So, according to this article in the DNT, Japan has a product called Kidsbeer, a nonalcoholic cola that looks like beer, which is marketed to children.

The drink, which comes in a brown bottle and is advertised with the slogan "Even kids cannot stand life unless they have a drink," is lager-colored and foams like beer, but tastes like cola, the article states, citing what is perhaps the funniest slogan in the history of advertising.

Everyone quoted in the article is emphatic that while the product is available in Japan, and is soon to be available in parts of Europe, it will never be available in the United States. Well, duh.

Cola that looks and tastes like cola, but knocks you on your ass with 6% alcohol, however, is perfectly fine. Apparently.