palace of dim night
Depart again: here, here will I remain
With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here
Will I set up my everlasting rest,
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars
From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here's to my love!

Drinks
O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.

Dies

Enter, at the other end of the churchyard, FRIAR LAURENCE, with a lantern, crow, and spade

FRIAR LAURENCE

Saint Francis be my speed! how oft to-night
Have my old feet stumbled at graves! Who's there?

BALTHASAR

Here's one, a friend, and one that knows you well.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Bliss be upon you! Tell me, good my friend,
What torch is yond, that vainly lends his light
To grubs and eyeless skulls? as I discern,
It burneth in the Capel's monument.

BALTHASAR

It doth so, holy sir; and there's my master,
One that you love.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Who is it?

BALTHASAR

Romeo.

FRIAR LAURENCE

How long hath he been there?

BALTHASAR

Full half an hour.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Go with me to the vault.

BALTHASAR

I dare not, sir
My master knows not but I am gone hence;
And fearfully did menace me with death,
If I did stay to look on his intents.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Stay, then; I'll go alone. Fear comes upon me:
O, much I fear some ill unlucky thing.

BALTHASAR

As I did sleep under this yew-tree here,
I dreamt my master and another fought,
And that my master slew him.

FRIAR LAURENCE

Romeo!

Advances
Alack, alack, what blood is this, which stains
The stony entrance of this sepulchre?
What mean these masterless and gory swords
To lie discolour'd by this place of peace?

Enters the tomb
Romeo! O, pale! Who else? what, Paris too?
And steep'd in blood? Ah, what an unkind hour
Is guilty of this lamentable chance!
The lady stirs.

JULIET wakes

JULIET

O comfortable friar! where is my lord?
I do remember well where I should be,
And there I am. Where is my Romeo?

Noise within

FRIAR LAURENCE

I hear some noise. Lady, come from that nest
Of death, contagion, and unnatural sleep:
A greater power than we can contradict
Hath thwarted our intents. Come, come away.
Thy husband in thy bosom there lies dead;
And Paris too. Come, I'll dispose of thee
Among a sisterhood of holy nuns:
Stay not to question, for the watch is coming;
Come, go, good Juliet,

Noise again
I dare no longer stay.

JULIET

Go, get thee hence, for I will not away.

Exit FRIAR LAURENCE
What's here? a cup, closed in my true love's hand?
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:
O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop
To help me after? I will kiss thy lips;
Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,
To make die with a restorative.

Kisses him
Thy lips are warm.

First Watchman

[Within] Lead, boy: which way?

JULIET

Yea, noise? then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!

Snatching ROMEO's dagger
This is thy sheath;

Stabs herself
there rust, and let me die.

Falls on ROMEO's body, and dies

Enter Watch, with the Page of PARIS

PAGE

This is the place; there, where the torch doth burn.

First Watchman

The ground is bloody; search about the churchyard:
Go, some of you, whoe'er you find attach.
Pitiful sight! here lies the county slain,
And Juliet bleeding, warm, and newly dead,
Who here hath lain these two days buried.
Go, tell the prince: run to the Capulets:
Raise up the Montagues: some others search:
We see the ground whereon these woes do lie;
But the true ground of all these piteous woes
We cannot without circumstance descry.

Re-enter some of the Watch, with BALTHASAR

Second Watchman

Here's Romeo's man; we found him in the churchyard.

First Watchman

Hold him in safety, till the prince come hither.

Re-enter others of the Watch, with FRIAR LAURENCE

Third Watchman

Here is a friar, that trembles, sighs and weeps:
We took this mattock and this spade from him,
As he was coming from this churchyard side.

First Watchman

A great suspicion: stay the friar too.

Enter the PRINCE and Attendants

PRINCE

What misadventure is so early up,
That calls our person from our morning's rest?

Enter CAPULET, LADY CAPULET, and others

CAPULET

What should it be, that they so shriek abroad?

LADY CAPULET

The people in the street cry Romeo,
Some Juliet, and some Paris; and all run,
With open outcry toward our monument.

PRINCE

What fear is this which startles in our ears?

First Watchman

Sovereign, here lies the County Paris slain;
And Romeo dead; and Juliet, dead before,
Warm and new kill'd.

PRINCE

Search, seek, and know how this foul murder comes.

First Watchman

Here is a friar, and slaughter'd Romeo's man;
With instruments upon them, fit to open
These dead men's tombs.

CAPULET

O heavens! O wife, look how our daughter bleeds!
This dagger hath mista'en--for, lo, his house
Is empty on the back of Montague,--
And it mis-sheathed in my daughter's bosom!

LADY CAPULET

O me! this sight of death is as a bell,
That warns my old age to a sepulchre.

Enter MONTAGUE and others

PRINCE

Come, Montague; for thou art early up,
To see thy son and heir more early down.

MONTAGUE

Alas, my liege, my wife is dead to-night;
Grief of my son's exile hath stopp'd her breath:
What further woe conspires against mine age?

PRINCE

Look, and thou shalt see.

MONTAGUE

O thou untaught! what manners is in this?
To press before thy father to a grave?

PRINCE

Seal up the mouth of outrage for a while,
Till we can clear these ambiguities,
And know their spring, their head, their
true descent;
And then will I be general of your woes,
And lead you even to death: meantime forbear,
And let mischance be slave to patience.
Bring forth the parties of suspicion.

FRIAR LAURENCE

I am the greatest, able to do least,
Yet most suspected, as the time and place
Doth make against me of this direful murder;
And here I stand, both to impeach and purge
Myself condemned and myself excused.

PRINCE

Then say at once what thou dost know in this.

