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Happy Xmas (War is Over)

On this chilly morn, the blue light of the moon reveals the carnage left on the battlefield of the War on Xmas. Last year’s Apple product, the old tube television, and mounds of torn wrapping paper clutter the otherwise barren landscape. Though the media pundit generals have refused to sign the Declaration of Armistice, the conflict is over. The body count was surprisingly low- a Christmas miracle, one might even say. According to official reports, there was only a single casualty. Ironically, it was a Salvation Army bell-ringer who was assaulted by a “true believer” who was so insulted by the charity worker’s exhortation of “Happy Holidays,” that they had no other choice but to punch them in the face. We can only pray that the Peace holds — and that cooler heads will prevail. In closing, let us wish a Happy Birthday to Albino Jesus.

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