During my ongoing studies of the elusive exclusive Northland reclusive, I went to the beach yesterday, a veritable Norwegian Riviera with air and water temps nearly perfect, and was amazed to find the entire place nearly deserted as I lay there panting in my speedos, hoping to shock some poor unsuspecting teens. But only one mom passed by in almost two hours, disgusted that she and I, we, were now in proximity to each other.
I was on her beach, she thought to herself, and appeared to recover as she carried on her way. Surely this was bliss. Yesterday’s perfection was only unusual compared to Monday, when temps soared over 120 degrees (on the sand) while the water remained not too cold for only the heartiest of swimmers as others sat around with glazed over faces, asking God why they were there burning on the sand, yet surrounded by water too cold to enter above the knees. If yesterday was clearly the better beach day, why did none show up? This mystery will be backlogged with others as I progress forward in my research.
It was then, upon my journey back over the glorious Canal Park bridge, I discovered to my horror a sailboat stuck on the structure being held helpless by the current as I tried to untangle her cables and glanced over toward the 70-odd gapers helpless to resist their reality-TV moment playing out before their eyes.
The bridge announcer called out to the helpers, “Sailboat helpers, don’t hurt yourselves!” before he announced that help was on its way. And arrive help did, as it only took the Coast Guard just shy of 20 minutes to stow their whiskey bottles, poker tables, and strippers below deck from where they’d been docked along the Knife River skinny dipping, and do absolutely nothing while a friendly golden retriever in another high-powered boat took charge of the situation and made the audience applause in delight by freeing the distressed vessel.
I heard some passersby exclaim their moral superiority and righteous indignation over these yahoos who’d entangled their boat on the bridge. So I ask you kind readers, was this an act of sheer brainlessness, or do accidents sometimes just happen? Stay tuned for photos of the disaster.
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