FRIAR LAURENCE

I will be brief, for my short date of breath
Is not so long as is a tedious tale.
Romeo, there dead, was husband to that Juliet;
And she, there dead, that Romeo's faithful wife:
I married them; and their stol'n marriage-day
Was Tybalt's dooms-day, whose untimely death
Banish'd the new-made bridegroom from the city,
For whom, and not for Tybalt, Juliet pined.
You, to remove that siege of grief from her,
Betroth'd and would have married her perforce
To County Paris: then comes she to me,
And, with wild looks, bid me devise some mean
To rid her from this second marriage,
Or in my cell there would she kill herself.
Then gave I her, so tutor'd by my art,
A sleeping potion; which so took effect
As I intended, for it wrought on her
The form of death: meantime I writ to Romeo,
That he should hither come as this dire night,
To help to take her from her borrow'd grave,
Being the time the potion's force should cease.
But he which bore my letter, Friar John,
Was stay'd by accident, and yesternight
Return'd my letter back. Then all alone
At the prefixed hour of her waking,
Came I to take her from her kindred's vault;
Meaning to keep her closely at my cell,
Till I conveniently could send to Romeo:
But when I came, some minute ere the time
Of her awaking, here untimely lay
The noble Paris and true Romeo dead.
She wakes; and I entreated her come forth,
And bear this work of heaven with patience:
But then a noise did scare me from the tomb;
And she, too desperate, would not go with me,
But, as it seems, did violence on herself.
All this I know; and to the marriage
Her nurse is privy: and, if aught in this
Miscarried by my fault, let my old life
Be sacrificed, some hour before his time,
Unto the rigour of severest law.

PRINCE

We still have known thee for a holy man.
Where's Romeo's man? what can he say in this?

BALTHASAR

I brought my master news of Juliet's death;
And then in post he came from Mantua
To this same place, to this same monument.
This letter he early bid me give his father,
And threatened me with death, going in the vault,
I departed not and left him there.

PRINCE

Give me the letter; I will look on it.
Where is the county's page, that raised the watch?
Sirrah, what made your master in this place?

PAGE

He came with flowers to strew his lady's grave;
And bid me stand aloof, and so I did:
Anon comes one with light to ope the tomb;
And by and by my master drew on him;
And then I ran away to call the watch.

PRINCE

This letter doth make good the friar's words,
Their course of love, the tidings of her death:
And here he writes that he did buy a poison
Of a poor 'pothecary, and therewithal
Came to this vault to die, and lie with Juliet.
Where be these enemies? Capulet! Montague!
See, what a scourge is laid upon your hate,
That heaven finds means to kill your joys with love.
And I for winking at your discords too
Have lost a brace of kinsmen: all are punish'd.

CAPULET

O brother Montague, give me thy hand:
This is my daughter's jointure, for no more
Can I demand.

MONTAGUE

But I can give thee more:
For I will raise her statue in pure gold;
That while Verona by that name is known,
There shall no figure at such rate be set
As that of true and faithful Juliet.

CAPULET

As rich shall Romeo's by his lady's lie;
Poor sacrifices of our enmity!

PRINCE

A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
Some shall be pardon'd, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

Exeunt



Et tu, zra? Ibem re: adam.


Hey zra,
You know that Tipper and I were the inspiration for Romeo and Juliet.


Tip and I were also the "Love Story" insipiration. I sure could play hockey in those days.
Think I'll come up to Duluth for some pick games and kick some DFL ass!
Al



EDGEWAYS,

You jest ?

RealClimate and the UCS !?

The long ago discredited M.Mann and his phony "hockey stick" and the UCS, where to begin with them.

The UCS is a left-wing group whose opinions are dubious at best because members are far from qaulified to speak unless you count "social sciences" as experts.

The IPCC !? Ha! I`ve already stated there is no such thing as consensus science along with the fact that the 2007 IPCC Summary for Policy Makers (pols) was released before the report itself so that " Changes (other than grammatical or minor editorial changes) made after acceptance by the Working Group or the Panel shall be those necessary to ensure consistency with the Summary for Policymakers or the Overview Chapter. See Appendix A to the Principles Governing IPCC Work, p4/15 "
They released the IPCC's the political conclusions first, and then will adjust the actual science to fit them.

Hundreds of Scientists Have Published Evidence Countering Man-Made Global Warming Fears

http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/news_press_release,176495.shtml

M.Mann, the UCS, the biased IPCC, loaded CGM pre-programmed to produce junk, etc, etc, stacked against hard facts equals you just got skunked.


Personal, I think you all are being a bunch of babies about this! But I suppose I shouldn't expect anything more from Gore supporters... Spring has a right to state his opinion (and the truth). I think the only thing that Spring did wrong was apologize. Do you people have nothing better to do than rip on a guy that's just stating his opinion? Get over it!


Personal, I think you all are being a bunch of babies about this! But I suppose I shouldn't expect anything more from Gore supporters... Spring has a right to state his opinion (and the truth). I think the only thing that Spring did wrong was apologize. Do you people have nothing better to do than rip on a guy that's just stating his opinion? Get over it!


Oh, and I also think its hilarious how hypocritical you all are! You people are making comments the far surpass Karl Springs in lack of tact.
Maybe everybody should start judging themselves more and others less.


You're right, a, we're all horrible people. Sorry.


A spokesman for Al Gore has issued a questionable response to the news that in October 2007 the High Court in London had identified nine “errors” in his movie An Inconvenient Truth. The judge had stated that, if the UK Government had not agreed to send to every secondary school in England a corrected guidance note making clear the mainstream scientific position on these nine “errors”, he would have made a finding that the Government’s distribution of the film and the first draft of the guidance note earlier in 2007 to all English secondary schools had been an unlawful contravention of an Act of Parliament prohibiting the political indoctrination of children.


Al Gore’s spokesman and “environment advisor,” Ms. Kalee Kreider, begins by saying that the film presented “thousands and thousands of facts.” It did not: just 2,000 “facts” in 93 minutes would have been one fact every three seconds. The film contained only a few dozen points, most of which will be seen to have been substantially inaccurate. The judge concentrated only on nine points which even the UK Government, to which Gore is a climate-change advisor, had to admit did not represent mainstream scientific opinion.

