...
Tonight, Tamara and I had to stop by the Whole Foods to pick up a few provisions. As we were walking out of the store and to the car right across from the front of the store, an idiot in a Big F-ing Hemi Powered Gas Guzzling Two Lanes Wide Piece Of Sh-t Why The F-ck Do You Drive One Of Those F-ing Things In The City Pickup Trucks turned from Fourth into the lot at a good 20 MPH, fairly narrowly missing Tamara (who, by now is about seven months along and about ready to POP) and I by just a few feet. He parked all by his lonesome on the far end of the lot between the bank and the store.
I could have caught him at the door and beat the piss out of him...but I didn't. Though I did think about it.
I did leave him a note under his windshield wiper that read:
Dear Sir,
While you were speeding through the parking lot here (and inattentively I might add), you nearly hit a pregnant woman.
Have a nice Day.
Lucky for him, I'm somewhat of a pacifist.
Posted by
in.dog.neato on January 31, 2006 10:08 PM | Permalink
Comments
I have turned loose my herd of angry monkeys. They'll find'em.
Posted by: Xenolith | February 1, 2006 02:17 AM
what was a f&^#$ like that doing at the co-op anyway...move hippy! I gotta get my seitian and bulgar shake
Posted by: baci | February 1, 2006 07:16 AM
Should've keyed his fugly truck while he was away. or maybe just stolen his windshield wipers (a small act, but could be really annoying in Duluth in the winter).
Posted by: Kitsune | February 1, 2006 08:10 AM
...I'm somewhat of a pacifist.
Somewhat? What?
Whats-a-mattah Lancelot? Your babymomma was in danger! And you plunged head first into the wide river of Northland passive-aggression with a note?!! "Inattentively", you "might add"!?!? Yeah, and the rolling red-neck cliche antagonist might actualy give a shit. You do realize, of course, that confrontation is not neccesarily violent by nature. And that even "somewhat" Pacifists are not by nature passive-aggressive milquetoasts.
This bodes ominous for the mini-human. And for you, I might add.
Posted by: jon in hazelden | February 1, 2006 09:53 AM
jon,....are you really in hazelden?
(you don't sound sober.)
Posted by: mayday | February 1, 2006 01:39 PM
it is funny that someone makes an accusation about being passive agressiveness in a passive agressive manner
Posted by: edgewood | February 1, 2006 01:47 PM
Absolutely, what's wrong with being passive-aggressive? I'm passive-aggressive, my father is passive-aggressive, his father was passive-aggressive before him and his father before him. I come from a proud lineage of passive-aggressors and I feel that it is time for us to get the respect that we deserve. No more "Stop being so passive-aggressive", or "God, could you be any more passive-aggressive". We can and will. It is time for us to stand up and with one powerful voice...errrr...stand off to the side and fidget and sigh and roll our eyes... until the world recognizes us as first-class citizens!!!
...sorry, don't know what got over me, you can ignore that last little rant I guess, you know, if you want...unless you think it's good, then...naw, never mind, sorry I wasted everyone's time....
Posted by: B Cookie | February 1, 2006 03:08 PM
for a mere 50K i will off the motherfucker for you.
Posted by: budb | February 1, 2006 04:38 PM
We enjoy Daddy a lot more when he doesn't have black eyes or busted ribs, which could have potentially happened by even approaching the redneckian jerk-off who nearly nailed me and our child.
Not to mention our lovely conceal-and-carry law, which could have potentially resulted in a lot worse than a black eye.
I personally prefer the passive-aggressive approach. So does the baby. And we are definitely not milquetoasts.
Posted by: tamara | February 1, 2006 06:22 PM
blessed are the peacemakers...& the meek shall inherit the parking lots
Posted by: budb | February 1, 2006 10:16 PM
I would have called the police; given them his license # and the direction he went.
...and maybe implied he was wasted.
Posted by: Adam | February 1, 2006 11:07 PM
Just playing devil's advocate, but would your reaction have been different if it happened the exact same way, only the guy was driving a hybrid? Honestly, would you have been quicker to forgive him? Would you have been more likely to confront him?
Posted by: Barrett | February 2, 2006 12:47 PM
i wlda still pounded the bejezez out of him cause i'm a fucking wacko.
Posted by: budb | February 2, 2006 04:59 PM
thanks for that suggestion, barrett...
I did think about that, and I'd probably react the same way no matter what kind of vehicle he was in. The fact that the guy was driving ... what he was driving ... made the situation all to predictable (or ironic, perhaps? i'm still trying to come up with a descriptive for that.), given my personal feelings toward such vehicles...which did come into play. that's the whole reason why i posted the rant.
an idiot driver is an idiot driver, no matter what kind of car he drives.
and, for the record, Jon in Hazelden...I may be tall, and I may be slender...but a passive aggressive milquetoast, I am not. had i chosen to behave in any other fashion, i would have brought myself in a bad light, and embarassed my girlfriend.
There was no harm done by him, so to attack him physically would have equated to assault charges levied against me, adding another set of complications in my life which I have as yet managed to reamin free from. My intent was to jar his karma a little.
Posted by: in.dog.neato | February 2, 2006 05:34 PM
i put a spell on him.
now he's gotta be the one almost kilt.
it's over.
Posted by: budb | February 2, 2006 11:35 PM
What does toast have to do with any of this?
Posted by: vicarious | February 3, 2006 01:32 PM