Ms. Kreider then states, incorrectly, that the judge himself had never used the term “errors.” In fact, the judge used the term “errors,” in inverted commas, throughout his judgment.

Next, Ms. Kreider makes some unjustifiable ad hominem attacks on Mr. Stewart Dimmock, the lorry driver, school governor and father of two school-age children who was the plaintiff in the case. This memorandum, however, will eschew any ad hominem response, and will concentrate exclusively on the 35 scientific inaccuracies and exaggerations in Gore’s movie.

Ms. Kreider then says, “The process of creating a 90-minute documentary from the original peer-reviewed science for an audience of moviegoers in the U.S. and around the world is complex.” However, the single web-page entitled “The Science” on the movie’s official website contains only two references to articles in the peer-reviewed scientific journals. There is also a reference to a document of the IPCC, but its documents are not independently peer-reviewed in the usual understanding of the term.

Ms. Kreider then says, “The judge stated clearly that he was not attempting to perform an analysis of the scientific questions in his ruling.” He did not need to. Each of the nine “errors” which he identified had been admitted by the UK Government to be inconsistent with the mainstream of scientific opinion.

Ms. Kreider says the IPCC’s results are sometimes “conservative,” and continues: “Vice President Gore tried to convey in good faith those threats that he views as the most serious.” Readers of the long list of errors described in this memorandum will decide for themselves whether Mr. Gore was acting in good faith. However, in this connection it is significant that each of the 35 errors listed below misstates the conclusions of the scientific literature or states that there is a threat where there is none or exaggerates the threat where there may be one. All of the errors point in one direction – towards undue alarmism. Not one of the errors falls in the direction of underestimating the degree of concern in the scientific community. The likelihood that all 35 of the errors listed below could have fallen in one direction purely by inadvertence is less than 1 in 34 billion.

We now itemize 35 of the scientific errors and exaggerations in Al Gore’s movie. The first nine were listed by the judge in the High Court in London in October 2007 as being “errors.” The remaining 26 errors are just as inaccurate or exaggerated as the nine spelt out by the judge, who made it plain during the proceedings that the Court had not had time to consider more than these few errors. The judge found these errors serious enough to require the UK Government to pay substantial costs to the plaintiff.


ERROR 1

Sea level "rising 6 m"

Gore says that a sea-level rise of up to 6 m (20 ft) will be caused by melting of either West Antarctica or Greenland. Though Gore does not say that the sea-level rise will occur in the near future, the judge found that, in the context, it was clear that this is what he had meant, since he showed expensive graphical representations of the effect of his imagined 6 m (20 ft) sea-level rise on existing populations, and he quantified the numbers who would be displaced by the sea-level rise.

The IPCC says sea-level increases up to 7 m (23 ft) above today’s levels have happened naturally in the past climate, and would only be likely to happen again after several millennia. In the next 100 years, according to calculations based on figures in the IPCC’s 2007 report, these two ice sheets between them will add a little over 6 cm (2.5 inches) to sea level, not 6 m (this figure of 6 cm is 15% of the IPCC’s total central estimate of a 43 cm or 1 ft 5 in sea-level rise over the next century). Gore has accordingly exaggerated the official sea-level estimate by approaching 10,000 per cent.

Ms. Kreider says the IPCC estimates a sea-level rise of “59 cm” by 2100. She fails to point out that this amounts to less than 2 ft, not the 20 ft imagined by Gore. She also fails to point out that this is the IPCC’s upper estimate, on its most extreme scenario. And she fails to state that the IPCC, faced with a stream of peer-reviewed articles stating that sea-level rise is not a threat, has reduced this upper estimate from 3 ft in 2001 to less than 2 ft (i.e. half the mean centennial sea-level rise that has occurred since the end of the last Ice Age 10,000 years ago) in 2007.

Ms. Kreider says the IPCC’s 2007 sea-level calculations excluded contributions from Greenland and West Antarctica because they could not be quantified. However, Table SPM1 of the 2007 report quantifies the contributions of these two ice-sheets to sea-level rise as representing about 15% of the total change.

The report also mentions the possibility that there may be an unquantified further contribution in future from these two ice sheets arising from “dynamical ice flow.” However, the Greenland ice sheet rests in a depression in the bedrock created by its own weight, wherefore “dynamical ice flow” is impossible, and the IPCC says that temperature would have to be sustained at more than 5.5 degrees C above its present level for several millennia before half the Greenland ice sheet could melt, causing sea level to rise by some 3 m (10 ft).

Finally, the IPCC’s 2007 report estimates that the likelihood that humankind is having any influence on sea level at all is little better than 50:50.

The judge was accordingly correct in finding that Gore’s presentation of the imagined imminent threat of a 6 m (20 ft) sea-level rise, with his account of the supposed impact on the present-day populations of Manhattan, the Netherlands, Bangladesh, etc., etc, was not a correct statement of the mainstream science on this question.



ERROR 2

Pacific islands "drowning"



Gore says low-lying inhabited Pacific coral atolls are already being inundated because of anthropogenic global warming, leading to the evacuation of several island populations to New Zealand. However, the atolls are not being inundated, except where dynamiting of reefs or over-extraction of fresh water by local populations has caused damage.

Furthermore, corals can grow at ten times the predicted rate of increase in sea level. It is not by some accident or coincidence that so many atolls reach just a few feet above the ocean surface.

Ms. Kreider says, “The IPCC estimates that 150 million environmental refugees could exist by the year 2050, due mainly to the effects of coastal flooding, shoreline erosion and agricultural disruption.” However, the IPCC cannot be basing its estimate on sea-level rise, since even its maximum projected rise of just 30 cm (1 ft) by 2050 would not cause significant coastal flooding or shoreline erosion. There are several coastlines (the east coast of England, for instance) where the land is sinking as a consequence of post-ice-age isostatic recovery, or where (as in Bangladesh) tectonic subduction is similarly causing the land to sink. But such natural causes owe nothing to sea-level rise.

There have been no mass evacuations of populations of islanders as suggested by Gore, though some residents of Tuvalu have asked to be moved to New Zealand, even though the tide-gauges maintained until recently by the National Tidal Facility of Australia show a mean annual sea-level rise over the past half-century equivalent to the thickness of a human hair. The problem with the Carteret Islands, mentioned by Ms. Kreider, arose not because of rising sea levels but because of imprudent dynamiting of the reefs by local fishermen.

In the Maldives, a detailed recent study showed that sea levels were unchanged today compared with 1250 years ago, though they have been higher in much of the intervening period, and have very seldom been lower.

A well-established tree very close to the Maldivian shoreline and only inches above sea level was recently uprooted by Australian environmentalists anxious to destroy this visible proof that sea level cannot have risen very far.



ERROR 3

Thermohaline circulation "stopping"


Gore says “global warming” may shut down the thermohaline circulation in the oceans, which he calls the “ocean conveyor,” plunging Europe into an ice age. It will not. A paper published in 2006 says: “Analyses of ocean observations and model simulations suggest that changes in the thermohaline circulation during the last century are likely the result of natural multidecadal climate variability. Indications of a sustained thermohaline circulation weakening are not seen during the last few decades. Instead, a strengthening since the 1980s is observed.”

Ms. Kreider, for Mr. Gore, says that “multiple scientists” have claimed that we cannot exclude the possibility of the disruption or shutdown of the Conveyor. Disruption, perhaps: shutdown, no. It is now near-universally accepted that the thermohaline circulation cannot be and will not be shut down by “global warming,” and the film should have been corrected to reflect the consensus.


ERROR 4

CO2 "driving temperature"


Gore says that in each of the last four interglacial warm periods it was changes in carbon dioxide concentration that caused changes in temperature. It was the other way about. Changes in temperature preceded changes in CO2 concentration by between 800 and 2800 years, as scientific papers including the paper on which Gore’s film had relied had made clear.

Ms. Kreider says it is true that “greenhouse gas levels and temperature changes in the ice signals have a complicated relationship but they do fit.” This does not address Gore’s error at all. The judge found that Gore had very clearly implied that it was changes in carbon dioxide concentration that had led to changes in temperature in the palaeoclimate, when the scientific literature is unanimous (save only for a single paper by James Hansen, whom Gore trusts) to the effect that the relationship was in fact the other way about, with a carbon dioxide feedback contributing only a comparatively insignificant further increase to temperature after the temperature change had itself initiated a change in carbon dioxide concentration.

The significance of this error was explained during the court proceedings, and was accepted by the judge. Gore says that the 100 ppmv difference between carbon dioxide concentrations during ice-age temperature minima and interglacial temperature maxima represents “the difference between a nice day and a mile of ice above your head.” This would imply a CO2 effect on temperature about 10 times greater than that regarded as plausible by the consensus of mainstream scientific opinion (see Error 10).

Ms. Kreider refers readers to a “more complete description” available at a website maintained by, among others, two of the three authors of the now-discredited “hockey stick” graph that falsely attempted to abolish the Mediaeval Warm Period. The National Academy of Sciences in the US had found that graph to have “a validation skill not significantly different from zero” – i.e., the graph was useless.



ERROR 5

Snows of Kilimanjaro "melting"



Gore says “global warming” has been melting the snows of Mount Kilimanjaro in Africa. It is not.

The melting of the Furtwangler Glacier at the summit of the mountain began 125 years ago. More of the glacier had melted before Hemingway wrote The Snows of Kilimanjaro in 1936 than afterward.

Temperature at the summit never rises above freezing and is at an average of –7 Celsius. The cause of the melting is long-term climate shifts exacerbated by imprudent regional deforestation, and has nothing to do with “global warming.”

Ms. Kreider says, “Every tropical glacier for which we have documented evidence shows that glaciers are retreating.” However, a recent survey of the glaciers in the tropical Andes shows that they were largely ice-free in the past 10,000 years, except on the very highest peaks. The mere fact of warming or melting, therefore, tells us nothing of the cause.

Ms. Kreider says, “Global warming exacerbates the stresses that ecosystems (and humans) are already experiencing.” However, since the temperature at the summit of Kilimanjaro remains below freezing and has not risen in 30 years, “global warming” is not “exacerbating the stresses” at the summit of Kilimanjaro.



ERROR 6

Lake Chad "drying up"


Gore says “global warming” dried up Lake Chad in Africa. It did not. Over-extraction of water and changing agricultural patterns dried the lake, which was also dry in 8500BC, 5500BC, 1000BC and 100BC. Ms. Kreider says, “There are multiple stresses upon Lake Chad.” However, the scientific consensus is that at present those “stresses” do not include “global warming.”



ERROR 7

Hurricane Katrina "man made"



Gore says Hurricane Katrina, that devastated New Orleans in 2005, was caused by “global warming.” It was not. It was caused by the failure of Gore’s party, in the administration of New Orleans, to heed 30 years of warnings by the Corps of Engineers that the levees – dams that kept New Orleans dry – could not stand a direct hit by a hurricane. Katrina was only Category 3 when it struck the levees. They failed, as the Engineers had said they would. Gore’s party, not “global warming,” was to blame for the consequent death and destruction.

Ms. Kreider says, “Mr. Gore has never addressed the issue of climate change and hurricane frequency.” What Gore actually says, however, addresses the frequency not only of hurricanes but also of typhoons and tornadoes –


“We have seen in the last couple of years, a lot of big hurricanes. Hurricanes Jean, Francis and Ivan were among them. In the same year we had that string of big hurricanes; we also set an all time record for tornadoes in the United States. Japan again didn’t get as much attention in our news media, but they set an all time record for typhoons. The previous record was seven. Here are all ten of the ones they had in 2004.”


For the record, however, the number of Atlantic hurricanes shows no trend over the past half century; the number of typhoons has fallen throughout the past 30 years; the number of tornadoes has risen only because of better detection systems for smaller tornadoes; but the number of larger tornadoes in the US has fallen.




ERROR 8

Polar bear "dying"



Gore says a scientific study shows that polar bears are being killed swimming long distances to find ice that has melted away because of “global warming.” They are not. The study, by Monnett & Gleason (2005), mentioned just four dead bears. They had died in an exceptional storm, with high winds and waves in the Beaufort Sea. The amount of sea ice in the Beaufort Sea has grown over the past 30 years. A report for the World Wide Fund for Nature shows that polar bears, which are warm-blooded, have grown in numbers where temperature has increased, and have become fewer where temperature has fallen. Polar bears evolved from brown bears 200,000 years ago, and survived the last interglacial period, when global temperature was 5 degrees Celsius warmer than the present and there was probably no Arctic ice-cap at all. The real threat to polar bears is not “global warming” but hunting. In 1940, there were just 5,000 polar bears worldwide. Now that hunting is controlled, there are 25,000.

Ms. Kreider says sea-ice “was the lowest ever measured for minimum extent in 2007.” She does not say that the measurements, which are done by satellite, go back only 29 years. She does not say that the North-West Passage, a good proxy for Arctic sea-ice extent, was open to shipping in 1945, or that Amundsen passed through in a sailing vessel in 1903.


ERROR 9

Coral reefs "bleaching"



Gore says coral reefs are “bleaching” because of “global warming.” They are not. There was some bleaching in 1998, but this was caused by the exceptional El Nino Southern Oscillation that year. Two similarly severe El Ninos over the past 250 years also caused extensive bleaching. “Global warming” was nothing to do with it.

Ms. Kreider says, “The IPCC and other scientific bodies have long identified increases in ocean temperatures with the bleaching of coral reefs.” So they have: but the bleaching in 1998 occurred as a result not of “global warming” but of a rare, though not unique, severe El Nino Southern Oscillation.


ERROR 10

100 ppmv of CO2 "melting mile-thick ice"



Gore implies that the difference of just 100 parts per million by volume in CO2 concentration between an interglacial temperature maximum and an ice-age temperature minimum causes “the difference between a nice day and having a mile of ice above your head.” It does not. Gore’s implication has the effect of overstating the mainstream consensus estimate of the effect of CO2 on temperature at least tenfold.

Temperature changes by up to 12 degrees C between glacial minima and interglacial maxima, but CO2 concentration changes by no more than 100 ppmv. Gore is accordingly implying that 100 ppmv can cause a temperature increase of up to 12 degrees C. However, the consensus as expressed by the IPCC is that 100 ppmv of increased CO2 concentration, from 180 to 280 ppmv, would increase radiant energy flux in the atmosphere by 2.33 watts per square meter, or less than 1.2 degrees Celsius including the effect of temperature feedbacks.


ERROR 11

Hurricane Caterina "manmade"



Gore says that Hurricane Caterina, the only hurricane ever to strike the coast of Brazil, was caused by “global warming.” It was not. In 2004, Brazil’s summer sea surface temperatures were cooler than normal, not warmer. But air temperatures were the coldest in 25 years. The air was so much colder than the water that it caused a heat flux from the water to the air similar to that which fuels hurricanes in warm seas.



ERROR 12

Japanese typhoons "a new record"



Gore says that 2004 set a new record for the number of typhoons striking Japan. It did not. The trend in the number of typhoons, and of tropical cyclones, has fallen throughout the past 50 years. The trend in rainfall from cyclones has also fallen, and there has been no trend in monsoon rainfall.



ERROR 13

Hurricanes "getting stronger"



Gore says scientists had been giving warnings that hurricanes will get stronger because of “global warming.” They will not. Over the past 60 years there has been no change in the strength of hurricanes, even though hydrocarbon use went up six-fold in the same period. Research by Dr. Kerry Emanuel, cited by Ms. Kreider, has been discredited by more recent findings that wind-shear effects tend to nullify the amplification of hurricane strength which he had suggested, and, of course, by the observed failure of hurricanes to gain strength during the past 60 years of “global warming.”


ERROR 14

Big storm insurances losses "increasing"




Gore says insurance losses arising from large storms and other extreme-weather events are increasing, by implication because of “global warming.” They are not. Insured losses, as a percentage of the population of coastal areas in the path of hurricanes, were lower even in 2005 than they had been in 1925. In 2006, a very quiet hurricane season, Lloyds of London posted their biggest-ever profit: £3.6 billion.




ERROR 15

Mumbai "flooding"




Gore says flooding in Mumbai is increasing, by implication because of “global warming.” It is not. Rainfall trends at the two major weather stations in Mumbai show no increase in heavy rainfall over the past 48 years.



ERROR 16

Severe tornadoes "more frequent"



Gore says that 2004 set an all-time record for tornadoes in the US. More tornadoes are being reported because detection systems are better than they were. But the number of severe tornadoes has been falling for more than 50 years.




ERROR 17

The sun "heats the Arctic ocean"



Gore says that ice-melt allows the Sun to heat the Arctic Ocean, and a diagram shows the Sun’s rays heating it directly. It does not. The ocean emits radiant energy at the moment of absorption, and would freeze if there were no atmosphere. It is the atmosphere, not the Sun that warms the ocean. Also, Gore’s diagram confuses the tropopause with the ionosphere, and he makes a number of other errors indicating that he does not understand the elementary physics of radiative transfer.



ERROR 18

Arctic "warming fastest"



Gore says the Arctic has been warming faster than the rest of the planet. It is not. While it is in general true that during periods of warming (whether natural or anthropogenic) the Arctic will warm faster than other regions, Gore does not mention that the Arctic has been cooling over the past 60 years, and is now one degree Celsius cooler than it was in the 1940s. There was a record amount of snow cover in the Northern Hemisphere in 2001. Several vessels were icebound in the Arctic in the spring of 2007, but few newspapers reported this. The newspapers reported that the North-West Passage was free of ice in 2007, and said that this was for the first time since records began: but the records, taken by satellites, had only begun 29 years previously. The North-West Passage had also been open for shipping in 1945, and, in 1903, the great Norwegian explorer Amundsen had passed through it in a sailing ship.



ERROR 19

Greenland ice sheet "unstable"



Gore says “global warming” is making the Greenland ice sheet unstable. It is not. Greenland ice grows 2in a year. The Greenland ice sheet survived each of the previous three interglacial periods, each of which was 5 degrees Celsius warmer than the present. It survived atmospheric CO2 concentrations of up to 1000 ppmv (compared with today’s 400 ppmv). It last melted 850,000 years ago, when humankind did not exist and could not have caused the melting. There is a close correlation between variations in Solar activity and temperature anomalies in Greenland, but there is no correlation between variations in CO2 concentration and temperature changes in Greenland. The IPCC (2001) says that to melt even half the Greenland ice sheet would require temperature to rise by 5.5 degrees C and remain that high for several thousand years.


ERROR 20

Himalayan glacial melt waters "failing"



Gore says 40% of the world’s population get their water supply from Himalayan glacial melt waters that are failing because of “global warming.” They don’t and they are not. The water comes almost entirely from snow-melt, not from ice-melt. Over the past 40 years there has been no decline in the amount of snow-melt in Eurasia.



ERROR 21

Peruvian glaciers "disappearing"




Gore says that a Peruvian glacier is less extensive now than it was in the 1940s, implying that “global warming” is the cause. It is not. Except for the very highest peaks, the normal state of the Peruvian cordilleras has been ice-free throughout most of the past 10,000 years.


ERROR 22

Mountain glaciers worldwide "disappearing"



Gore says that “the ice has a story to tell, and it is worldwide.” He shows several before-and-after pictures of glaciers disappearing. However, the glacial melt began in the 1820s, long before humankind could have had any effect, and has continued at a uniform rate since, showing no acceleration since humankind began increasing the quantity of CO2 in the atmosphere. Total ice volumes in three of the last four Ice Ages were lower than they are today, and “global warming” had nothing to do with that.



ERROR 23

Sahara desert "drying"



Gore says terrible tragedies are occurring in the southern Sahara because of drought which he blames on “global warming.” There is no drought caused by “global warming.” In 2007 there were record rains across the whole of the southern Sahara. In the past 25 years the Sahara has shrunk by some 300,000 square kilometers because of additional rainfall. Some scientists think “global warming” may actually mitigate pre-existing droughts because there will be more water vapor in the atmosphere. Before 1200 AD there were frequent, prolonged and severe droughts in the Great Plains. Since 1200 AD, there has been more rainfall. Likewise, the US has had more rainfall since the 1950s than it had in the earlier part of the 20th Century, when the great droughts which were then common were described by John Steinbeck in The Grapes of Wrath. South African rainfall was also more stable in the second half of the 20th Century, when human effect on climate is said to have become significant, than in the first half.



ERROR 24

West Antarctic ice sheet "unstable"



Gore says disturbing changes have been measured under the West Antarctic ice sheet, implicitly because of “global warming.” Yet most of the recession in this ice sheet over the past 10,000 years has occurred in the absence of any sea-level or temperature forcing. In most of Antarctica, the ice is in fact growing thicker. Mean Antarctic temperature has actually fallen throughout the past half-century. In some Antarctic glens, environmental damage has been caused by temperature decreases of up to 2 degrees Celsius. Antarctic sea-ice spread to a 30-year record extent in late 2007.



ERROR 25

Antarctic Peninsula ice shelves "breaking up"




Gore says half a dozen ice shelves each “larger than Rhode Island” have broken up and vanished from the Antarctic Peninsula recently, implicitly because of “global warming.” Global warming is unlikely to have been the cause. Gore does not explain that the ice shelves have melted before, as studies of seabed sediments have shown. The Antarctic Peninsula accounts for about 2% of the continent, in most of which the ice is growing thicker. All the recently-melted shelves, added together, amount to an area less than one-fifty-fifth the size of Texas.



ERROR 26

Larsen B Ice Shelf "broke up because of

'global warming'"



Gore focuses on the Larsen B ice shelf, saying that it completely disappeared in 35 days. Yet there has been extensive ice-shelf break-up throughout the past 10,000 years, and the maximum ice-shelf extent may have been in the Little Ice Age in the late 15th century.


ERROR 27

Mosquitoes "climbing to higher altitudes"



Gore says that, because of “global warming”, mosquitoes are climbing to higher altitudes. They are not. Most recent outbreaks have been at lower levels than those of a century and more ago. He says that Nairobi was founded 1000 m above sea level so as to be above the mosquito line. It was not. In the period before anthropogenic warming could have had any significant effect, there were ten malaria outbreaks in Nairobi, one of which reached as far up as Eldoret, almost 3000 m above sea level. Malaria is not a tropical disease. Mosquitoes do not need tropical temperatures: they need no more than 15 degrees Celsius to breed. The largest malaria outbreak of modern times was in Siberia in the 1920s and 1930s, when 13 million were infected, 600,000 died and 30,000 died as far north as Arkhangelsk, on the Arctic Circle. There is no reason to suppose that malaria will spread even if the climate continues to become warmer.


ERROR 28

Many tropical diseases "spread through

'global warming'"



Gore says that, as well as malaria, “global warming” is spreading dengue fever, Lyme disease, West Nile virus, arena virus, avian flu, Ebola virus, E. Coli 0157:H7, Hanta virus, legionella, leptospirosis, multi-drug-resistant TB, Nipah virus, SARS and Vibrio Cholerae 0139. It is doing no such thing. Only the first four diseases are insect-borne, but none is tropical. Of the other diseases named by Gore either in his film or in the accompanying book, not one is sensitive to increasing temperature. They are spread not by warmer weather but by rats, chickens, primates, pigs, poor hygiene, ill-maintained air conditioning, or cold weather.



ERROR 29

West Nile virus in the US "spread through

'global warming'"



Gore says that West Nile virus spread throughout the US in just two years, implicitly because of “global warming.” It did not. The climate in the US ranges from some of the world’s hottest deserts to some of its iciest tundra. West Nile virus flourishes in any climate. Warming of the climate, however caused, does not affect its incidence or prevalence.



ERROR 30

Carbon dioxide is "pollution"



Gore describes carbon dioxide as “global warming pollution.” It is not. It is food for plants and trees. Tests have shown that even at concentrations 30 times those of the present day even the most delicate plants flourish. Well-managed forests, such as those of the United States, are growing at record rates because the extra carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is feeding the trees. Carbon dioxide, in geological timescale, is at a very low concentration at present. Half a billion years ago it was at 7000 parts per million by volume, about 18 times today’s concentration.



ERROR 31

The European heat wave of 2003 "killed 35,000"



Gore says, “A couple of years ago in Europe they had that heat wave that killed 35,000.” Though some scientists agree with Gore, the scientific consensus is that extreme warm anomalies more unusual than the 2003 heat wave occur regularly; extreme cold anomalies also occur regularly; El Niño and volcanism appear to be of much greater importance than any general warming trend; and there is little evidence that regional heat or cold waves are significantly increasing or decreasing with time. In general, warm is better than cold, which is why the largest number of life-forms are in the tropics and the least number are at the poles. A cold snap in the winter following the European heat wave killed 20,000 in the UK alone. Though the IPCC says 150,000 people a year are being killed worldwide by “global warming,” it reaches this figure only by deliberately excluding the number of people who are not being killed because there is less cold weather. In the US alone, it has been estimated that 174,000 fewer people are being killed each year because there are fewer episodes of extreme cold.


ERROR 32

Pied flycatchers "cannot feed their young"



Gore says “The peak arrival date for migratory birds 25 years ago was April 25. Their chicks hatched on June 3, just at the time when the caterpillars were coming out: Nature’s plan. But 20 years of warming later the caterpillars peaked two weeks earlier. The chicks tried to catch up with it, but they couldn’t. So they are in trouble.” Yet adaptation is easy for the flycatchers: they merely fly a few tens of kilometers further north and they will find caterpillars hatching at the appropriate time. Besides, though Gore does not say so, what is bad news for the pied flycatchers is good news for the caterpillars, and for the butterflies they will become.



ERROR 33

Gore's bogus pictures and film footage



In the book accompanying Gore’s film, the story of the pied flycatchers and the caterpillars is accompanied by a picture of a bird feeding her hungry chicks. However, closer inspection shows that the bird is not a pied flycatcher but a black tern; and that she is not carrying a caterpillar in her beak, but a small fish. Gore similarly misuses spectacular footage of a glacier apparently calving off enormous slabs of ice into the sea – footage that is often shown on television to accompany stories about “global warming.” However, the glacier in question is one that is known to be advancing – and to be doing so more rapidly and more often than previously. It is in southern Argentina, where its snout crosses – and eventually dams, Lake Argentino. Water builds up behind the ice dam and eventually bursts it, causing the spectacular collapse of ice into the lake that is so misleadingly used as the iconic image of the effect of “global warming” on glaciers. The breaking of the ice dam used to occur every eight years or so: now, however, it occurs every five years, not because of “global warming” because of the regional cooling of the southern Atlantic.



ERROR 34

The Thames Barrier "closing more frequently"



Gore says that rising sea levels are compelling the operators of the Thames Barrier to close it more frequently than when it was first built. They are not. The barrier is indeed closed more frequently than when it was built, but the reason has nothing to do with “global warming” or rising sea levels. The reason is a change of policy by which the barrier is closed during exceptionally low tides, so as to retain water in the tidal Thames rather than keeping it out. Yet even the present leader of the official Opposition in the UK Parliament recently used a major speech as the opportunity to mention today’s more frequent closing of the Thames Barrier as though it were a matter of grave concern.



ERROR 35

"No fact...in dispute by anybody."




Gore says that his prediction that the atmospheric concentration of carbon dioxide will rise to more than 600 parts per million by volume as soon as 2050 is “not controversial in any way or in dispute by anybody.” However, not one of the half-dozen official projections of growth in CO2 concentration made by the IPCC shows as much as 600 parts per million by 2050.



Conclusion

35 serious scientific errors

As many as 35 serious scientific errors or exaggerations, all pointing towards invention of a threat that does not exist at all, or exaggerations of phenomena that do exist, do not reflect credit on the presenter of the movie or on those who advised him. The movie is unsuitable for showing to children, and provides no basis for taking policy decisions. Schools that have shown the movie to children are urged to ensure that the errors listed in this memorandum are drawn to the children’s attention.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[1] For a detailed discussion, see (http://scienceandpublicpolicy.org/sppi_originals/current_issues_in_climate_science_focus....html) and also (http://scienceandpublicpolicy.org/sppi_reprint_series/the_role_of_greenland_in_sea_level_rise....html)

[1] See (http://www.ff.org/centers/csspp/pdf/20060331_issues.pdf)

[1] See: (http://ff.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=336&Itemid=77)

[1] See discussion at: (http://www.ff.org/centers/csspp/pdf/Kiliman-MAC-4-8-04.pdf)

[1] For a serioius examination of this issue, see (http://scienceandpublicpolicy.org/sppi_reprint_series/polar_bears_of_western_hudson_bay_and....html)

[1] Are Coral Reefs Endangered by Global Warming? (http://ff.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=382&Itemid=77)

[1] For a discussion of future hurricane trends for Florida, see: (http://scienceandpublicpolicy.org/sppi_originals/current_issues_in_climate_science_focus_on....html)

[1] For an in depth look at these issues, see (http://scienceandpublicpolicy.org/originals/hurricanethreat.html)

[1] For a discussion of the sun’s role in climate, see (http://scienceandpublicpolicy.org/sppi_originals/the_unruly_sunne_cannot_be_ruled_out_as_a_cause....html)

[1] See: (http://scienceandpublicpolicy.org/sppi_originals/current_issues_in_climate_science_focus...html)

[1] For fuller discussion of Polar regions and Greenland, see: (http://scienceandpublicpolicy.org/sppi_originals/current_issues_in_climate_science_focus_on_the_poles.html)

[1] Discussion by world-class expert and IPCC reviewer: (http://ff.org/centers/csspp/pdf/reiter-climate-change-mbd.pdf)




Holy crap, The Beaver is still here? He must be on the payroll for some conservative think tank or Exxon/Mobil. I can't imagine putting this much time and effort into discrediting Al Gore unless I was getting paid. I mean I hate George W. Bush, but I wouldn't write a 20 page dissertation on a local blog discrediting him.

But I sure hope he sticks around after the interest in this topic dies down. He's kind of fun. You know in the way an inoperable brain tumor is fun.


Hey CHRISSY,

Don`t hate algore much like you neo-stalinists suffer BDS.

It was you yourself or some other apparatchik who attempted a lame sky-is-falling routine in regards to my evicerations of algore. Problem is, you`re wrong.

In the `30s it was the hysteria in the east of "science" that had "solved the problem of fertilizing the fields without fertilizers and minerals."

There was mass "scientific" hysteria at one time who trumpeted the new consensus including Theodore Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, and Winston Churchill, endorsed by the USSC, HG Wells, GB Shaw, funded by the Carnegie and Rockefeller Foundations,et,etc.

After that the hysteria adhered to by the elite in the 1960`s where billions of people would be wiped out.

Then yet another hysteria and the same chicken littles of the 1970`s warning of the imminent death of bilions.

So what were these false theories that fooled so many fools so many times?

Of course a walking automiton such as yourself does not know the answers because you are the Kool-Ade drinking propagandist who regurgitates the puke you swallow with glee.

The false "science" and chicken little hyterics were:

Lysenkoism

Eugenics

The Population Bomb

Global Cooling Ice Age

And now we can add one more chicken little sky is falling "science":

algore and AGW


Chrissy?? Neo-Stalinists??? I'll give this to you Beav, you fascinate me. Not neccasarily in a good way mind you. I didn't actually come here to debate global warming. Much like Karl Spring, I haven't seen the movie. And unlike some on the left, I'm willing to entertain the thought that it may just be a natural ebb and flow of the earth's climate. Who knows in the end we may not destroy the planet. But what I do know is that burning coal and oil in the obscene amounts that we do will make our planet a more unpleasant place to live in the years to come. Will we all be dead 100 years from now? No. Should we look at finding alternative fuels in order to improve ours and our planet's health? Yes.

But that's beside the point. My main point was what the hell is YOUR agenda? Why does this get you in such a tizzy Beav? Crackpots are a dime a dozen. I can't imagine getting so worked up disputing theories that supposedly have no basis in fact. Basically what is it about the Toyota Prius that pisses you off so much? I mean don't take this the wrong way but you make Ann Coulter look sane and rational. Take care Beav and say hi to Wally when your done tilting at windmills.


This is getting out of hand. It is not achieving anything useful or constructive to post entire songs, entire commentaries with no source other than the footnotes or entire plays. In fact, it's fucking irritating.

The conversation has devolved into nothing more than "my theory is better than your theory" with very little in the way of substantive or creative or even interesting discussion any longer.

I ask you all to stop and think about what you're doing. This blog and its more frequent posters are better than this sad commentary about the lack of tolerance among both left and right political viewpoints.



chrissy,

don`t take a hissy fit crissy because your agw theory is just that and you cannot debate the details thereof.you presume too much and know too little.

coal has the opposite effect, it blocks the sun`s rays as it emits soot.In the 1880s, it was estimated that London was 'losing' up to 80% of its winter sunshine. In December 1890 no sunshine was recorded at Westminster. As recently as 1921-50, central London averaged only 50% of the winter sunshine as surrounding rural areas. The effect was concentrated in winter because of the increased emission of smoke and soot associated with the greater use of coal burning to heat houses and offices and also because of the low angle of the sun(RHUniversity).

oil as you generally call it burns cleaner and has THE biggest BTU bang for the buck, that`s THE reason why we use it, nothing comes close. modern cars pump out near to zero emissions in the form of water vapor. water vapor is of cousre THE most significant GHG.

you feel, we think.


I would like to remind the assembled that I continue to lack pants.


It sucks to be me!


Fantastic idea!!! Lets counter climatic change by switching to coal heat across the country. We could also convince our legislators to enact tax breaks for railroads to start using steam locomotives also. Oh and don't forget the shipping industry. All the ships should be either coal fired or wind powered. With enough effort (oh, and more taxes of course) we could all be little Gorites and set the economy back 150 years and set back the climatic temps to the last ice age. That would make Gore happy, right?


Why not.

Even tho coal emits CO2 scrubbers attached to stacks have greatly reduced the amount but burning coal can produce soot.

If the chicken littles want to expedite the next ice age where people can and use to skate on the Thames then the surest way to do so is to block the sun`s rays by producing particulate matter.

After all, it is the Sun that has and always will drive temperature:

http://www.spacecenter.dk/publications/scientific-report-series/Scient_No._3.pdf/view


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OMG a spam ^^^^^^^^


You know, I was going to delete the spam, but I find it just so entertaining I think I'll leave it.


"If he just wants to cast aspersions and call people names, then maybe Fox is hiring."

Ba-hahahahaha


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